| The Need To Need
I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget
but I threw away the note
it was something about forgiveness
and a boat that wouldn't float
and I saw you laugh from a block away
and I smiled despite the gloat
for I never would've found the nerve to say
whatever I forgot I wrote
Your words so slick yet unrefined
make me quite keen to hear
but you shuffle me aside or slough me off
until I can't get anywhere near
I'm only in awe and most rightfully shy
it has nothing to do with fear
but every time I go on about you
I shed a self-pitiful tear
Because all I wanted was to be your friend
so I could keep you close
to be around when you needed someone
or just felt a bit morose
but, of course, it was only my selfish desire
to come off all grandiose
because still, in my heart, I care about you
and your cute little upturned nose
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| Illusion of Gravity
I once had wings, they were lovely things
I would soar 'till the sky would roar
As I flew in the blue I would think about you
but I don't really soar any more
I just kinda glide with a friend by my side
...use my legs more'n wings picking up frivolous things
and forgeting about you a bit more
I once wore a coat with a pinned-in note
saying "don't forget, I love you"
and it made me wonder why to or if I should try to
or if I have forgotten what I knew
but I don't wear that coat now and I trashed the sad note
...because all I recall is a scrawl on the wall
made me need to forget about you
|
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| Transvaal
Peaceful enough to bear no waves
and accepting all nature knows
the black or white of it scrimps and saves
while the green team reaps and sows
Pretoria would be my heart
for as long as heartness goes
to sleep each night in earnest
with hope to ease my woes
I could live in a cardbord box
if humanity gave me some space
but space is at some damn premium
on account of some damn race
So I pay my dues to the fancy shoes
with a sometimes smile on my face
as the obscene green makes a profit
and the clean green makes a place
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| Past Imperfect (#2)
She was more than I expected but much less than I could see
as she followed in my footsteps yet remained ahead of me
I held her hand, she was my heart, I couldn't find my own
and I wish the biggest part of her would yet remain unknown
married before the wedding
parent before the child
servant to chosen masters
domestics in the wild
starving for a hunger
groping for release
belonging to an anarchy
unsatisfied with peace
we planned to improvise and still we couldn't pull it off
and we worried far too much about the things we couldn't scoff
we cared so for each other though sometimes we wondered why
I wish it was still like it was when we didn't even try
home became some new place
never felt like it was here
we moved whenever we felt like it
but never came anywhere near
we'd gone so far so randomly
so what else could we do?
we're flexible and prone to bounce
and ready for something new
we looked back and discovered that all our tracks were gone
so caught up in seeing new roads, we couldn't see the road we're on
and the sights we set were higher than either one could reach alone
it'd be sweet to do it over without knowing what we'd known
lighting candles in the daylight never leads to any good
it seems only on my birthday have I ever understood
my life was always my life, she was more than company
and she filled the air with tenderness, most times in spite of me
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I have updated the
time stamp of this poem I wrote back in January because the previous post
was up here too long and this was the last thing that I actually felt compelled to write. I owe all my readers an apology. I haven't had
anything in me that I've wanted to write about for a few weeks now and don't
know when I might again. I have been reading you all and have had very
little to say about most of it. I wish I could express myself
better. I wish I had something encouraging or, at least, entertaining
to say to you, but I don't for now. sorry...
~Ben
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| canonical wisps of zilch
just like two hearts in a blender
add some bulion and some salt
icy chill yet warmly tender
won't admit it's our own fault
in the morning we would wonder
all day long, as I recall
if we never heard the thunder
sorry rain would never fall
you were kind in your quick calling
you were free in your faint praise
knowing lassitude is stalling
don't accept these newfound ways
we stared blankly at the vision
we laughed stiffly at the joke
and with no real indecision
we most carelessly misspoke
take my hand if you would worry
have good cause and then retire
waste your time in your vain hurry
we will never quite expire
for the love that you once gave me
has been frittered far away
and no one will deign to save me
it will be alright someday
with the coming of the storm clouds
admonition in my ears
getting lost in aimless, mad crowds
every day just disappears
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True
