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pain_is_my_antidrug
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Name: Susan
Birthday: 4/8/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: anarchism, DIY stuff but not in a fashiony kind of way, activism, animal liberation, environmental preservation, books, music, bicycles and repairing them, critical/radical psychology (as somewhat of my major or at least my focus), perception, consciousness, drugs, free will
Expertise: being insecure and undermining myself
Occupation: student
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/11/2007
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| "What do we want? Reform!
When do we want it? In due process!"
I'm so pumped for the RNC. I just met the first radicals, anarchists, and anti-authoritarians of my life and found myself in one of the most inclusive, fitting-in communities I've ever been in! They were talking about gender pronouns, caucuses, and all these struggles I find to be so important.
The mock protest was awesome too. It was cops vs. protesters and I learned how to form blockades as well as police tactics. So useful!
It was awesome. I'm so excited. They were so nice and accepting!
I really regretted leaving.
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| I just got back from my second to last music festival of the summer. It was great. I saw Public Enemy, Apples in Stereo, Extra Golden, Spoon, Boris, Ghostface Killah & Raekwon, and a whole bunch of other bands.
Public Enemy was intense. After all these years, they're still motherfuckin' Public Enemy. The self-promotion was kind of annoying, but I guess as society has become much more technologically dependent, what can you do. It was so incredible and empowering to go 'Fight the power' with a crowdful of people.
There were a lot of Obama-ites, pot smokers and regular smokers there. All these people pissed me off. People were so casual about their pot smoking too.
The RNC is almost here. I'm so excited. I'm not quite ready as I need to be, but I'll get there when I find some people to meet up with so we can support each other mutually.
I've been trying to form healthy concepts of race, class, and the gender binary, but it's hard. Especially when I realize that no matter how radical I try to be, that I've still been brainwashed to be racist and sexist. It's ironic that as an Asian person, I've been given enough opportunities in life because of my class that I feel so white. bell hooks' stuff is really good. I agree with a lot of what she says, and I'm glad Ryan told me about her. It's so crazy. I've been trying to find Asian/Chinese revolutionaries to identify with, but I guess like a lot of revolutionary groups, they all became bourgeois-ified and got jobs and all. And for awhile, I'd been trying to find some radical identity in black, Latino and white concepts of revolution and radicalism.
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| how Emma and I almost saw Ringo StarrSo, I guess Ringo Starr was supposed to show up at Buckingham Fountain yesterday. Well he didn't. My friend, Emma, and I then heard that he was at the Hard Rock Hotel, so after waiting a half an hour to see him, we ran like mad to the hotel. And then, we waited another half hour before we heard that he had already went out and talked earlier, while we were waiting at the Fountain. And I don't even like the Beatles that much. Oh well.
And we got lost in Englewood yesterday. Ha ha. I would have freaked out more if I had known it was Englewood, but it was no different than when we've gotten lost on the El other times. She's always the one who freaks out.
Well, it feels so good to plan for trips. I'm looking up people on couchsurfing and wishing I had more money, but oh well. And so it goes. The future is exciting!
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| the pride parade, gender, and the LGBT communityThe Pride Parade was fun, despite the blatant corporate and political presence and the weather. The whole reformist, let's try to assimilate into hetero-normative society thing was annoying. That sounds terribly arrogant and callous of me, but anyway... I liked that people were so free with their sexuality and enjoying themselves in the street. That was nice. It was a good atmosphere. There were lots of semi-dressed people making out with each other.
I'm reading this book right now. It's really good. I'm coming to realize that even though I thought a took a pretty critical view towards gender, that I've still been really sexist my whole life. It's a really sucky conclusion to come to, but now I've realized it at least. For instance, I've disliked my own femaleness my whole life and tried to shift towards more masculine roles, while at the same time hating my emotionalness and things which I consider feminine. But to even view these categories in these ways means that I'm looking at gender through the gender binary when all I want to do is tear that down. And I guess I don't treat males and females equally, instead discriminating between different characteristics which I assume they have, for example: artificiality in females and 'naturalness' in males.
It's a really good book. It's changing my view on not just what gender is but how I'd interpreted it before.
The more I see how accepting the LGBT community is, the more I wish I couldn't just take queer as a political label. That's really screwed up that I think that, considering how much my queer comrades are oppressed, but I guess it's something I feel anyway. At least being a part of the fetish subculture is something I can do while still being and accepting myself.
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| up too early on sunday morningThere will always be people to remind me that I should be doing more. So I should just not feel bad when I see them at protests and organizing events and such.
I think, even if I'm not proud of myself, not assertive, or confident enough, as long as there are positive community spaces, even if the state and the police are just under the corner, as long as it's a celebration of people and their wonderfulness and power to fight against those institutions... That just makes it all better for a second.
Oh mann. Dyke march and people doing Critical Mass reminds me how I should've each time organized the critical mass in my city better. It's no use complaining about the past though. There's always lots of work and time involved in building a better tomorrow.
I still have to tear down my own barriers and liberate myself. Even if I keep saying how useful it'll be, I just haven't been able to do it yet. It's so easy to be negative when all I see are my failures. I hate it. I just hate always being alone and unaccepted. I don't understand why those are major fears I have when that's something I face all the time.
I hope, someday, there'll be a community out there where everyone who wants to contribute and love each other and treat each other well can be accepted. None of this hierarchical, materialistic, patriarchal bullshit. Except I've just been sitting on my ass thinking that'll spontaneously happen when it sure doesn't.
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