pakho113's Xanga

My summer vacation

Mon, 19 May 2008 03:54:18 GMT

back from bangkok for a 3-day trip

going to have my internship on the first monday of June

and yes, the internship that i have been dreaming so long...YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Victim of Fate?

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 12:59:29 GMT

Are we Victim of fate? Or we made all our choices by ourselves?

According to Alfred Adler (1958), we people are free to act, determine our fate and personality and thus affect our style of life. People attain different ability through heredity and can make use of these abilities on what the environment has given to create their own life. However, while the statement sounds optimistic enough, it seems that it is not always the case.

Alfred Adler (1958) proposed that there will be feeling of superiority inspired when people overcome their feelings of inferiority by dealing with different personal problems. Through this way, people can creatively shape their own life and thus have the power to determine their own fate instead of being a ‘victim of fate’.

The idea of creative self suggested by Adler (1958) is true in certain circumstances. Sometimes, people complain about their lives in a way they pretend to be having no choice to choose from at the first place. But the fact is, at least according to Adler (1958), these people have made their choice at the very first place and they just pretend they do not have a choice to ease their feeling of dissatisfaction in life. A very typical example occurs in school is, students used to tell others how tired they got after an overnight revision and were thus worried for not performing well in the examination due to the lack of sleep. However, these students were actually trying to find an excuse for themselves in case they failed the examination they would not feel that bad because they would be able to tell themselves they were just too tired. As suggested by Adler (1958), these students actually had choices. Had they started revision earlier, they would not have had to stay up so late. On top of that, they also knew, even then they spent a whole night revision, they could not cram much within just one night. Their “overnight revision” was just an excuse for their indifference in study and resultant poor result.

Unfortunately, ‘fate’ is a word means too much to be just an excuse. While Adler’s statement is true on people having choice but choose a choice for an easy excuse, in many more other circumstances, people just do not have much choice. Being a person who has never made my choice based on the ability to make excuse out of it, I have been to a situation where no choice could be made. Kam was a friend of mine who I have known since I was 12 years old. Kam has been a really lazy person and he never had revision even there was an examination going on the next day. While both of us did not attain good result in the HKAL examination, his result was way worse than me. Not only did he not manage to attain ‘pass’ for the two AL subject, but he also failed the two AS level language subject with U grades. On the other hand, although I have failed two AL subject too, I managed to attain C grades for both languages subject. I may not be much smarter than Kam, but judging from the result of HKAL examination, at least I was not a bit worse or less talented than he was. However, just because he is of a really rich family background and his family has got a really good social network, while I stayed at Hong Kong studying for a degree that does not even provide me a proper GPA system and this was the best choice I had made at that time, Kam got an offer from an Australian university. I am not trying to complain how unfair it was for a less-talented people to receive a better offer than I could, however, this example proves that not all people can make a choice. Of course, one can argue, I could have tried harder and thus got an offer from a better university, however, whether I have attained a better result should not be affecting my ability to make a choice later if we people are as free to make a choice as Adler suggested. Moreover, had I worked harder and got better result, I would not be fit into this comparison with Kam, a lazy student who chose to work lazily and thus got a result worse than mine but manage to pick a better choice later for who his family members are. Kam’s situation also demonstrated that not only can we not make choice freely, our capability to make the choice we like is not restricted from our ability or hard work or even the choice made earlier, instead, our capability to make choice is actually more related to our family background or social status of the family- at least at the young age which we cannot do much yet to climb ourselves up on the social ladder. But can we choose which family we were given born to? Certainly not.

For a lot of people, there are not many choices to choose from, when we talk about choice, we are talking about “good choice, better choice, best choice, bad choice, worse choice, worst choice”, people like Kam, who have advanced family background, could choose the best choice such as studying at a university where environment and academic reputation are both excellent, or he could choose the worst choice to go astray and became a drug dealer. What Kam can choose from is what we call “choice”. But in many people like me, who does not have the advanced family background, in a lot of times, we are choosing from “bad choice, worse choice, worst choice”, are these really choices which we can choose freely? Absolutely not, this is more of a “compromise” than a “choice”.

Actually, there are still numerous things in our life not up to our choices. Can we choose how we look like? Not really unless you choose to do a plastic surgery, but before you do that, you have to save enough money for this expensive choice. To have such an expensive surgery done, you have to be employed with a high profile company so as to be paid well. However, according to The Economist (2007), latest studies have proven that beautiful people are more capable to get a well-paid job than those ugly ones. And if ugly people cannot get a well-paid job at the very first place, they are not very likely to accumulate enough money within foreseeable period to make their own choice of how they want themselves to be looking like. Or can we choose a better brain so we are cleverer? Not likely. Can we choose our nationality? Not likely unless you apply for the nationality and have fulfilled the strict requirement, but you cannot make this choice when you are teenagers unless your family again, have advanced background.

After all, we do have choices sometimes, at least we can choose to look at the vulnerability in life as challenges and thus be happier. However, in a lot of times, we are just not capable to make choices. Perhaps the choices are equally bad, or we are making “compromises” rather than “choices”. Rich or better-off people are still always the one who can make most “choices” available for them, leaving the worse-off people and the poor having only “compromises”, the ability to choose a choice does not even necessarily related to personal ability or personal talent. But finally, at least Adler(1958) is right about something, we can always look at things the way we like to, this is one of the very few things, if any, we can choose. We can look at unpleasant incident as they are challenges or other optimistic interpretation such as “this is so cool that I come across difficulties!” or other pessimistic interpretation such as “this is so sad”. We really do have a choice on how we interpret these things, these are our choices. But, when you experience traumatic difficulties, do you still think you have a choice to choose? Even your way to look at it?

We are not victim of fate, at least not totally. We are making choice every minute, just the options given are often under the framework of fate. When you have a better fate, you have better options and thus you have a better sense of self-creative and the feelings that your life is in your hand. On the contrary, when you do not have quite a good framework of fate, you have worse options and thus feel like you cannot choose and have the feelings that your life is out of control. Even though I believe I am lucky enough to make most choice that are really what I want it to be, I cannot deny the fact that “fate” is still the main key to determine one’s everything even one’s outlook on life. After all, as stated above, people do not even have a choice on whether or not they believe in the ability to change their life by making choices, instead, this belief is influenced by their “fate”. Therefore, Alfred Adler (1958)’s idea of creative self cannot generalise everyone’s experience and thus is defective.

Anyone Else But ME?

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 13:09:29 GMT

這是一首很感人的歌,
記得第一次聽到時, 在街上被當中的歌詞感動到雙眼濕透, 幾乎眼淚也滴出來.
"you are a part time lover and a full time friend"
世上有多少人能讓你有這種感受?
說的不是只有你的情人, 而是每一個了解你而, 同時love you for who you are的人,
每一個世界誤解你時會告訴你他們相信你的人
才會don't see what anyone can see, anyone else but you.
這種愛每人生出就起碼有一個,就是媽媽,
媽媽就是那種 "part-time lover+full time friend"的角色, 在你沒情人時, 她是你的full time lover因為她總不計較你會有天離去找自己的"full time lover", 當你有lover時, 她就是那個最為你著想的full time friend.
另一個這樣的人, 就是你的lover, 我想這不用多說,
在他們眼中, 即使別人笑你醜, 他們寧願說自己也醜, 為的就是要與你相配,
"We sure are cute for two ugly people"
這些千絲萬縷的付出, 真是用一世也回報不了,
只好借這兒的空間,這首歌的歌詞, 跟你們兩個說:
" thanks for everything, thanks for the stage you two have given me and thanks for being my fans.
even i don't have any other fans, you two have completed my life.
I Love YOU!"

Kimya: You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend

Adam: I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Adam: I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Kimya: Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Adam: The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Kimya: I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
Both:
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du

Kimya: Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Adam: You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Kimya: We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Adam: Don Quixote was a steel driving man. My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Kimya: Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Both:
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du
But you

-雜思-

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:16:08 GMT

1.當女的訛稱自己為天真與傻時, 男的應該是無知還是幼稚? 我不明白, 為何所有演藝界的人都說她勇敢? 拜託, 做錯事認錯是理所當然的, 有什麼好支持的? 請不要試圖混淆視聽,這只突顯你們的反智.

2.選擇性執法, 怎會成了新聞? 我以為只有剛發生的方為新聞.

3.一連二十多天的佔據頭條紀錄完了, 可是明天的頭條更令人心痛.

4.每個香港人都為失去了肥姐而心痛, 每個子女亦為欣宜感到心痛...要堅強,好好活下去

5.杜汶澤你呢條仆街聽日唔好假仁假義話香港人既損失, 當日你係其中一個笑欣宜笑得最犀利既仆街, 唔好同肥姐扮friend搏上位, 因為你並唔係你自己想像中既港人/草根發聲筒, 當然,你既教育程度絕對草根, 不過你既文化水平有排都做唔到發聲筒...by the way,你好似冇做903啦wor hor?唔怪得之香港重未沉啦

A Day To Be Remembered

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 11:20:27 GMT

My grandfather just passed away today.
May he rest in peace.

Life is short.
Work Hard. Play Hard.

What does it take to make a best friend?

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 07:33:39 GMT

it has been a long time for me not to have a xanga entry
live has been so dry during and after the freaking term exam..

until today, i chatted to Peter as usual, then we came across with something we found really interesting - our outlook on friendship

i was very tolerant and i used to deny my friends nothing when i was in high school,
as i get older, i gradually find it impossible to be that tolerant because i am not a saint and i do have feelings and my own preference, no one could ever take them away from me

these recent years, i get chances to understand myself more, have a clearer picture on what i want, who i want to hang out with, and what i cannot stand with. Sometimes, i wonder, isn't it a pity to lose some of my friends who i have known for years? the answer is, yes, BUT, it would be a torture to have friends who don't give a call unless they want to ask for help, friends who is too busy to celebrate my birthday but free enough to hang out with people i told them i dislike, and also friends who hardly ever care about me. surely, it is painful to see how friendship fades, however, it comes the question - what does it take to make a best friend and how to maintain a healthy friendship?
To answer the first part of this question, i tried to make a list of what quality i look for in my friends:

1. Be honest to me and to him/herself
2. Trust me the way i trust them
3. Connectable
4. A good listener
5. A patient person
6. Not being judgmental on me, just the way i respect them
7. Be independent and responsible for themselves
8. Someone who can make u a happier person (thanks for providing me with this point Peter)
9. Never ever betray me

while there are only nine points in this list, it does not make it easy to make a best friend, not to say, the picture behind is that there are too many points to make a comprehensive list. So, at the end of the day, is it possible to make a best friend based on the list, and only make friends according to the list, like the way u go to supermarket with a shopping list?

The fact is, it is hardly ever possible.
because friendship is not a one-way highway which u can drive ur wheel to the end and reach ur destination,
even u think someone is ur best friend, he/ she may, as time goes, become so different that u cannot recognise, or maybe u simply did not know who he/ she truly is at the very first place.

It thus comes to the point, how much we know about each other? or more accurately, how much do we know about ourselves?

When i was in high school, i really did not know too much about myself,
so i ended up giving an impression to every friends that i am so nice that i deny them nothing
but now, i am someone who know himself enough to make every choice wisely,
while some ppl think that i am too subjective and extreme, i just understand myself too much to make a mistake over my choice,
not that i am cruel, but i cannot, and will not stand everything i dislike, and any betrayal behaviour
not that i change as a person, but i change in the way i totally understand myself
and, if a best friend who i care so much gives so much pain and torture to me, y not let go of them and give this "so-called" friendship up? As one gets older, there are enough bother and trouble to deal with, one should not waste their time and spirit on troubles that should have let go.
After all, in reality, we all are responsible for ourselves and facing the scarcity of resources and the tradeoff it brings, there is really no reason to waste the resources on no-hopes. :)

重燃的熱情

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 18:17:42 GMT

十年了,
當有人站在台上高調地大談自己這十年如何成功,
當有人站在台上高調地提醒大家自己這十年如何奮鬥,
你還是你, 像一貫的默不作聲,
靜靜的把風頭留給她們慢慢搶.

今晚看了你的演唱會,
看到你靈活的舞步,
自信的聲線,
穩重的低音, 不再勉強的高音,
純熟的真假音轉換,
不再虛無的假音,
真的很為你高興, 因為所有別人要求的, 和你自己要求的, 都一一做到了
在這裡, 真的要說, "我很驕傲"

想起了很多關於你的事,
原來, 我從來都不願承認你是不完美的,
但今天, 當我知道現在的你方是完美時,
我必須承認,當初, 我喜歡的是你的缺陷美...

沒有一把獨特的聲線,
沒有十分好的演技,
像一個鄰家女孩般幼嫩的你,
如一個平凡不過的女生一樣,
為愛情,做過蠢事, 吃過虧,
別人說你不是唱歌的啜子, 你在他們的罵聲中咬緊牙關改善自己,
這一切一切, 都是你的奮鬥故事, 就如很多普通人一樣,
和你很多同行不同, 當大家都走了捷徑去成功時,
你堅持要赤腳走路,
今天, 你的路走出來了,
雖然前路是否依然崎嶇仍是一個迷,
但我相信你依然是你, 仍是那個不走捷徑赤腳走路的你

沒有attention whores們的高調,
你這低調的十年仍是比她們的充實,精彩

看到你今天的表現,

衷心說一聲 --- 的很自豪

P.S. 有冇搞錯呀!!!我差少少就握到gigi隻手啦!就係呢個時候個security撞埋來搞到我只係掂到個security隻手!!!邊個想掂你隻手je!!!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 11:11:45 GMT

朋友　我當你一秒朋友
朋友　我當你一世朋友
奇怪　過去再不堪回首
懷緬　時時其實還有

朋友　你試過將我營救
朋友　你試過把我批鬥
無法　再與你交心聯手
畢竟　難得　有過最佳損友

從前共你　促膝把酒　傾通宵都不夠
我有痛快過　你有沒有
很多東西今生只可給你　保守至到永久
別人如何明白透
實實在在　踏入過我宇宙
即使相處到　有個裂口
命運決定了　以後再沒法聚頭
但說過去　卻那樣厚

問我有沒有　確實也沒有
一直躲避的藉口　非甚麼大仇
為何舊知己　在最後　變不到老友
不知你是我敵友　已沒法望透
被推著走　跟著生活流
來年陌生的　是昨日最親的某某

生死之交當天不知罕有
到你變節了　至覺未夠
多想一天　彼此都不追究　相邀再次喝酒
待　葡萄成熟透
但是命運入面　每個邂逅
一起走到了　某個路口
是敵與是友　各自也沒有自由
位置變了　各有隊友

早知解散後　各自有　際遇作導遊
奇就奇在　接受了　各自有路走
卻沒人像你　讓我　眼淚背著流
嚴重似情侶　講分手

不知你又有沒有　掛念這舊友
或者自己　早就想通透
來年陌生的　是昨日　最親的某某
總好於　那日我　沒有　沒有　遇過　某某

Doomed to be scorpio

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 01:30:27 GMT

人病了,
不知是荷爾蒙還是藥物影響,
總會把早已拋開的事再想一次,
把想不通的事又再想不通一次,
我想,我對朋友的這種想法,是因為我是天蠍座吧
當人在自己感到無助的事情上, 總會變得迷信
想不到我也逃不了

是時候要和"毒友"們作一個了斷!

Feel so good

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 16:05:37 GMT

今天晚上,
在電視機前看著兒時偶像的演出,
心裡真的很欣慰,
她的演繹終於可以叫那有偏見的majority shut up!

還記得兒時第一次拿自己儲了很久的錢買的第一塊錄音帶,
就是她的"短髮",
自那天起, 那幾個月就隨身都帶著walkman,
不管去到那裡, 都是聽著她的, 咀裡也是哼著她的,
那時的我, 還只是喜歡她的歌.

之後, 到了"today",
那已經是cd的時代了,
雖然bee gees成了我第一隻買的cd,
但"today"始終成了我第一張買的香港歌手cd,
到了之後的"新鮮",
又成了我第一張買的國語碟,
那時我在儲了很久的錢後,終於買了一部cd walkman,
由於沒有太多資金的關係, 當大家手上都有一部sony時, 我買的只是一部 aiwa,
但我不認為這是個問題,反正,多人用的不一定就是好,多人說的不一定就是對
而機內每天播的, 除了"新鮮", 就是"新鮮"

同年, 一天, 報章說她做了第三者,與某個一直事業處於低點, 而且吃女友軟飯的窩囊癈走在一起了,
大家都說她是第三者, 是狐狸精, 是什麼什麼, 說話要多難堪有多難堪
那時我為她大感不值,為何錯的就只有她一人?
就是那時起,我開始喜歡她,
喜歡她因為她有那種沉默是金, 默默忍耐, 為愛情甘受千夫所指而不發一語的能耐

之後幾年,她的cd,電影,新聞,我都留意得很,是一個真正的fans
而她的兩場演唱會,我都單人赴會,而且都是買最昂貴的票,
因為身邊的朋友都說她唱得不好, 說她沒有實力,(諷刺地,說這些話的只是楊千淚和陳彈林的歌迷,現在回想,除了苦笑我還可怎樣?)
直到這兩三年,可能人大了,對偶像的狂熱減少了不少,
直至她與那窩囊癈分手, 我都只是聽了就算

今天,看到她唱"花火","灰姑娘",以至"幾分鐘的約會"時和音的自信時,
我知道,妳長大了,
進步了,
minority is standing up.