Currently Reading QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability in Work and in Life By John G. Miller see related

The QBQ!

Hi everyone! I can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I've been here. I didn't intend to stop blogging, but I guess I've gotten busy and Xanga just kinda fell by the wayside. It's nice to see you all again!

So I picked up the book QBQ while I was in the bookstore today. You Dave Ramsey fans know that he highly recommends this book, and in fact had John Miller on his TV show recently. I read it in about an hour, it's a very easy read, and it is excellent.

QBQ stands for The Question Behind the Question. We're all very good at asking questions like "When is he going to be a better boss?" "When is that department going to get off its butt?" "When is she going to do her job right?" "Why won't my kids listen to me?" "Why can't my husband act the way I want him to?" "Why is this happening to me?" It all comes down to "Who can I blame?" and "It's someone else's problem and someone else's fault." Poor me.

John Miller proposes that these are the wrong kinds of questions. They're unproductive and encourage blame, victim thinking and procrastination. The right questions are "What can I do?" "How can I help?" "How can I make a change?" "How can I add value?" "How can I serve my spouse?" "How can I understand my child better?" It all comes down to "I can only change me, I can't change anyone else, so what am I going to change about me to improve things?" Personal accountability.

At the risk of sounding immodest, I see how this works in my job. I've done it. I came across a case not too long ago that had been sitting for 2 years with no action, which is totally ridiculous. I would have been filing a complaint if I had been that mother. Anyway, in a matter of 30 minutes or less, I was able to get that case moving, and with a little help from the call center, that mother is now receiving support for her child each month from her ex. Imagine what a few hundred extra dollars each month can do for that family! It was little effort for me to work that case up, but I'm sure it's making a big difference for that woman while she raises her child.

With a caseload as large as we have, it's easy to say "What can I do to get this case off my desk as quickly as possible?" but it always makes a difference to someone somewhere to say instead "What can I do to collect money on this case?" or "What can I do to resolve the problem on this case?" or the one I ask the most, "How can I prevent the call center from saying "Allow more time" the next time this participant calls?" lol. The answer is work the case now, myself, instead of pushing it off on someone else, or until tomorrow.

Just imagine what would happen if we applied this principle to every area of our lives! What would it change about your family? My job? That church? Their marriage? Her child? His parents? It'd be awesome!

It's whose fault?

Did any of you see this article? This woman would spend 4 and 5 days straight gambling, lost a million dollars when it was over, and is now suing the casino(s) for $20 million because they didn't stop her.

Now let's get this straight. She went to the casino. Willingly. She put her money on the blackjack table. Willingly. Well aware that the object of a casino is to take as much money as they can from their patrons. She lost control of herself and her gambling, she lost everything she owned and she thinks the casino should pay for it??

Excuse me? I missed the part where casinos offered an adult babysitting service. She's a grown woman, if she doesn't have the sense, discipline or wisdom to control her gambling, that's not the casino's fault. If she has a problem with gambling, she needs to get help for it. My friend and I went to the casino last weekend. We both lost money. What are we going to do, sue Pechanga because we chose to go out there and put money in the slot machines? How ridiculous is that? The difference between my friend and me and this other woman is that my friend and I knew when to stop. We gambled for 3 or 4 hours, had a good time and left. We both still have our homes, our jobs and our bank accounts. She loves to gamble, but she's not about to put her marriage on the line over it.

This whole idea that corporations and businesses should be held responsible because people misuse their products and services is insane. The casino is not responsible for her gambling habit. McDonalds is not responsible if you eat there for 30 days straight and gain a bunch of weight. The tobacco companies, as horrible as they are, are not responsible for your smoking habit. It's not old Jack or Jim's fault if you get behind the wheel and hurt someone after drinking. And it's not the mall's fault if you ran up a credit card bill you can't afford while in the mall. Children act on impulse and do what feels good. Adults set priorities, control their impulses and act responsibly.

Companies are in business to make money - not look out for you. The casino, the fast food restaurant, the tobacco companies and any other company you can name want you to buy their product. They're not going to stop you. Or babysit you. The government isn't going to do it either. The person who needs to look out for you is the one in the mirror. It's your responsibility to control you, not theirs.

Excuse me while I rant for a moment...

I'm so tired of hearing my mother analyze and criticize my friend! Arg! My friend did something that she shouldn't have done a few months ago, I agree she was in the wrong and I told her so, but my mom has used that one incident to make all kinds of judgments and assumptions about my friend and her marriage and all kinds of stuff. Stop it! I'm sorry that my friend's marriage isn't just as perfect as my mother's was, but unfortunately not everyone can be as perfect as my mother. Yeah, right. My mother is divorced. My friend is not, and in fact has been married to her husband longer than my parents were married. She's not perfect, no, but my mother is the last person who should be criticizing her or judging her.

I get so tired of my mom's judgments and her finger pointing down from on high criticizing everyone who doesn't meet up to her standard of a good marriage or a good driver or a good parent or whatever. She of course doesn't see that she doesn't even meet up to her own standards! I wish she would just get off her high horse and shut up.

Thou Shall Not Homeschool

A California appellate court ruled this week that a Los Angeles family does not have the right to homeschool their children because the parents are not credentialed teachers. Apparently, the case started because the oldest child reported physical and emotional mistreatment from the father. It started as a child welfare case for that reason, and the appropriateness of the homeschooling was one of the matters in question, which is fair. If these children are being mistreated or not properly educated, then those matters need to be looked into and ruled upon. For that family. The dependency court is there to make decisions about the best interests of the children in the courtroom, not proclaim state law.

In this case though, the court went way beyond the scope of a ruling for one family. The court essentially decided that parents do not have the constitutional right to homeschool their children, and that homeschool violates compulsory education laws that require children between ages 6 and 18 to be in public full-time day school, with exceptions made for private full-time day school and tutoring by a credentialed tutor.

As it stands now, CA's homeschoolers fulfill that requirement by establishing themselves as a private school, or by being associated with an independent study program of an existing school. But this law could essentially make it illegal to homeschool if mom doesn't happen to be a credentialed teacher.

This is a scary precedent to be setting, folks. Once again, the liberal CA courts are stepping in and saying that the government knows how to educate your children better than you do. This, coming from the court in Los Angeles, where 50% of LAUSD students don't graduate from high school. Another astounding number of students in the district can't speak, read or write English proficiently. This, from the public school system that will teach your child that it's ok for Heather to have 2 mommies and that it's evil to expect to keep the money you earn instead of allowing the government to give it to other people, but won't teach them to read, write or do math proficiently. And this from the court system that decided that parents aren't really entitled to know if their daughter is being given birth control by the school nurse, or being taken for an abortion, or if their son is being taught how to put a condom on a cucumber in health class.

Oh, and let's talk about the constitutional rights for a minute, if they'd like to play that card. No, parents don't have the express constitutional right to homeschool their children. The constitution also doesn't give women the right to an abortion or to privacy, but that never stopped the court from finding that right in there. The constitution doesn't give anyone the right to be supported by the government in any measure, but that's not stopping Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama from promising universal healthcare. It never stopped any of the other large entitlement programs that exist today. There's no guarantee in the constitution that you will never be offended by anything anyone else ever says or does in public, but that hasn't stopped the virtual ban on Christmas and Easter in public schools and other public venues.

The constitution does guarantee freedom of speech, but somehow that clause only applies to liberal speech in many circles - academia and the media for instance. We've talked before about the fairness doctrine, which is really just an attempt to silence conservative talk radio. Liberals are free to speak, but conservatives better shut up.

Basically, the concept of a constitutional right is used by the liberal courts when it's convenient for them to promote their agendas. If they want to find a right in there, they can. If they want to declare a right not to exist, they can. They want abortion, it's there. They dislike religion based homeschool, it's gone.

Your children do not belong to the government. Your children belong first to God, and then to you. You do not lose your rights as a parent on your child's 6th birthday, despite what this court would like to believe. Parents have the right to not have their children involuntarily subjected (I would use the word indoctrinated actually) with teaching that goes against their personal and/or religious beliefs. Parents have the right and the responsibility to teach their children according to their own value system, and if that means homeschooling, then parents should have the right to homeschool.

The courts are stripping parents of their rights at a frightening speed, and it needs to stop. (Remember there used to be a day when you could spank your kid without fear of being accused of child abuse?) Praise God that this appellate court is one of the most overturned courts in the country and this ruling is likely to be overturned on further appeal, but this is a battle that Christian parents, homeschool parents and all parents need to engage in and fight, first on their knees, then in the courts of law and the courts of public opinion.

The economy is not going to collapse!

Sheesh! Go back in the house, Henny Penny! The economy is slowing down, there's problems with the housing market, there's starting to be problems with the job market, the dollar is weak, but the sky is not falling! Slowdowns, and even recessions, are a natural part of an economy.

We've been through this before, and we're all still here. We're all still blessed to be Americans, we still have our families, we still have our freedom (unless you're a homeschooler in CA, that is), and as far as I'm aware, none of us are homeless. Many of us have our salvation. None of those things can be taken by a recession.

We've been through this before, and guess what? It ended. It didn't last forever. We've had many many years of prosperity since then. As the Bible says, "It came to pass...". It didn't come to stay.

Do me a favor, my fellow Xangans and BBers. Ignore the media. The sky is not falling. Do your job, pay your bills, spend less than you make, save some money, get out of debt. Improve your skills if you need to. Get new skills if you need to. Kiss your spouse, hug your kids. Live your life. Trust God for your needs, not the government. Don't let the media scare you or throw you into a panic. It's all going to be ok. Really, it will.

Keep your towel handy and try not to panic.