pReTTy_rAeCheLLe's Xanga Site

♥Rants♥

If there are no miracles, I'll make one for you. ~Ito ang reminder para sa sign na hinihingi ko. =)
- 6/8/2008 10:54 PM
- add comments

View all pulses

Dear Diary

Friday, July 18, 2008

Fixations and some other thought.
"I'll always protect you"
Heart melting no?
May tinanong ako dati:
Ako: Bakit mo ako nagustuhan? E ang taray ko nga eh tas gusto mo pa din ako.
Siya: Yun nga yun eh. Ibig sabihin, kaya mo pagtanggol ang sarili mo kahit wala ako.
Na-touch ako nun. Siya rin yung taong nagsabi ng quote sa itaas. Pero naisip ko dati na pano kung dumating yung panahon na wala siya sa tabi ko at reresbakan ako ng mga masasamang loob? Sabi ko sa kanya mag-aaral ako ng taekwando. Pero di natupad yun. Kaya hanggang ngayon, vulnerable pa rin ako.
--ooOoo--
So ano na naman ba ang pumasok sa utak ko at consecutive days na naman akong nagblo-blog? Haha! Masaya kasi ako nitong huling 2 araw. Akin na lang yun kung bakit. Ang spies, ang spies! Lol.
Ang blog na ito ay inspired ng last lecture kanina ni Ms. Tapnio. Nice. Inspired ang lola mo.
Yung lectures niya kasi kanina e tungkol sa mga ugali/gawain ng mga bata. You know: newborn, infants, toddlers, preschools, school aged at adolescents (?). Na-realize ko, andami ko palang fixations! Ang fixations nga pala e yung mga bagay na dapat na-overcome mo na sa isang stage ng buhay mo pero ngayon e daladala mo pa rin at patuloy na ginagawa, UNCONSCIOUSLY. Examples:
INFANCY = ORAL STAGE - ibig sabihin, focal point of pleasure nila is the mouth.
Example ng fixation: nail biting, cigarette smoking, kinakagat ang takip ng ballpen.
At ang FIXATIONS ko ay:
- Moro reflex - yung mga newborn (0-28 days), kapag na-move yung bassinets nila ay magugulat. Ako, konting stimuli lang, magugulat.
- Fear of mutilation - yung mga pre-school (3-5 years)ang karaniwang takot dito. Naalala mo ba nung bata ka? Kapag nasugatan ka, tatakutin ka na may lalabas na pari/tren/kanin o ng kung anu pa man jan sa sugat mo. Ako, takot tumawid. Tumatakbo ako kahit malayo pa yung sasakyan. Ayoko kasi sa lahat e yung nababangga. Feeling ko ang panget kung magkakalasog-lasog ang katawan ko. Ampanget ko sa kabaong kung nagkataon. Tsk tsk tsk.
- Egocentric - yung mga pre-school, madadamot. Ako, konti lang. Haha!
- Industry vs. Inferiority - yung mga school aged (6-12 years) mahilig sa competition. Yung tipong gusto laging mataas yung grades, nade-depress pag bagsak sa QUIZ. Ako, yun. Haha! Quiz lang nabagsak ko, depressed ang lola mo.
- Initiative vs. guilt - yung mga pre-school, guilty na guilty kapag may mga bagay silang hindi ginawa na dapat eh ginawa nila. Tulad ng pag-pray. Kapag nakalimutan nila gawin yun at nagkasakit sila, sisisihin nila ang sarili nila. Ako, ganun. KAYA AYOKO NG RESPONSIBILITIES. Nagi-guilty ako kapag hinahatak o nahatak ko pababa ang kasama ko. Ayoko ng pabigat ako o ako yung dahilan kung bakit ganito o ganyan.
- Security object - yung mga toddlers (1-3 years) hindi nakakatulog pag wala ang kanilang stuff toy/favorite blanket/favorite pillow etc. Ako, pag wala yung hotdog ko na unan na nasa akin na for almost 14 years, nahihirapan akong matulog.
- Ritualistic behavior - yung mga toddlers, paulit ulit. Yung tipong hindi kumpleto ang araw nila kapag hindi nila gagawin ang isang bagay. Ako, internet. Lol.
Yun pa lang naman ang na-identify kong fixations ko. Haha! Andame. Lol.
P.S.
Parang naisip ko, ang layo ng koneksyon ng unang thought ng blog na ito sa huling parte. Hahaha!
Pero infairness. Nangi-ngiti ako kanina habang naglalakad pauwi. Hihihi.
Para sa isang tao jan: Wag ka masyadong pahalata. Nahahalata ko eh. Hahaha! Alam ko namang concerned ka kanina. Lol. Sige, kikiligin ako para sayo. Hahaha!
*Ang landi ng blogger na ito. Hahaha!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Instinct.

Alam niyo naman sigurong malakas ang instincts ng mga babae. Naniniwala ako d un. Ako kasi yung taong kapag naghinala, kadalasan tama. At isa sa mga hinala ko ay...
MAY MGA SPIES AKO.
AT MUKANG ALAM KO KUNG SINU-SINO SILA.
Isama na natin ang hinala kong may pasimpleng stalker ako. Feelingera? Di naman. Feeling ko lang. Instinct. At feeling ko sa mga oras na to, binabasa niya ang entry na to. Haha! Caught you baby!
--ooOoo--
ERNEST LORENZO DEE IS ♥
=)

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I was inviting her into my car. =)

Pers taym. Naks. Pers taym na sumakay ako sa kotse ng opposite sex at maihatid sa Pureza. How nice diba? Lol. Parang gusto kong kiligin pero ayaw eh. Natuwa lang ako + na-touch. =)

Actually, parang feeling ko nga baka napilitan lang siya eh. Haha! Pero kasi nagaabang na ako ng jeep. Tapos may biglang kotseng nag-slow down sa harap ko. At dahil hindi ko suot ang salamin ko kapag umuuwi, mahaba-habang titigan ang ginawa ko sa kotse para malaman ko kung sino yung nagmamaneho. Waw! Si Gondar pala yun! Tapos…

Mario: San ka?
Ako: Pureza….
Ako: Pasabay ako! (na may malaking ngiti sa muka)
Gondar: O sige lika.
Bumaba na si Mario sa V. Mapa station. Haha!

O syempre diba? Paano mo nga naman tatanggihan ang offer ko? Nakakahiya nga naman kung hindi mo ko pasasakayin. Mahal pa naman ang pamasahe ngayon. Pero muka ngang mas lugi siya. Mas mahal ang gasoline. Overpriced pa.

Pero ayus na rin. My first car ride and it’s with Gondar. Haha! Pagyayabang ko bukas na nakalibre ako ng pamasahe. Lol.

Hindi code name ang Gondar. Siguro nakakaisip kayo ng character sa DOTA no? Lol. Gondar kasi ang “nickname” niya. Vincent ang tawag ko sa kanya dati. Ayaw daw kasi niya ng Michael. E hinde ako tumatawag sa apelyido pero apelyido niya ang gusto niyang itawag ko sa kanya. Sabe ko Vincent na lang. Haha! Pero nasanay ako sa Gondar. Lol.

Thanks ulet Vincent! =)

Ok. Balik na sa pagre-review para sa unit test NA NAMAN bukas. Graaaaabe. Unit test na kanina, isa pa bukas at sa isa pang bukas. Anak ng tokwa.

*Murmurs: prostaglandin theory, placental aging theory, cullen's sign, meconium, fetal distress, low estrogen levels (murmurs slowly fade).

Thursday, July 10, 2008

6am-2pm.

Heto na! 1 and a half hour from the time I began writing this post, tapos na ako mag-duty sa shift ko na 6am-2pm. Sa wakas. Makakatulog na ulit ako ng matiwasay at maiiwasan ang eyebags. Yeah boi! xD
Anyway, updating on my previous entry, sa nursery ako na-assign. Specifically, nursery charity a.k.a NCHA. Nung nalaman ko na dito ako magdu-duty, naalala ko kaagad si Phoebe dun sa movie na 14 hours. Naisip ko, yari ako kapag may napatay akong bata. Haha!
Actually, magaan ang trabaho dun. From Monday to Thursday, July 6-9 ako nag-duty. Nung unang 2 araw, may mga bata kaming inaalagaan. Maximum of 3. Nakapag-cord dressing (yung puputulin yung umbilical cord) yung mga kasamahan ko, ako lang ang hindi. Kinapos ng bata. Haha! Anyway, masaya naman kasi madali lang. Mago-observe kami kapag may kina-catch na bata from Delivery room. Gagawan siya ng procedures like suctioning, kukunan ng Apgar's Score, papaliguan, i-injection-an, lalagyan ng Terramycin sa mata, puputulan ng umbilical cord etc. Tas nagpapa-feed ako ng baby at nagpalit ako ng diapers. Akalain mo yun. Nanay na nanay ang dating.
Pero ang pinakamasaya dun eh yung mga kwentuhan namin ng mga ka-grupo. Pero ang sabi ni Gelo:
"What you see, what you hear, leave it here"
Kaya hindi na ako magkwekwento. Hahaha! Pero masaya yun pramis.
Pero na-bore din kami, Yung last 2 days, walang bata. Wala kaming ginagawa. Di pa rin nauubusan ng kwento. Pero mabagal pa rin tumakbo ang oras. Sooooobrang bagal. As in feeling mo antagal mong naghintay pero pagtingin mo sa relo 5mins. pa lang ang nakakalipas. Hahaha!
Last day, paper works lang ang ginawa namin. Konting kwentuhan, asaran, ututan, at kung anu-ano pa. TEKA. UTUTAN? E HINDI BA STERILE AREA ANG NURSERY? Hahaha! Tianong ko sila kung sterile pa rin ba yung area kapag umutot ka. Sabi nila oo daw. Kasi kung yung baby nga naka-jebs, utot pa kaya?
Yun lang naman actually. Haha! Napapagod lang ako gumising sa umaga. Pa-late ng pa-late ang gising ko tuwing umaga. Buti hindi ako nala-late.
At isa pa. Ang duty kong iyon ay puno ng subtle messages. Wahaha! Akin na lang yun. Pero swerte mo kung kasama ka sa listahan ng protected posts ko. Malalaman mo kung ano yung subtle messages na sinasabi ko. Haha! Beh! =)
Gelo, Richelle and Carlo, thanks for the company. Andami kong nasabi sa inyong sikreto. Wahahaha! Siguraduhin niyo lang na iniwan niyo yun sa NCHA! Yari kayo saken pag nakalabas yun. =)
Pictures below. Pero si Wong yan. Shifting stage na. Ako uinang dumating. 10pm-6am ang shift nila. Hindi man lang kami nag-picture ng grupo ko. Hahaha! Unsterile ako kaya nasa labas ako. Si Wong sterile. Pero ganyan din naman ang costume ko kagaya ng sa kanya pag sterile ako. Yan yata yung second day ko. Akala ko nung una pag magiging sterile ka, papasok ka sa isang room tas i-i-spray-an ka ng something tas poof! Sterile ka na! Pero hindeeee! Magbihis ka lang ng scrub suit, sterile ka na. Wag ka lang lalabas. Hassle yan grabe. Pag maglu-lunch kami, magbibihis pa kami tas bababa sa canteen na ubod ng mahal ang bilihin. As in pwede mo na silang kasuhan ng overpricing. Tas papanik ulit at magbibihis na naman ng scrub suit. Pero na-realize namin na pwede naman palang magpadeliver sa high class carinderia na malapit sa amin. Haha!

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

ABA NAMAN. AT PANG-SIDE CAR NA L ANG ANG BEAUTY KO NGAYON.
Akalain mong kilala pala ako ng mga nagsa-side car sa Pureza? Hahaha!
At nagdu-duty na nga pala ako. Kaso next time ko na kwento. Gusto ko kumpleto pag nagkwento na ako. Basta sa Nursery Charity ako a.k.a NCHA. Oo. Dun sa mga bagong panganak na baby! =)

Friday, July 04, 2008

Alam mo yung feeling nang may chance kang maging successful sa ibang bagay pero hindi mo sinunggaban yung chance na yun kasi mali?
Out of 8 quizzes, 3 lang ata ang napasa ko. Bago kasi ang prof. At nasa adjustment stage ako. E matagal pa naman ako lagi kapag naga-adjust. Kaya ayun.
Pero nag-aim kasi ako na ipapasa ko kahit kalahati man lang ng total quizzes. Pero hinde. Yung huling quiz, naibagsak ko. HINDI KASI AKO SUMUSUNOD SA FIRST INSTINCT!
Pero kasi, kung gugustuhin ko naman, pwede ako pumasa sa huling test na yun. Pwede kasi ako mandaya. Yung tipong hindi ko sasagutan yung ilang items at pag checking na eh tsaka ko sasagutan ng tamang sagot.
Pwede ko gawin pero hindi ko ginawa. Principle ko na kasi yun. Ok lang na may kumopya sa akin tuwing quizzes pero hindi ko nagagawang mangopya para sa sarili ko. Bukod sa mahina ang pandinig ko, malakas ako magsalita at malabo ang mata ko, pinipigilan ako ng morality ko na wag mandaya. Masyado ng malalim ang roots ko na sinimulang itaninm ng mga teacher ko nung nursery. Ultimo pagtapon ng basura sa kalsada eh hindi ko magawa. Kasi kelangan sa trash can.
I really felt miserable that day. Hawak ko na yung chansa pero di ko ginawa. Naisip ko na sa ikabubuti ko rin naman ang pangongopya kung gagawin ko yun. At kelangan ko kasi. Kapit na sa patalim kung baga. Pero hindeeee.
Sabi ko sa kaibigan ko, "Give me at least one reason. One reason lang kung bakit hindi ako dapat ma-depress kasi hindi ako pumasa." Sabi niya, "Kasi wala lang yun." Pero hindi epektib sa akin ang mga ganung sagot. Pinilit kong maging "Ok. Move on na ko" para sa kaibigan kong yun para kunyare epektib yung method niya. Pero napansin naman niya yatang hinde. Haha!
So pagsakay ko ng jeep, nakinig na lang ako sa iPod ko para malibang. Akalain mong ang sumunod na kanta eh yung theme song ng Lastikman (kung pakikinggan mo yung iPod ko, may mga patawang kanta dun. Haha!). Ang ganda kasi nung message ng kantang yun. Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko na kapag pinanghihinaan ako ng loob sa mga bagay-bagay, pinakikinggan ko lang yun. Tapos sobrang buong puso yung pagkanta ni Chito Miranda. As in mararamdaman mo talaga yung passion. Tumatama bawat salita. Bale ang sinasabe sa kantang yun eh wag daw susuko. Tuloy lang daw ang laban at walang atrasan. So naisip ko na kinausap na naman ako ni God indirectly. Basta. Habang nasa jeep ako, napapangiti ako bigla. Then I felt ok.
Lastikaman ang theme song ng buhay ko ngayon habang nag-aaral ng nursing. It somehow gives me strength to go on and never surrender. Funny no? But true.
Lastikman is my hero. Lol.

I just love Vhong Navarro! =)

P.S
At nabasa ko rin sa Human Vitae kagabi habang nagre-review na it is never right, even for the gravest reason, to do evil that good may come out of it.

Bongga. =)

Friday, June 27, 2008

Level up!

Nais kong batiin ang sarili ko ng congratulations.Congratulations dahil sa hinaba-haba ng nilakbay ko, nakaabot ako ng June 27, 2008. Ang itinakdang araw para sa capping ceremony ng UERMMMC .
Akalain mo nga naman. Nagsimula ang journey kong ito sa pagsasabing, "Napilitan lang ako" sa tuwing tinatanong ako kung bakit ako nag-nursing. Napilitan. Capping day. Third year ako. Napilitan. Hahaha. Do the math.
Pero habang lumilipas yung mga araw, na nagiging linggo, buwan, semester at taon... Napamahal sa akin ang kursong ito. Unti unti kong natanggap sa sarili ko na para ako sa propesyong ito kahit hindi ko alam kung bakit. "Grow where God puts you" ang quote na nagtulak sa akin para suungin ang nursing.
Kanina lang, habang nagho-homily ang pari, habang hindi pa ako tinatamaan ng sakit kong "short attention span", habang nalilibang ako sa sinasabi niya, na-realize ko na para talaga ako sa propesyong ito. After 3 years, ngayon ko lang na-realize. Anak talaga ako ng tokwa.
Noon pa man kasi, itinuturing kong napakagandang miracle ang buhay. Humahanga ako sa mga newborns at naiisp kong isa silang living example ng miracle of life. Isipin mo, napakagaling kung paano nabubuhay ang isang tao, paano sila nabubuo, paano gumagana ang iba't ibang parte ng katawan nila, paano sila nag-iisip. Lahat yan pumapasok sa utak ko at the sight of a newborn.
Nagkaroon ako ng subject na Human Anatomy and Physiology. Minahal ko to ng husto dahil interesado ako. Masaya ako pag nag-aaral sa subject na to. Makulay ang libro ko dito kung makikita mo dahil tadtad sa multicolored highlighter pens. 2 kasing highlighter ang ginagamit ko sa pagaaral. AT HINDI AKO MABUBUHAY NG WALANG HIGHLIGHTER! Hahaha! Highlighter ang kinabukasan ko. =)
Balik na sa page-emote.
Yung homily kanina, sabi ng pari, nurses are lovers of life. We fall inlove with life therefore, we value life so much. Dapat daw lahat ng nurses, inlove sa life. Kasi kung hindi, they would take lives for granted. They wouldn't be as effective, efficient and caring nurses. Kung hindi ka inlab, bakit ka magbo-bother? Parang ganun. At that exact moment, parang feeling ko alam ko na kung bakit ako dinala ni God sa kung nasaan man ako ngayon. I am inlove with life. Deeply inlove with it.
Tapos akalain mo, mangiyakngiyak pa ako sa homily kanina kasi nag-research yung pari sa wikipedia kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng nurses:
A nurse is responsible—along with other health care professionals—for the treatment, safety, and recovery of acutely or chronically ill or injured people, health maintenance of the healthy, and treatment of life-threatening emergencies in a wide range of health care settings. Nurses may also be involved in medical and nursing research and perform a wide range of non-clinical functions necessary to the delivery of health care. Nurses also provide care at birth and death.
Sabi niya na ang pagiging nurse ay isang napakalaking responsibilidad. At buhay ang responsibilidad ng nurses. Hindi paperworks, deadlines, meetings, etc. Ini-enumerate niya yung mga ginagawa ng nurses habang nag-aaral pa at habang nasa duty. Halos lahat ng sinabi niya, pinagdaanan ko kasama ng mga eyebags na nasa mata ko ngayon. LOL. Sabi niya identification daw ang eyebags para malaman kung nursing student ka. At halos lahat daw ng nag-aaral ng nursing eh payat. Hahaha. Anyway, habang nagle-lecture siya, naiiyak ako kasi nagfla-flashback yung mga struggles ko. Mga almost-breaking-down moments ko, almost-givng-up moments ko, puyatan moments, killer exams, hell return demonstrations, repeat return demonstrations (teka, teka, general assessment lang ang repeat ko at assessment sa abdomen. yung sa general assessment, hindi naririnig yung iba kong sinabe. sabi niya di ko sinabe pero sinabe ko. sinabe ko yung provide the patient privacy! tas yung sa abdomen, Kozier based ako, Potter and Perry based yung clinical instructor. wala kaming koneksyon kaya yun, repeat!), at-the-verge-of-failing-a-subject moments ko at iba pa. Naisip kong ako lang yata ang naiiyak kaya pinigilan ko. Pero nangingilid na yung luha ko. Wala akong nagawa. Pinahid ko na siya habang hindi pa tumutulo. Blush on lang ang make-up ko kaya panget kong yun lang mawawala pa. Haha!

Kaya ayun. Tapos na ako mag-emote. All this time pala, God has been working with me side by side para lang maintindihan ko yung plano Niya para sa buhay ko. Matagal na Niya palang pinapakita yung rason Niya kung bakit Niya ako pinag-nursing. Ebidensya? Review my previous blog entries. Subconsciously, nag-gra-groundwork na pala Ssiya sa akin.

AEOLUS 2010, Congratulations!
Magic6! Wag natin i-underestimate ang kakayahan nating kumapit! Kitams? Capping na tayo! May lampara na tayo!
N2D! Solid! Walang titibag -- sabi nga ni Wong.

Level up na tayo!

P.S.
Yung picture sa susunod na. Sa kadahilanang hindi ko pa nabibili yung charger ni Deegee kaya wala akong ebidensya na nag-capping nga ako. Wag kayong mag-alala. Magkakaron yan. At hindi lang ilusyon na nagkaron ako ng capping ceremony! Hehehe. =)
<edit>
Ako at si Cy with our lamps. Lamp lighting ceremony kasi ang proper term dun sa capping namin.
From left: Pam, Cy, Ako at si Cla yung putol sa baba. lol. Haha! Sorry ah! Ako kumuha nyan eh. Haha!
Kami ulit ni Cy.
Si capping seatmate Karla, ako at si Cy. By height kasi kami. Hahaha!
Isa lang naman ang comment ko jan. ALANGYA. WALA NA BANG ITATAAS PA YANG CAP KO? PARANG KULANG PA SA SOBRANG TAAS EH? Naalibadbaran ako. Hindi natiis ng nanay ko. Nung 10mins. break after ng mass, bumaba siya para ayusin yung cap ko. Namumukod tangi raw kasi akong mataas ang cap. Hindi raw siya mapakali sa kinauupuan niya. Hahaha!
</edit>

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Akalain mo nga naman...

MAGCA-CAPPING NA KO BUKAS!
At isusuot ko na ang mga yan pag nag-duty ako! Goodbye labgown, hello clinical uniform + nurse's cap!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Himala ito. Consecutive days akong may post! Haha!
Gusto ko lang naman ipakita sa inyo ito:
Ang tawag daw jan ay Master Rotation Plan. Jan daw nakalagay sched namin for duty. Anak ng tokwa. HINDI KO MAINTINDIHAN! Sana man lang sinama sa orientation ang pagbabasa nito!
At 6am-2pm duty ko sa July something. Awww. Gusto ko pa naman ng 2pm-10pm! Pero ayus lang. Sabe sa blog na nabasa ko mas mabilis tumakbo ang oras sa umaga. PERO MATAKAW AKO SA TULOOOOOOG! Argh. Katangian ng Leos ang mahilig sa tulog. Haha!

This is really is it. Magkakaalamanan na. Dito ko na talaga tatanungin ang sarili ko...
Nursing. Kaya ba o kaya pa? =)

Friday, June 13, 2008

SUBJECT: NERDOLOGY
TOPIC: Classification of Nerds

Nerds are people whose lives revolve around knowledge, learning, books, handouts, and even tables.

There are two major types of nerds.

I. TRADITIONAL NERDS
These nerds are the typical type of nerds. This doesn't necessarily mean that they always wear thick glasses with black frames, a flat hairdo, and a "bitin" pants with the waist part worn around the chest.

These nerds dedicate their lives to studying, memorizing names, places, and hell, even tables.

They lack social skills. They do not have a social life. Wait, they do have a social life: but they only interact with their own kind. They are so absorbed with learning and studying that they miss a lot of things in life.

And one unique characteristic of this kind of nerds is that they cannot swim.

II. ALTERNATIVE/MODERN NERDS
Times change. And so do nerds. These nerds do have a social life. They interact with other kinds of people. They are aware of the other aspects of life. And yes, they can swim.

They do prioritize their studies because they believe that this will serve as the foundation of their future. With that said, modern nerds (Type II) are different from traditional nerds (Type I) because Type II nerds also have other priorities in life aside from studies.

There are other sub-classifications of Type II nerds, but generally there are two (2) sub-classifications: the PROUD NERDS (those who are not ashamed to admit that they are nerds), and the NERDS IN DENIAL (those who can't admit to others, and to themselves, that they are really nerds.)
- Type II nerd ako under sub-classification nerds in denial. Hahaha.
THE TREE, THE LEAF, AND THE WIND

Tree
===

The reason I'm called Tree is because I'm good at
painting trees. Overtime I started to paint a tree in
the right hand corner as a trademark for all my
watercolor paintings. I had dated 5 girls when I
was in Pre-U. There's one girl whom I loved a lot
but never dared go after. She didn't have a pretty
face, nor a good figure, or outstanding charm.
She was just a very ordinary girl.
I like her. I really like her. Like her innocence, her
frankness. Like her cuteness, her intelligence and
her fragility. My reason for not going after her was
that I felt somebody so ordinary was not good
enough for me. I was also afraid that if we got
together all the special feelings I had would
vanish. I feared that other people's gossiping
would hurt her. I also felt
that if she was meant to be my girl, she would be
mine ultimately and I didn't have to give everything
up just for her. The last reason made her stay with
me for 3 years. She watched me chase after other
girls for 3 years, and I made her heart cry for 3
years.

She wanted to be a good actress and I was a very
demanding director. When I kissed my second
girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was
embarrassed but smiled and said "Go on!" before
running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen
like walnuts. I purposely ignored what had caused
her to cry and instead, laughed at her the whole
day. When everyone else went back home, she
sat alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know
that I had returned
from soccer training to get something. I watched
her cry for an hour or so.

My fourth girlfriend didn't like her. There was once
when both of them quarrelled. I know that based
on her character she was not the one who had
started off the quarrel. But I still sided with my
girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled
with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and
walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still
laughed and joked with me as though nothing
happened. I know that she was very hurt but she
didn't know that my heart ached as badly as hers.
When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her
out. After going out for a day, I told her that I had
something to tell her. She told me that
coincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I
told her about my breakup and she told me about
her getting together with someone else. I know
who the guy was. He had been going after her for
quite a while. He was a very cute guy who was full
of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit
for her had been the talk of the school.

I couldn't let her know how my heart ached but
could only smile and congratulate her. When I
reached home, my heart ached so bad that I can't
stand it. There was like a heavy weight upon my
chest. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to shout but
couldn't. Tears rolled down and I broke down and
cried. How many times have I seen her cry for the
man that didn't even acknowledge her presence?

During graduation, I read an sms in my handphone.
It was sent 10 days ago when I broke down and
cried, but I hadn't read it since then. It said, "Leaf's
departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or
because Tree didn't ask her to stay."

Leaf
===

During Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why?
Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she
has relied on for so long it takes a lot of courage.
During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close
terms with a guy. Not the BGR kind but the buddy
kind. But when he had his first girlfriend, I learned
a feeling I never should have learnt - jealousy. The
sourness in
the heart couldn't be described using a lemon. It's
Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only
together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid
my strong sense of happiness. But after a month,
he got together with another girl.

I like him and I know he likes me. But why wouldn't
he pursue me? Since he loved me why didn't he
make the first move? Whenever he had a new
girlfriend, my heart would ache. Time after time,
my heart was hurt again and again. I began to
suspect this was a one sided love. But if he didn't
like he, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond
what you would do for a
normal friend. Liking a person is very heart
wrenching. I may know his likes, his dislikes, his
habits, etc. But his feelings towards me I can
never figure out. You can't expect me, a girl, to ask
him right?

Despite all this, I still wanted to be by his side.
Care for him, accompany him, love him, hoping
that one day, he will love me too. I waited for his
phone call every night, wanting him to send me
sms. I know that no matter how busy he was, he
would make time for me. Because of this, I waited
for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go
through and I really wanted to give up. At times, I
wondered whether I should continue waiting. The
pain, the
hurt, and the dilemma accompanied me for 3 long
years.

Towards the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior
began to go after me. Everyday he pursued me
relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in
time when I felt that I was willing to let him have a
small footing in my heart. He's like a warm and
gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the
tree. In the end, I realised that I didn't want to give
this wind just a
small footing in my heart. I know this wind will
bring this badly battered leaf far away to a better
land. Finally I left Tree. But Tree only smiled and
didn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because
of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her
to stay.

Wind
====

I like a girl called Leaf. Because she's so
dependent on Tree, I have to be a gust of Wind, a
wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it
was one month after I transferred to the new
school. I saw a petite girl looking at my seniors
and I playing soccer. During CCA time, she would
always be sitting there looking at him, be it alone
or with her friends. When he
talked with other girls, there's jealousy in her eyes.
When he looked at her, there's happiness in her
eyes. Looking at her became my habit, the way
she liked to look at him.

One day, she wasn't there. I felt something was
amiss. I can't explain the feeling except that it's a
sense of uneasiness. The senior was also not
there. I went to their classroom, hid outside and
saw my senior scold her. Tears were in her eyes
when he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual
place looking at him. I walked over and smiled at
her, took out a note and gave it to her. She was
surprised. She looked at me, smiled and
accepted the note. The next day, she passed me
a note and left.

Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow
her away.

It's not that Leaf's heart is too heavy. It is because
Leaf never wanted to leave Tree. I replied her note
with this statement and slowly she started to talk
to me and accepted my presents and phone calls.
I know that the person she loved wasn't me. But I
had the perseverance that one day, I could make
her like me. Within 4 months, I had declared my
love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she
would divert away from the topic. But I never gave
up. If I
decided I wanted her to be mine, I would definitely
use all means to win her over. I can't remember
how many times I had declared my love for her.
Although I knew she would try to divert, I still had a
small glimmer of hope, hoping that she would
agree to be my girlfriend.
I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone, so I
asked "What are you doing? Why didn't you
reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head." "Ah?" I
couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head,"
she replied loudly. I hanged up the phone,
changed quickly, took a taxi, rushed to her place
and pressed her door bell. When she opened the
door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf's departure is
because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't
ask her to stay.
-Feeling ko dito nag-originate yung text message na natanggap ko dati.
Nakuha ko yan sa isang blog habang nagblo-blog hop. At least bago man lang ako lumiban sa pagtira sa blogosperyo, nakapamasyal muna ako. Matagal-tagal rin siguro kasi akong mawawala. Magla-lagi muna ko sa impyernong kung tawagin ay Nursing. Haha!
Feeling ko sobrang lupit ko naman. Kahit papano, heaven pa rin namang maituturing kung magkakaroon ng mga pagkakataong exempted ang klase nyo sa quiz, walang pasok, nakalusot ka sa pagiging late at naging dean's lister ka. Lol. Miracle na yata ang hinihingi ko. Hahaha. Mahal ko na nga ang nursing diba? Hahaha.
--ooOoo--
Na-realize ko kanina habang nanonood ng Boy & Kris na hindi lang pala ako sa mundo ang lumalablayp mag-isa. Kasama ko si ALex Gonzaga. Hahaha. Sobrang tawa ako ng tawa kanina. Kung ano yung experiences niya, na-experience ko na din.