percentages's Xanga

(un)conditional

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 06:47:07 GMT

i think i may give myspace a break. nah.
anyway, i have been thinking much of gods love.
im a pretty crappy dude when i look at what i have done in the past, how inconsistent i have been, and how i have left a trail of bad decisions, immaturity and insecurity. i constantly give into the flesh and put what i know of christ and his unfailing love on the shelf, to a time where it seems more convenient. i suck at finances, relationships, and at times can be pretty lazy. i overcommit myself and end up giving up under the pressure to get things done all at once. i am an opportunist and at times causes me to shun commitment because something better might be around the corner. i am a horrible organizer and that causes me to lose important stuff.
with all that said, i look at myself and wonder if i could just straighten one thing on that list out, i might know gods love. if i could just get things right, maybe god might reveal that peace of his love, and i might for once get it. i feel like (sometimes) that i have to have the stars line up for God to love me. this is not truth.
god loves me. unconditionally.
as i write that word, unconditionally, tears stream down my face because for the first time in ten years as a christian, i am beginning to understand what it means. that list above means nothing to God. he really loves me no matter what i do, or what i say, or how i act. i want to express more of how i feel about this, but its really a basic thing, and to keep explaining it would mean i would have to keep typing the same thing over and over. i havent read any books lately that made me think of this, only thoughts of my life and where i am going and who i am. i truly believe that God is shining his light on this area of my life and exposing lies that i have believed. this hurts. but i like it. i am developing, like a child, and it makes me want to grab this new world and pursue it. i am realizing that there is much more to this, and i dont want to miss it.
he is love.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Mon, 29 May 2006 15:55:35 GMT

sorry, but myspace just won out!

lots has happened as it has been since february that i last posted. much inspiration, much decisioning (good and bad), much learning, and mainly... much growth.

my heart for people, love and truth grows more everyday and im learning to manage it one day at a time. ive found that to live too far in the future brings out this sense of confusion and i end up being nothing that i really wanted to and have gone no where i really wanted to.

God gives us a sound mind. pray against satan.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 20:27:58 GMT

just a dirty train.

get to work.

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 23:00:08 GMT

ok, so i have been taking alot of flack for not posting. so i am now posting.
post.
anyway. i dont have much to write of. i am continually pushed by god to be his hands and feet. i like this. ill be honest, i dont know exactly what this means, but ill do it. when i sit and think about being hands and feet i think of going and doing. i work with my hands all day. im a carpenter and i make beautiful things out of long sticks of wood and blank walls. i am constantly on my feet. i have to walk across the house to use my hands to install the piece of moulding i have just cut to the right size for the fit i need. ACTION. going and doing requires action. where does action come from? MOTIVATION. what is compelling me to make the right cut and walk across the house and install the piece? what is it that would prompt me to move to uganda to teach displaced children simple english and math. why would i want to go to honduras and work with two people i barely know and with kids that have a disease that scares me to death in a country with a language i cant understand. what is my motivation for not having a cigarette at work when i really want one, or not saying something i shouldnt in front of someone who might not know me so well and think of me as a hypocrite. what is my motivation? CHRIST. he gave up his life for mine. That is love. "greater love has no one than this that a man lay down his life for his friends." And we are even greater than friends. this love is not just for me, but for the whole world.
My whole point is that we need to put action to the motivation of the holy spirit in us.... being the hands and feet cannot be easy. its against everything in us. have we forgotten that lost art of suffering. did paul not say he had to beat his body into subjection. if its tough, does that mean its not Gods will, tell that to a missionary whos about to lose his head for going and doing. tell that to the business professional who turned down a bribe for thousands just so he or she could honor christ. the hands and feet get things done at all cost. the hands and feet move and pursue. the hands and feet serve. the hands and feet love. the hands and feet look past themselves. the hands and feet look past the temporal and to eternity. the hands and feet look for truth and act on it. the hands and feet trust. the hands and feet live above reproach so there will be no question. the hands and feet are the motivated that will do whatever it takes to fulfill that motivation.
just a thought.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 14:06:33 GMT

hello friends. i dont have the internet anymore, so posts are few and far between.

i am listening to the current cd in my wagoneer because it is stuck in my cd player.

i hope everyone is well. stay in prayer as God works on you, and dont lose sight of the true prize in the midst of your struggles... thats what im learning.

you probably want to own this album.

j and sons

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 22:19:49 GMT

i rekindled my love affair with the band elliot. i took a small road trip all by my lonesome to see my nana. i had the privelege of hanging out with some really cool friends from college, and i shopped with two really cool girls today. now i am at my parents house eating homemade chicken noodle soup. and its only saturday.

god has shown favor on me in only the smallest ways, but for some strange reason, it has been highly conscious to me. so has my imperfection. maybe its a trade off, or maybe its because i have been praying for more sensitivity to the spirit and just an overwhelming desire to follow him at all cost. God is calling in the still small voice he has always used.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 13:34:37 GMT

thanks chad for making me look cool.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 22:15:04 GMT

i am about to watch hotel rwanda. i think i can talk my dad into it.
Im moving to kennesaw tomorrow.

i dont really have anything to write about. my heart is stirred for those without. its always been stirred that way, i just coat it with junk. actually, walking in atlanta last night, i asked God to send me someone who needs help, and today, my friend stephen introduced me to a girl who was more confused than anyone i have ever seen and i could tell that years of drugs have entrapped her, and she is bound, but wants out. i helped her move her stuff today just before she was to be evicted, and i think her and stephen are going to join me at church tomorrow. they dont look like me or hang out in the places i do, and im glad. they are on drugs and hurting, but i pray i can be half the representation of the man Christ was.

pray for stephen and robin.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 02:23:52 GMT

i dont know much about the holy spirit. i was reading in acts tonight about pentecost and such, and the thought hit me "i know what ive been told, but i havent really studied it."
i really want to know what you guys think.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 03:36:47 GMT

my friend maria brings a good question: what makes you come alive?

there is a quote in the back of wild at heart that says (sorry if this is not completely accurate) "dont figure out what the world needs and go do that, figure out what makes you come alive and go do that because what this world needs is people who are alive." I dont know whose quote that was, but that individual was brilliant.