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| i do not exist. Only You exist.
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| Always confused about people that I touch. With insidious tricks and subtle lies I die. Fortunate to be where I am where I can sit back and watch it all go by. But you taught me a new way to see things in a different light, and capture every moment, one day at a time. In differing rooms the words were said, that took us by surprise. So simple and fulfilling, a new concept of time. I can't even picture you or think of how you feel, seduced by your frustrations and the fear of falling out. It's so hard to understand sometimes, even for me, what's going through your head. It seems as if this should be normal but I cannot see the signs of familiarity and awareness. My hands are shaking and my body tingles, unexplained up until now. You gave up all the happiness you had. | | |
| There was a man. He was twisted inside. And everything he thought never came out right. He stuggles with repetition. He deals with indecision. Indifference is the master of his life, so calm and cold. That man is me. But man's too bold a word, more like a child, vainly insecure. I've been through many things that trouble souls, unseen by virgin eyes. I see a picture, of a peaceful life, that's interrupted by fear and tear-filled eyes. I've seen a glimpse of this tiny prize, so inconsistent and based on selfish lies. But all I need, is just another crutch, to give me something to grasp and time to catch my breath. I've worn out all my intellect and scattered all my thoughts. Stretched myself to all ends trying to dig deep inside. I've missed the mark countless times too many to recall. Given up on all the stupid ideas running through my head. But in the works I'm putting in the time to formulate a plan, that will surpass all the past regrets and all self-indulgent cries that only scream pity, as much to be loved. Will you just come, and sit with me. We can call a cab to take us where, the night will never end. But in the morning something fierce we can't contend, will take us back. It's sad that people live in states of doubt and confusion. Wishing they could find the cure for steady depression. And so they lose their sense of loneliness, in alcohol and pills. Too afraid to care just focusing on their own suffering, and praying fervent prayers to make it all just end, so they begin. I'd like to think there's life in death, but only for the pure, the rest of us are left to stare at failure and defeat. Please just let me have this one, just this one I promise just one. I really think it's better if we let this slide on by. I know it's doesn't seem like everything about it's right, but for now I need a crutch and acceptance and your love. | | |
| You know I think the long depressing lyric/posts are dying out. Guess that's what a girlfriend will do to ya. The best part about it is, I had 2 very good reasons to get mad or depressed tonight, and right now, I'm not either one of those. I caught a hint of it for just a moment, but now it's gone. I didn't even try, it just subsided, and that is really really cool. I'm leaving tomorrow for Nashville, Tennessee. I'm visiting David Lipscomb University with my parents. I'm just gonna check it out, keep my options open. I'm hoping they have a good music program/environment since it's in Nashville. I hear there's more than just country music there so hopefully it will be cool. But, a few things have come up recently that make me want to stay here and go to OC. So I'd still like to see Lipscomb, but going away for college isn't seeming all that appealing anymore. Plus, my mom works at OC so I'd get alot of money taken off of my tuition and I've already been accepted. Anyways, farewell for now as I will be departing shortly. Goodnight, and I love you. | | |
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