If the bible was re-written and the writers put me in it
I wonder how my life would read?
Would the people that have heard of me read just to learn of me be turned away by what they see?
Or would they slump in their sofas blown away and sober by my life... didn't come to believe
Or would they do a once over read the pages of my life, and once it's over, close the book and say that's not how I want to be!

And that's a sad commentary when I'm buried under the public to see
But I pray they remember me for
walking in integrity being what God called me to be.
And if I leave an impression man I hope that I impress them with a life that was clean and free

And I pray that it's not embarrasing when they read my narrative once I finally do leave.

Let's Go!

Am I more like Cain full of hatred to my brother to slain?
Or am I more like Jezebel sexual in all my ways?
(Think about it)
Or am I more like Mary pure and holy 'till I lay in the grave?
Or am I more like Abel, able to please God with my ways?
(Think about it)

If the book was re-written and the writers put me in it what would they say about my private life?

Would they say that my commitment to the ministry was strong but that I never spend time with my wife?

What would they say about my character?
Would they say that I was arrogant, an American full of myself?

How would they write about my parenting?
Would they say while traveling, I put my children up on the shelf?
Would it be positive or negative if everything I ever did was charted down and read by all?
Not only the stuff you could see on the surface but the stuff that was done in the dark?

Well if the boys could talk when the doors was locked would they say that I was off the chain or would it be the complete opposite would they say that my public and private life were all the same?

Am I more like Cain full of hatred to my brother to slain?
Or am I more like Jezebel sexual in all my ways?
(Think about it)
Or am I more like Mary pure and holy 'till I lay in the grave?
Or am I more like Abel, able to please God with my ways?
(Think about it)

If the book was re-written and the writers put me in who would they say that I resemble the most?

Would it be Joseph or Sampson both of 'em handsome only one of 'em was a symbol of hope.

Or would I be listed among the greats mentioned among the saints in the hall of fame?

Would I'd have to be stripped of this running the base a product of my own mistakes?
Now I know it's not possible but if the book was re-written man I wonder how my life would read.

From 2 years old till my funeral would I fail or would I succeed? Cuz when they write my biography what would they recall about the life and times about the man it means a lot to me!
Cuz in the story I leave 'em I am either God's leader or a picture of what not to be.

Am I more like Cain full of hatred to my brother to slain?
Or am I more like Jezebel sexual in all my ways?
(Think about it)
Or am I more like Mary pure and holy 'till I lay in the grave?
Or am I more like Abel, able to please God with my ways?
(Think about it)
Who Am I?

Have you ever just been so sick of yourself and your behaviors?  I have for the past few months....more so recently.   God has granted each one of us the freedom to choose how we spend our time, how we treat people, what we let people get away with, what we let ourselves get away with...  Like many, I have made poor choices in so many areas.  And I can sit here all day and tell you how sorry I am that I did these things, but unless I choose to make a change, it means nothing.  The more I go through this with God, the more I see how I am playing games with him.  -A surface relationship.  I do not want that anymore.  I am seeing that not standing up to people is dishonoring to God because it is not keeping with His truth.  As Christians we are to hold each other accountable for our actions.  If there is no honesty between friends, how real is the friendship?  I have come to this conclusion with myself:

I am sick of disappointing God

I am sick of people using and manipulating me

I am sick of fearing to stand up to people

I am sick of choosing my comfort over what is right

God is making my life very uncomfortable at this point which I see will lead to a needed change.  God in his wisdom is deepening my relationship with him and burning away the chaff----the things that do not matter.  Praise Him forever! 

So a friend asked me the other day, "How much do you want to be more like Christ?  How much do you want it?"  And I ask myself the question, "Do I desire it enough to change the situations I allow, change my attitude, change my habits?"  "How much do I hate my sin?  Does it offend me as much as it offends God?"  These are the hard questions I've been asking myself lately.

I think God places certain people in my life to help me understand that I always have a choice.  I can choose the creation or I can choose the Creator.  Lately I have not been too happy with my choices.  I have a long road ahead of me, but I can see God working even now to mold me into His image.