Currently Listening By the Way By Red Hot Chili Peppers venice queen see related

ive seen so many people. ive encountered so many many people in these past 23 years, all giving me something that i can fall in love with. it's one of my many tragic flaws, the ability to be compassionate and empathize-essentially being able to be a chameleon. I can flow with anyone, but sometimes they're not flowing with me. each person gives something different, so it's not a level playing field. i don't know what i want, but i know what they want; it's a difficult position to be in. i ran away from relationships, from people because i just didn't want to deal with them, with me. it's corny, i swear it is, but i really didn't want to deal. i was afraid of dealing. so im in this place, and the people come and go, some stay. but one thing remains within me, and continues to grow louder and louder. people are difficult. i'm difficult. a relationship with another person is near impossible--it's an upward climb up a huge cliff. but the steep rock was expected to be climbed. it's just that...i've never encountered something in this world that is so incredibly against the grain, so easy to fathom, the end's image is there for a reason, culture embedding or not, but it's just so not easy? i don't know how else to eloquently rephrase that. that's exactly what it is. it's a "not-easy." like petting a cat from tail to head with an old comb, evangelizing at a national homosexual convention, writing a short story in a different language. the difficulty is minute-to-minute. i'm aware, i'm cognizant, i know what i'm doing. right person or not, it's difficult because the end is never promised. it must be and cannot be anything else, a very present and moment-to-moment thing.

i wasn't even spurned to write. just wanted to let my fanbase know my state-to-thoughts. lets see who it is...lani, dongjoo (whattup, nigga), jisu, occassionally joann. haha, i did a shoutout on xanga. "i just wanna give a hip hop horray to big L, rest in peace, my sneazy fo' sheazy djoo, big j, and double j."

i have too much time on my hands.

what i'm about. a simple life in top hat and wood, and a passion for the human condition.

Currently Listening Echoes Silence Patience & Grace By Foo Fighters stranger things have happened see related

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you know what i cant figure out? i 'hear' about all these people, fighting, fighting for things, whatever they may be, and they do it...forever. 30, 40, 50 years-forever. and i've fought, but im so tired. and how can they keep on fighting?

perhaps...it's because they fight for something that's bigger than themselves. an issue, a person, people.

i've done that. i've fought for many things, but i'm 23. and im not exausted, but im tired. maybe strength is something that i'll never have...maybe the strength needed for these things outside of me, of you, of it, any type of 'issue' that is beyond a person is exactly the type of strength needed.

maybe the fight needed for these greater issues requires a drive that is stronger than me. i'd hate to live life exhausted and waiting. when i go, i want to be mumbling "not yet," and not "right now."

to fight the good fight. to give perfection, and understanding what perfection really is--requires something that is so much bigger than me.  it's as if, 'it' fights on it's own, and i've been lucky enough to be dragged in and fight alongside with 'it.'

maybe that's why im so tired. maybe that's why i fall so short. and that's why, probably, haha, this struggle is so beautiful.

so we fight. i hope the battles are glorious.

they probably won't all be.

but i can't wait for the ones that are.

Transsexuals are still social outcasts, the victims of physical abuse and verbal harassment by the public, police and religious authorities, who advocate counseling and the use of hormone injections to suppress transsexuals' inclinations.

"We very much encourage them to return to their original form," said Abdullah Md Zin, a minister for religious affairs. "We cannot accept them."

love makes the world go round, with or without it.

if you are interested, http://www.reuters.com/article/inDepthNews/idUSKLR29014720070903?feedType=RSS&feedName=inDepthNews&rpc=22&sp=true

i started school again. :( but i really like it, so :) + :( = :O

i am an honest man that must lie to be accepted as honest.

if im hungry, i say i'm full,

if im exhausted, i lift my pack higher,

push harder, breathe less.

it's not that i dislike having to change,

it's the fact that i'll never be the same.

and everyone knows, when you've changed, the dead skin of naivete sheds, and

the bone shows through.