I'm finally eating normally without undereating, overeating, and a lot of times not even counting calories. All it took was three weeks...but I'm still not completely free of anorexia. I feel guilty while eating, I feel guilty after eating. But I'm starting to appreciate my body more. I look at my friends, and I'm skinnier than them. They're a normal size. And they eat what they want to eat. They're a real inspiration to me...and without them, I wouldn't have been able to do it.

I'm pretty sure I'm done updating this xanga. I don't need it anymore. I'm done, almost completely free from anorexia's grips on my mind. I really hope there are other girls out there who find the strength to recover. By giving into anorexia, well, that shows just how little self control you have, so don't say that not eating makes you feel in control of your body. Because you're not. Anorexia is. You need to show them that you're the boss, and that you can beat them. You are beautiful, and hopefully you can realize that soon. There's so much more to life than food...and when that's all you're thinking about, you forget about everything else. Friends, family, FUN. It's all gone. Just take a moment to think to yourself why you're doing this, why you're playing this game with yourself. You're obviously never going to be happy with your weight, no matter how much you lose. So stop before you get in too deep. You'll be a happier person, trust me. I am.

Take care. Good luck. Stay safe <3

Sorry I haven't been updating. Recovery is going well. It's officially been 2 weeks of eating normally (well, maybe not completely normal, but not starving myself). I've figured out that I'm not still losing weight, but not gaining any either. It's just staying where it is. Which is fine with me right now. I'm sooo scared of gaining.

Although the eating is going well, I can't go a day without getting depressed about my weight. I wish I could just be like a normal person and eat without worrying about how I look. My friends keep telling me I'm skinny but I just can't believe them. I JUST WANT TO BE A NORMAL PERSON!

Time. I need time.

So today's intake was 1,050 calories so far. I might have a reeeally little snack later (less than 30 cals), just since it's Friday. I'm really doing good with recovery. I'm much happier and energetic. I can actually run up the stairs without getting exhausted or blacking out. And the amazing thing is that I'm actually still losing weight. I'm technically still on a diet. I can't bring myself to eat as much as I used to before my eating disorder, plus I'm still not completely satisfied with my body. I wanted to lose weight in a healthy way, and that's what I'm doing. I'm losing about a pound a week now, instead of about 4 or 5 pounds a week.

Anyway, it's almost been a full week of recovery. Tomorrow it will have been a week. I want to reward myself with a trip to the mall or something...but idk with those high gas prices. =/ Maybe some other time.

Here's some MK (no new ones today):

I love those pictures of her.

Sorry I haven't been updating or commenting. School makes me reeeeally busy. My recovery is going well, though. I've been eating according to my meal plan...I still have a problem with obsessing over calories though. I just count over and over in my head how many calories I've had. I can't help it! It's like my brain automatically wants to do it. I've been eating around 950 calories a day. My weight is still as 89. I think I want to stay at 89. It's not unhealthy and I'm happy with it. It's stayed at 89 ever since I started recovering, so I think if I keep eating at the same rate, it will either just stay there or drop more (it's probably still dropping, just slowly, because I know my body burns over 1,000 calories a day.).

Anyway, here's MKA at MuchMusic. Lucky Canadians!! Who got to go?

I love that last picture. =)

PS: I've decided to not even bother making this protected.

So, after thinking these past few days, I've made up my mind that I really want to recover this time. I've already made a meal plan for this week that I hope to follow, it's around 800-900 calories each day. And it has every meal...breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and dinner. Yesterday I skipped one of the snacks and didn't finish lunch, so I know this is going to be hard. But I believe that I can do it if I truly want to. When I get home I'm going to make this journal protected. Most likely, if I'm subscribed to you, you'll be added. Other than that, please don't ask. I'll add you if I want to. I can only fit 10 people (I don't have premium), so I intend to make them people that I know will support me. =)

See you later. Here's some MK (new):