peanutbutterandchelly's Xanga

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 23:27:52 GMT

one more day waking up in the afternoon

sleeping away my day helps me forget you

all i hear is your voice crying "someday soon!"

keep my mind filled with anything is all i can do

who knew this love would turn out so slashed

who knew you would end up a part of my past

i want you back, in my arms to stay

if this is some game i dont wanna play

i want you to have and to hold forever

we're off to endure this false endeavor

you are in my heart still now

letting go, i'll never know how

i want you back in your arms to cry

my tears on your shirt leave my dye

a stain on this life you are told to live

a stain on the choice you weren't given

i want you here, to save me

come on who are we ever going to kid with this

we never wanted to be in this place alone again

all the stuff you have put us through i will not miss

let go of your power trip so we can just mend

i dont want your charity or fake smiles

i just want to be left alone for a while

i want you back, in my arms to stay

if this is some game i dont wanna play

i want you to have and to hold forever

we're off to endure this false endeavor

you are in my heart still now

letting go, i'll never know how

i want you back in your arms to cry

my tears on your shirt leave my dye

a stain on this life you are told to live

a stain on the choice you weren't given

i want you here, to save me

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 19:26:28 GMT

so...when is the perfect time for a parent to realize that they have taught their children well and it is time to let them make their own choices according to what they were taught?

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Sun, 07 May 2006 10:16:29 GMT

hey so i've been working like 18 hours each week plus school so i've been super busy, but i'm waitressing now so i'm actually making money! lol. its kinda fun actually. anyways...school is school and its almost over thank goodness! i can't wait for summer man. banquet was friday night and it was amazing. my hair was huge!!!! lol. it was all curled up cute in a bun! i felt gorgeous. anyways...then...we had the after party where i ended up fallin asleep early so...o well. i took all my bobby pins out i had 80 of them!!!!! anyways...i gotta go to church! mwa!

chels

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 17:53:39 GMT

hey so i think i got a tad burned today...grr...o well. anywho...things are cool down here...tomorrow we go to the beach and thursday we leave... i guess i need a longer spring break...its just entirely too short!!! o well...i'm probly gonna get back from this vacay and say that i need a vacation...stinks how that works huh? well i'm out bye!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 10:40:32 GMT

hey so florida is amazing...yea pretty much...lol. we're headed to the beach in a bit..and now we are just lounging around the pool....ahhh...beautiful feeling...i'm moving guys...somewhere warm!!!!! and there is nothin you can do to stop me...lol.

chels

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 15:53:10 GMT

Hey so...lucas and i are no longer an item...school is insanely busy...o i mean INSANELY...especially since i am leaving for florida on thursday...leaving me with tomorrow to take like 5 tests...no i take it back 3. lol...i'm really really looking forward to the vacation though. i need it really bad...i feel like lately i've just been about to crack all the time...ya know? i'm excited for the tan too. i look good in a tan...lol. just kidding...well sorta. i'm attempting to read the book captivating and...i'm not getting very far...i wish i could keep focused. I had my talent show on friday which was pretty darn cool. lol i hit it great on my song i was excited. i liked the song i ended up doing too. it was never alone by barlow girl and it was just great fun. anyways thats whats new...fill me in on you...

chels

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 12:40:15 GMT

Hey so i know that i havent been around much but i'll update soon dont worry...

chels

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 22:36:21 GMT

I GOT A 29!!!!!!!!!! wow...i'm so excited...so excited...for Azusa pacific university i need a 30 and a GPA of 3.9 for Olivet I need a 32...and i got a 29 on my first try...without studying...and as a junior!!!!!! o my gosh...i'm so so so excited...God is good...

Monday, February 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 23:46:45 GMT

i was thinking
over thinking
cause there's just too many scenarios
to analayze
look in my eyes
cause you're my dream please come true

i was thinking
over thinking
about exactly how i'm not exactly him
i'll break my heart in two
more times than you could ever do
cause you're my dream please come true

cause i think way too much
on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch
cause i'm so far behind

i can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done before
and if there's one in this world,
you let me know you're not that girl

i was sinking
lower, sinking
cause i lost the things i held on to
they let me think a thought
a thought that i would know was not
of seeing my dream come true

i was thinking
over thinking
about how far i had let this go
one more guy/girl chiché
i know now you're just in the way
of me and my dream come true

cause i think way too much
on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch
cause i'm so far behind
i'm trying to make sense
out of all of this
while your fading scent
just slips through my grip

i can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done before
and if there's one in this world,
you let me know you're not that girl

don't touch the positive with the negative end
don't touch the positive with the negative end
cause after all of the sparks you're left alone in the dark
cause after all of the sparks you're left alone in the dark

and while i'm able, i think i'll label
experience with you as a mistake
and while i'm at it, i'll say i've had it
experience with you is a mistake

cause i think way too much
on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch
cause i'm so far behind
i'm trying to make sense
out of all of this
while your fading scent
just slips through my grip

i was thinking
over thinking
cause there's just too many scenarios
to think about
to figure out
if you're my dream please come true

Where am I!? Where are you?
There's so much time so little to do
We're busy doing nothing cause it's vanity we prize.
You can't see nothing cause you can't see through your eyes.
They're covered with a film, you're blinded by yourself.
You're the one to blame but you pretend it's someone else.

Life could you be a little softer to me.
Life could you be a more gentle to me.
Yeah I know this is a selfish plea,
Because Christ sacrificed his flesh
On the cross for me
But this world is hard,
It's cruel and I wish it could be...
Softer to me

I'm still alive. That much is true
I've never lied, well, I guess I've told a few.
There's nothing to see because I brought nothing to show.
The coversation got too deep, I shrug and tell you I' don't know.
This life can get so hard, this world can be so cruel,
Sometimes I fall apart I feel just like a useless tool.

i think it might just be alright
to leave what matters out of sight
old habits die hard, holding on
inevitable means it's never gone

told myself what i need to hear
i think the point was very clear
i showed me what we missed since we
slipped into inconsistency

it seems if my ties with you get severed
i can't seem to hold a thing together
i just fall apart
cause that's my trademark

it's my, my trademark move
to turn my back on you
it's my, my trademark move
to realize i should improve
and sometime soon after that
you'll see me come crawling back

i'll kill the thing that turns me away
amputate the arm that will disobey
withdraw from everything that's hurting me
until you finish your work in me

told myself what i need to hear
i think the point was very clear
i showed me what we missed since we
slipped into inconsistency

it seems if my ties with you get severed
i can't seem to hold it all together
i just fall apart
cause that's my trademark

it's my, my trademark move
to turn my back on you
it's my, my trademark move
to realize i should improve
and sometime soon after that
you'll see me come crawling back

it's my, my trademark move
to turn my back on you
it's my, my trademark move
to turn my back on you
it's my, my trademark move
to turn my back on you
it's my, my trademark move
to realize i should improve
and sometime soon after that
you'll see me come crawling back

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

I've been thinking it over
Taking the time to find the words
Getting closer to this God I serve
Because he came over and God became a man
Coming in colors in black and white and red
I've been thinking it over and over
Barely breathing, seeing the meaning
Of God in love, come from above
And I've been thinking it over
Hallelujah, that God would make a man
Hallelujah, and save him with His hand
I've been thinking it over
Barely breathing, seeing the meaning
Of God in love, come from above
And I've been thinking it over
So could I come over and bow before Your feet
Sit and wonder how I have been received?
I've been thinking it over

In a little while I will go for you, in a little while I will bleed for you.
In a little while I will hang for you, in a little while I will call for you.
You, I only want to spend my time with you.
I cracked my skin so I could be with you.
I made the world to stop it just for you, I want to be with you.
There's a little place that I will build for you.
There's an empty space that I will fill in you.
You, I only want to spend my time with you.
I cracked my skin so I could be with you.
I made the world to stop it just for you, I want to be with you.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think i'm wasting my time
Doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm all right
and you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing last for ever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
'Cuz you don't understand

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Why can't you just let me
Do the things I wanna do
I just wanna be me
I don't understand why
Would you wanna bring me down
I'm only having fun
I'm gonna live my life
Like I wanna do

I'm tired of rumors starting
I'm sick of being followed
I'm tired of people lying
Saying what they want about me
Why can't they back up off me
Why can't they let me live
I'm gonna do it my way
Take this for just what it is

Roll over baby, the time has come
to make a little bit more room
I've hung around you, it's getting tough
I think I'm gonna break down soon

I remember, crying in the park, it was getting dark
Suddenly I looked up
You were my sky
So go on and
Sleep darling
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream
It's cool baby
It doesn't matter anyway
I'm so sorry
We got to the station a little too late
It's such a shame
We just missed the train

Be quiet angel, don't make a sound
Save it for a rainy day
Oh can't you see me, I'm such a mess
trying hard to find my way

Do you remember, wasting all that time, we were feeling fine
Though we couldn't walk a line
We were alright

So go on and
Sleep darling
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream
It's cool baby
It doesn't matter anyway
I'm so sorry
We got to the station a little too late
It's such a shame
We just missed the train

Oh, why'd that train just pass us by
Didn't anyone see
We were stuck at the light
Or we would've made it on time

So sleep darling
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream
It's cool baby
It doesn't matter anyway
I'm so sorry
We got to the station a little too late
It's such a shame
We just missed the train

Everybody’s talking
But they don’t say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don’t want the sympathy
Its cool you didn’t want me
Sometimes you can’t go back
Buy why’d you have to go and make a mess like that
Well I just have to say
Before I let go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low

No I don’t need your number
There’s nothing left to say
Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be saved
My friends are outside waiting
I’ve gotta go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
What you did was low (low)
What you did was low (low)
What you did was low (low)

I walk out of this darkness
With no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know that you can’t say that
Here's to show
For all the time I loved you so…
So...

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
Cuz what you did was low

I see how your trying to weasel
your way in
boy i know how you manueveur
with your confusion

you tell me that i'm your only
and how bad that you want me
then why are you so shady
if i'm supposed to be your lady

why should I believe anyting you say
and how could you shame me that way

tell me where where did you get the nerve
to even think that you you could
play me wrong

you thought we didn't know
you thought we were in the dark
but boy your covers blown
cause we both know now

you thought you had us fooled
at your beckon call
but now who's the joke
and look who's laughing now

now your trying to use us against one another
but it won't work

i see right though your game boy
and i know exactly where to play boy
you tried to deny all your actions
for once in your life be a real man
at least give me the proper respect
of the truth i already know you did it

why should I believe anyting you say
and how could you shame me that way

tell me where did you get the nerve
to even think that you could
play me wrong

you thought we didn't know
you thought we were in the dark
but boy your covers blown
cause we both know now

you thought you had us fooled
at your beckon call
but now who's the joke
and look who's laughing now

I see right through you baby
try not to be like you don't want me
why don't you get it through your thick head
cause i've seen this game before
and i'm not showing you the door so
SHUT YOUR MOUTH
i'm not trying to hear your lies
no not again
sorry you couldn't be a better man

you thought we didn't know
you thought we were in the dark
but boy your covers blown
cause we both know now

you thought you had us fooled
at your beckon call
but now who's the joke
and look who's laughing now
Guess you thought wrong
look who's laughing now

Something just isn't right
I can feel it inside
The truth isn't far behind me
You can't deny

When I turn the lights out
When I close my eyes
Reality overcomes me
I'm living a lie

When I'm alone I
Feel so much better
And when Im around you
I don't feel

[Chorus:]
Together
It doesn't feel right at all
Together
Together we've built a wall
Together
Holding hands we'll fall
Hands we'll fall

This has gone on so long
I realize that i need
Something good to rely on
Something for me

When I'm alone I
Feel so much better
And when Im around you
I don't feel

[Chorus]

My heart is broken
I'm lying here
My thoughts are choking on you my dear
On you my dear
On you my dear

When I'm alone I
Feel so much better
And when Im around you
I don't feel

[Chorus x2]

When I'm around you
When I'm around you
I don't feel together
I don't feel together
When I'm around you
When I'm around you
I don't feel together
I don't feel together

Monday, February 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 07:49:58 GMT

so i'm grounded from the phone so if you wanna talk to me you gotta do it online somehow...myspace email or commenting on my xanga...love you all!

chels