Oh heavens...I do not have time for this.

But, as usual, here goes anyways.

My thoughts?  Life is fast.  I have always known this but I've always felt like it would just go on forever.  I feel like things are actually coming to an end (senioritis I suppose).  I feel like I'm about to hit a brick wall at high speed.  I feel out of control.  Finals, work, speech, track, friends, church, family, a new baby, college...good gracious I might implode.  I dont feel like I have enough energy to explode...just implode...all over the place.  Ew.

This is my typical rant, right? "Ah my life stinks because I'm busy-boo-hoo."  Yeah? Well...yeah.  It is my typical rant, but here's my thoughts...again.

I figure things will slow down (you know, I always say this and they never do--you'd think I'd learn or something) after NcFL Nationals for Speech and True Team Section next week for Track and the PolSci final tomorrow.  Yet, somehow deep inside I know I'll just find another way to busy myself, stress, implode all over again.

My day was good.

I had my World Civ class this morning and my teacher complimented my writing skills asked if I wanted to do a special final.  Haha, jigga what?  Riggs is awesome, by far one of my favorite teachers ever, but me? Do a final that only one other person is taking in my class? Haha, all I can do is laugh and sheepishly accept.  Jeez I'm a dork.

Track is better.

I'm slowly getting better this season. 9'6'' then 10' then 10'3'' the other day at Eastview.  I miss 10'6''.  I havent seen that height in a while and if I'm going to make my 11'6'' goal for this year I'm going to have to be working a lot harder.  On a similar note, I've tried to step up as captain.  I want to lead by example.  I'm trying to make it fun. 

Time is an interesting thing.  It's like, the more you have of it the wealthier you are.  If you have time because you make money then, yo, you're rich!  If you have time but you dont make money then you're smart and obviously well-off in that sense.  I, however, in a struggle to make time, to have time, just end up loosing it anyway.  What gives?

Preaching to the choir.

I tell myself everyday that the more you give, the more you'll get whether it be compliments, services, smiles, jokes, frowns, disses, etc.  Maybe that's the case with time too.  If you make time, you'll get it.  Obviously.

I rant a lot.  I think I'm just incredibly mentally drained tired and physically worn out.  Thats why I'm rambling with out much of a point.  What's interesting is that I'm emotionally stable as of late. I'm...dare I say it...happy?

Oh I'm so happy.

No boy problems (no boys=no problems...haha right?), no particular school problems (considering I dont need to take one of my finals and in all my other classes I'm the queen of BS--YES!!), no friend problems (my friends own in the face and I couldnt be happier)....life is good.

I want one of those Life is Good shirts from REI, just in case I ever forget the good times.

Anywho, I really really really ought to be studying for this final but somehow I'm not worried. SLAP ACROSS THE FACE. Get in the game, girl!  Let's go!  Curse me and my attention span that's--oh hey a blue car!  Just kidding.

My nephew is really cute and I find myself making lots of excuses to go over to Charis's.  "Can I bring you dinner?"  "Does baby need any gifts from my store?"  "Charis, will you help me with my assignment?"  Bull crap.  I'm sure Charis is sick of seeing me but I love Tate.  He's so dang cute, except the fartface sleeps all the time.  Well, I will continue to find ways to be in that kids life.  Give and get right?

Quietdrive. Tax refund. Susie. Pool Vault. Prom?

Sitting at home, wearing clothes that REALLY match, fuzzy-fuzz styled hair, stalking people on facebook, searching for phone numbers of favorites, mulling over speech performances, listening to thinking music, thinking...

So, lots on my mind and lots of time to waste. Let's go!

Fun:  On Friday I went down to Leslie's house with a bunch of the church kids for this wicked-awesome date.  We ate Mac N Cheese, had a Play-Doh animal making contest (Cheney and I won with our emo kid), played Musical Chairs--I lost everytime but make a great MC, played Don't Eat Pete--I highly recommend it, watched Clue: the Movie, and topped the night off with some of those delicious dirt Oreo gummy worm things courtesy of Emily and Trevor (and Breia for the Oreos?).  Clearly a WONDERFUL night.  I seriously love my friends.  I think what I love most is that we don't need to do anything special to have the time of our lives.  I like how we can pay Simon Says and Musical Chairs and not think twice about ridiculous we probably look to the outside world.  I don't want to be all sappy and cliche but I love them, love them all very very much.

Forensics:  Wow, that's not a lovely topic right now, is it?  Rant: I'm just tired of being mediocre.  I'm tired of working hard, being pulled in every direction by every coach, and then still not making anyone happy in the end--particularly myself.  I wish I could've pulled through on my was-going-to-be-new humor.  Maybe it had potential.  Maybe it could've taken me places.  Maybe not.  Aside from Humor, Drama is kicking my butt just as much.  Remember after Wycoff Camp when I found a small niche in Drama?  I lied.  It's so very very hard.  In no way can I relate to three women who lost they're closest family members and friends, two of which are Scottish, and one is 60+ years old.  As much as I LOVE my piece, it is so dang hard.  I care for these women.  It's not real, yeah, I get that, but I still care for them--I just wish I could feel what they feel.  And Oratory, oh boy.  I love it, I love my new topic and my new spin on the whole thing but it, like everything else it seems, is driving me nuts.  It's taking forever to write, I don't get as much input as I would like, and I work unto all hours of the night for no recognition or pay-off.  By no means am I asking for a pat on the back and a "good job" but I am asking for hard work to pay off.  NatQuals are less than two weeks away--maybe it will.  Maybe.

Family: I love them.  Charis's baby is due in April and the family is going nuts.  We're all so excited particularly myself.  I've always loved babies I just feel like they hate me.  Whatever, this little will have to love me.  I'll bring him candy.  That's an easy in, right?  Charity is great too.  I love playing with my sisters.  We have a lot of fun together.  Mom is getting better from her accident, slowly but surely.  She's a fighter.  My dad.  My dad started crying the other day because he said he's gonna miss me so much when I go off for college.  Poor guy loves his kids more than life itself and one by one they're leaving him for bigger and better things.  I guess that's the hard part about being a parent.  That's one aspect I certainly am not looking forward to (that and poopy diapers).  I've never been great with goodbyes.

Faith:  Church hasn't been awesome lately.  I miss feeling the fire I felt last year and particularly last summer.  I blame myself.  I blame Seminary in part too.  There are lots of things I should be doing that I'm not and I know it.  It's difficult to realize that you're digging yourself a hole.  But, I have been making some strides.  Hanging out with the Mormon kids is one of them.  Doing that really gets me excited for BYU.  Katie Haskin and I are going to be roommates and it's going to ROCK.  I can't wait to college and all of the old friends I'll see and all the new people I'll meet---LIKE BOYS!  However, I would like to state publically that I am, first and foremost, going to college to get an education, NOT A HUSBAND.  None of this MRS degree business either.

Friends:  Namely, boy-friends.  I have none.  Excuse me, rather, I don't have one.  I have many, many-a interests but I've been real good about restraining myself.  GOOD JOB CARRIE!!  Okay, this time I do need a "good job" because this is not easy.  I've just come to realize that I need to get out, have fun, and if it happens it happens.  Done and done.  Katie Anderson and Susie and I today were talking about boys (duh) but more specifically qualities of boys.  I've decided that one I absolutely NEED is playfulness.  Good gracious I wanna marry someone like my dad...just 40 some years younger...and not my dad.  He is funny, playful, a hard worker, a looker (or was at his prime in high school haha), gospel oriented, a cuddler, and a great conversationalist PLUS he really likes to argue with me--YES!! Bring it on, challenge me, and then lets throw food at each other lovingly and have Mom yell at us.  Oh, the Van Dusen household.  The life is good here.  (P.S.  I started this paragraph talking about my boy troubles and ended talking about foodfights. Ha, I would.)

Forecasts:  It's snowing ridiculously outside.  Church is cancelled for the first time in...well...ever.  Work was cancelled for me today too.  Wow.  I watched a van try for 10 minutes try and get up my street and then give up.  Bummer, I'm going sledding with Travis and Crabs which brings my ranting and raving to a close.  The night is young and so am I.  TIME TO LIVE.

GO GET EM.

I say that too much.  But I like it.

Want to know what is refreshing?

Old friends.

I hang out with all my old church friends last night and it was seriously the most fun I've had in a lOOOOng time.  We were just ridiculous, playing pool, played Simon Says (for sure!), and watched Step Up.  Even the boys liked it!  I apologize for my commentary though.  I can't help it. :)

Tomorrow there's a Harry Potter marathon at Josh's and I'm pumped for that. More good times with the kids.

Happy Days.

F'Emory.

It stands for something inappropriate--aren't you proud?

haha just kidding.

So Emory went well.  I broke to Finals in Oratory (which was miracle by all means) and ended up with 5th.  I didnt end up breaking in DI but that was fine.  Lulu broke to quarters in Oratory and P/P (do the PP dance?) and Susie to Semis in Oratory.  Eric ended up with 2nd in Prose/Poetry and we are very very proud of him.  Atta kid.

PS--Eric got a book and Susie and I got keys. HAHAHAHA

Although Emory went well I dont think it'll go down in my books as a "good weekend" or a "fun time."  It was a LOOOONG tournament and I felt spread very thin.  There was also a lot of hurt feelings and hooha but maybe that'll all work out....later.

BUT, I did see my old Trinity Prep buddies and met a BAGILLION (ok like 4-ish) new friends.  That was probably the highlight of my weekend--playing and meeting with new fun people.  I hope I hope I hoooope we can get enough people to go to Harvard.  I'm READY to go to a tournament feeling READY for once.  I'm sick of pulling performances out of my butt (ew) because I wasn't adequately prepared.  Hmm, time will tell. We've got a whole season for that.

The rest of our fab-tab team got split between Marshall and Eden Prairie.  I heard good things and I hope everyone feels satisfied BUT NOT SO SATISFIED AS TO NOT CONTINUE TO WORK HARD!!!  Haha just kidding...kindof.

The season will be a good one. I HOPE.

Now for pictures.

Oh and PS I got officially accepted to BYU. Owned.

normandale started.

i work a lot. --except i dont?

i speech a lot.  --Emory, GA next weekend.

i dye my hair a lot. --I'm brunnetteish on accident.

i should do my homework more.  --yeah.

i wish i could sleep more.

i wish i liked seminary better.

i wish i liked church more.

i wish i was blonde again.

i wish i would just be satisfied with my hair.

i wish for a pet.

i wish for satisfaction in general.

UTAH:

megan.

brooke and kaylie.

faith. (eating ofcourse)

brennan.

BYU.

sonic.

it was a good trip.