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pinchmetowaking
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Name: Lindsay
Interests: reading, writing and anything but arithmetic. the beach. surfing. music. shopping. running. goofing around. meeting new people. long drives. pilates. 80s movies. concerts under the stars (or in the fourth row). pictures. long, satisfying conversations with lasting impressions. running into old faces.
Expertise: falling asleep in cars. name-that-tune. bruising.
Occupation: non-profit
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/7/2006
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| hello old friend.
here you are again. setting in. clockwork.
i wish i could say i enjoy your visits.
i don't.
you filter through amidst the push-push-push of the day.
always pushing, always moving, forward-forward-forward.
work-work-work.
looking forward, forgetting to turn my head,
enjoy what's all around.
you stab your way through the push-push-push.
turning, tumbling, spinning
my thoughts.
pregnant head contracting shades of gray,
birthing fears, doubts, uncertainties.
hello old friend.
i wish i could say i enjoy your visits.
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| lust.
this past weekend, i've added another year to my age. during school, a friend - somewhat panicky - asked me if i was feeling as though this age would cause me to feel too old (she and i were both approaching the same age) and if there was anything special i felt i should be doing in light of it.
i told her that the only thing i could think to do was to go south, cross the border, and party a tad.
she liked that. if she wasn't on the other side of the country, we would be doing that right now.
one of the (many) perks of the weekend was a gift: these
i lusted for so long - too long. had i jumped on purchasing them after first trying them on, i'd have saved my mother four separate trips to different aldo stores around the city. however, it makes them that much sweeter.
--
wednesday, i went out with a couple friends to see 'sex and the city' for a second time. never have i lusted so frequently or openly over so many non-male parts of a film. shoes, clothes, sarah jessica parker's hair.
i was starting to feel hot. very hot.
--
books tend to get me a little hot. a trip to chapters or a saunter through a book section in a store tend to get me feeling a little warm. hot and bothered, there's nothing like a tantalizing topic or the fresh creases made in a new book that make me wanna... moan (?) a little.
hah.
'sex, drugs and cocoa puffs' got me going every time i passed it in urban outfitters and, finally, i caved. so worth it.
--
most people are resistant, but i feel it necessary that one would see 'atonement'. also, read the book. it's the best adaptation i've ever seen. also, the book helps it to fit.
duffy and n.e.r.d are on repeat.
--
on another note, it's a tad ridiculous this 'new kids on the block' reunion. i'm watching the mmva's and - to be honest - there's nothing more sad (and a little pathetic) than near to middle aged men grasping at the coat tails of the success they managed OVER FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.
i first made this discovering following one of my morning runs. i stretch to the soundtrack of whatever music videos are playing on tv. and their latest music video?
i laughed through it. they looked like dads making their way through their daughter's beach party when her friends thought it entertaining to grind up on their friend's dad. so they do. and he, lost in the moment, got a little caught up in their lolita-esque moment and (frankly) gets off on it (figuratively, not literally). very pervy, if you ask me.
also, simple plan were voted the best canadian group. that fact alone only goes to show how pathetic muchmusic really is. [give me back my mtv!]
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| Ummph.Having a fair amount of time in a day (particularly at work), I find my mind racing with thoughts, ideas that slowly meld themselves together into different stories. Naturally, these thoughts progress together, structuring themselves to be told, to be shared. They fit themselves into stories to be written in a medium through which they can be viewed. Had I some other medium, I would use it - but, for now, they remain stories for my blog.
There's a twisted sort of irony about being in a relationship. Sure, it's beautiful and perfect and everything that fairy tales are made of but there's another part of it. The 'real life' part. The sections that film cut off before or seem to hiccup over, smoothing any rifts between the two lovers with a minute or two of an angst-y soundtrack, sorrowful (yet picturesque) snippets of the lonesome partners that is quickly replaced by a celebrated, drawn-out 'coming together' portion where the lovers reunite, right their wrongs and live happily ever after.
What crap.
Don't get me wrong. I love the idea of the fairy tale, but I love real life a little more. I'm coming around to enjoy more of the grit, the work. Relationships take work. I knew it all along but have yet to really understand and experience it up until this point. Granted, I'm coming off an interesting last few days. Interesting loosely translated to a new relational experience, a lifting funk and coming out stronger.
In getting to know someone else on a deeper level, one is confronted with more opportunities to look in the mirror - some optional, some you cannot avoid. Through reflection, I have been confronted with the mirror. My head can't turn, my eyes can't close and what I see - what I saw come through those days - I did not like. I did. NOT. like.
And it bothered me. It bothers me. Right down to my core. My actions and reactions counteracting every which way I hoped I would act. Ashamed, upset, I put my apologies into writing and sent them away (...after all, I have very clearly come to learn that my best allies in clearly communicating are a paper and pen or, for convenience purposes, this very laptop - it was even remarked to me that which I already knew).
The incident no longer bothers me, forgiveness granted and it all forgotten. I am looking to move forward and feel stuck. A funk settled. The reality of me - that inside - is in my face. And I, with a penchant for dealing with obstacles before moving ahead, am left with this funk. Uncertain. Perhaps even unwilling to really deal with it yet but content to let it settle. Am here. Stuck.
Resolution may come in some way. I know how it will end: I will change. But the gap between here - my present state - and there - where I'd like to be - are just a little overwhelming. Add a little shame and, well...
you've got me. Right here. Just as I am.
[...P.S. The present song is just a little more than fitting.] | | |
|  | Currently Watching
Hot Rod
By Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, Bill Hader, Danny R. McBride, Isla Fisher
see related |
the calm following the storm.friday night, i found myself at h&m and ikea wandering through aisles and spending some quality time with my mom. an evening phone call turned my weekend all around.
one phone call later, i opened my front to see him standing there. he drove three hours on a whim. just to see me.
just to see me.
the door opened. he was standing there. i was here on the step. stunned, i tried to say something - anything. my thoughts jumbled, my words a mess, i just stopped and stood there. looking at him. here. with me. right now. the most amazing surprise.
my weekend was full of sushi in the park and lounging in the sun, shopping trips, errands, a little yoga and a walk.
it was. so. perfect.
he left last night. and now, i miss him.
and however exhausted i am right now, i wouldn't have traded that weekend for the world.
thanks.
love.
and now, my date for the evening is my brother as we watch a ridiculous movie.
so great. | | |
| best part of my day.this morning, i walked to work. not the entire way. just a little portion. i start later than the rest of my family and, so, i drop the behemoth truck off for my mother to get herself home a little earlier than i do.
this morning, i stopped at starbucks. one venti green tea later, i found my bright yellow flats leading me toward my little cubicle. it's a fun little walk. my mind races, thoughts passing. i love those little moments.
this morning, i got the chance to talk to him on the phone. before dropping the truck off, that is. four months strong, setting my record. i love him.
this morning, my yellow flats, black patent belt around my waist, urban outfitters dress and starbucks cup transformed me from a walking through an industrial part of the city to my summer job to an urban city dweller, walking from my flat to my ferocious office job. i loved it. i will be there.
this morning, i decided that when i get married, i will think of other people. if i have a lot of showers planned for me, i will not invite the same people to each. in the next few weeks, i have to be at quite a few showers. i will go for some for one soon to be married friend. for the other, i am less quick to accept.
this morning, i daydreamed a little more about what my life could look like: one, two, three, four years in advance. with the advent of finishing school, i see myself over seas. making big plans. loving it.
this morning, i counted my blessings. my conclusions. i am very blessed.
the best part of my day?
this morning.
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