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It's Monday morning & the sun isn't up yet but I'm already at work.
It's the beginning of a long week & the end of an emotional weekend.
On Friday I bought a plane ticket to San Francisco, at last, & am going up there for four days by myself at the beginning of May. I haven't been apart from Ryan for that long since we've lived together & it's definitely going to be good for us but sad & hard also. He's my best friend & best love & I miss him when we're apart for even a day. I need this trip though & it's very healthy for me to go. I feel nervous & excited for what it will hold.
On Saturday I was hit with another emotional blow with the unexpected death of my Grandma on my mom's side. She's had some health issues recently but was doing quite well & then on Saturday she was at the hospital getting some test done & she died in the elevator. Just like that. Life is but a vapor, a breath, then it's gone in an instant. This is the second grandparent I've lost in a matter of months. It hits you differently the second time though, like the grief was already there & so you feel slightly numb at its resurfacing. I haven't really been crying or wanting to talk to anyone about it or about her. I've mostly been trying to let it go & accept death as a part of life. It's more complex than that, but recently I've had a hard time articulating my thoughts & feelings, so I've been staying quiet.
On Sunday my parents offered me a plane ticket to go with them to New Mexico for the funeral service. None of my other sisters can go but I felt a certain urgency and importance in my going. I feel very certain that this will be a grounding & centering experience with a half of my family that I haven't been close to in years. In a certain sense I feel like I'm going back to my roots. To New Mexico, with the fiery red sunsets & wild horses & beautiful turquoise.
This has been a really hard year but I'm trying to look at it all as a refining process. There is so much good sprinkled in with the sad & bad that it always has a way of eventually balancing out. I'm trying to keep my mental scales tipped to the positive.
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| MAN! So much is going on, so many exciting changes, so many new ideas & thoughts & feelings. I'm in a whole new world & it feels so good. I'll catch you up in a visual way as soon as possible.
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| OK guys, I'm here & I'm back to writing, but be patient with me!
I will update you on everything as soon as possible!
Love to you all. Peace.
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| Today I got:
My cast taken off
To hang out with my mom
Purple pants
A gray t-shirt
Tons of stuff from Bath & Body Works
And 4 pairs of earrings
It was a beautiful day.
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| If I started making updates on here again, would they get read?
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