wow, I didn't realize it has been so long since I have written in here!  Sorry to the small handful of people who enjoy reading about my life. lol.  As of lately life is good. lol. I've come to realize that the discourageing times in my life can be an opportunity for me to recognize what i need to be doing differently in order to improve my circumstances. I believe that no matter what the circumstances, you always have a choice about how you are going to react. Some may argue that typical emotions may arise during these times, and although that will inevitably happen due to our humanity, there is so much more sufficient grace and mercy that lies within complete reliance on God.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." ~ James 1:12

I've been searchin', wonderin', thinkin'
Lost and lookin' all my life
I've been wounded, jaded, loved and hated
I've wrestled wrong and right...

I've been readin', writin', prayin', fightin'
I guess I would be still
Yeah, that was until
I knew God's will

*Just thinking of God's amazing love and grace brings a tear to the eye...*

  Classes are going very well, I have a great deal of work and I am still spening a lot of my time at my placement (Which btw is an incredible experience) I really feel like I am getting a greater appreciation and understanding of the social work major. I am more convinced that this is where I want to be...

lol, I got this new icon for my s/n..  The spaz girl is back Bec...

So I got a new one for you! Scott Phillips~ (No worries, i am still with my current amazing boyfriend, Jason ) This guys is a new singer that Jenn got me exposed to: Love it!!!

Smith B201 '05/'06

Howie Day, Shippensburg University, April 19th

Speaking of the boy...(Yeah this is a public one) What an incredible blessing...there is so much I could say and yet none of it would be sufficient.  Everything has been worth it... 
 Just because...

~There was only you and me, that was the day the world disappeared.. I recieved the gift of  you nothing short of a miracle. And to surrender my heart was not as hard as I had feared, I fell in love with all you are the day the world disappeared. and it is burned into my memory when everything became so clear, and forever won't be long enough for me to hold you here...Cause everytime I look at you the world still disappears..~

So my goal is to keep this thing updated, yeah... hopefully

Currently Playing Australia By Howie Day see related

- She Says

Hello my xanga, it's been a long time since we chatted. There is much to catch up on. I had a lovely christmas break, definitely not long enough. good times with amazing people. Now i am back here in old Grantham pursuing my edumication....

*New York City* ~ Making memories, setting records...Empire State Building

Virgen Tea queens

so to be honest i hope the match gets cancelled tomorrow, i could use a day off to rest up, been feeling a little sick recently. Of course i have some wonderful people in my life who have been very nurtureing to me: Sarah B, Nicole S, Diane P., and of course J. You guys are the best, really know how to make someone know that they are cared for.

Off to wrestling match ...

Currently Playing Live in Buffalo: July 4th 2004 (CD & DVD) By Goo Goo Dolls see related

- Iris

Yeah so i haven't written in here for a while. Life's been crazy with school and finals. But the semester is finally over!! No more finals! No more Theology or Human Biology ever again!!! Now i get to relax  and spend time with the people i love... Can't wait to see you babe... The dreams i've had these past couple of weeks of blissful christmas times has kept me going. And now i can live out those dreams. ooo i can't wait for christmas!!

~Thoughts of you and home keep me in good spirits in the mist of this carnage. ~ mmm... war letters  

New ear piercing and dressing up like little girls to go to tea with Jenn

So i am watching a clip of Goo Goo Dolls in Buffalo for the Fourth of July.  So i got 5 words "Singing Iris in the Rain!!!!!!!" OH man i love those guys.

*Take heart, my love. Remember me in your prayers. We will meet
again. If not in this life, perhaps the next.*

Merry Christmas!!!!

Currently Playing Take It All Away By Ryan Cabrera see related

- True

I can't do this anymore. I desire so much to be a  genuine, transparent woman of God, and yet there is something i have been holding back on in these entries. God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams. Everything i have been dreaming about and beyond is coming true. Last summer i had a conversation with a good friend of mine about my philosophy on dating. I made the comment that i was going  to wait until a particular year in my life before i even look for someone to be with. With a humble but  firm grace my friend said these words: " You are completely putting God in a box by telling him that this is when you are going to be open to his will. Who are you to say that God doesn't have something better planned for you? By giving him a time limit you are limiting God's blessings for you. You need to let that go." So at first i was taken back with that response, but the more i thought about it i realized that sometimes the boundaries you set for your plans are not God's boundaries. I thought i would honor God with my celibacy. I left that conversation with a new perspective on my dreams, my  life and the things i was holding onto. Shortly there after i decided to completely lay it all down. Opening the door to God's blessings. And something amazing happened. When you lay all your pride, your dreams, you plans at God's feet that is when he preforms his greatest miracles and showers incredible blessings upon those who call on him. Abandoning yourself and running into the arms of the all-powerful creator of this world gives an enormous amount of peace as you future continues to play out. Not long after that, Jason walked into my life. From the very beginning i have felt God's hand on this relationship as we both look to him to sustain it and us. I have grown so much in these past couple of months. And the most amazing thing is that i didn't think that i would be ready for a relationship so soon, especially after the previous year...

The reality is that it is not our decision  to make about whether we are ready for particular forks in our lives. We should not hold back on coming to God  because we think we are not ready. That is the problem with humanity, we believe that we know what we want and what is best for us. God knows us more intimately than any other person on this planet. Not only does he know our desires, but he knows what is best for us.  When we come to him with what we got, good and bad, that is when he meets us. God saw my feeble heart, and broken spirit when i came to him, and not only did he lift me up but he placed an incredible man of God in my life to encourage me and spur me on to growing deeper in my relationship with God. Isn't amazing that God knows the very things we humans need to create an overwhelming desire in our hearts to search him out?

Now as i continue to walk in blind faith along this road God has placed in front of me, i do not fear. I have peace that no matter where this road leads me that it is right where God wants me to be.

²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ~James 1:2-4

Currently Playing Whaler By Sophie B. Hawkins see related

- As I Lay Me Down to Sleep

I just wish that i could break away and escape from the world and all responsibilities to just hear myeslf think. So much stuff to do, not enough time. Why does this life have to be weighed down by insignificant details that have nothing to do with the eternity we all long for beyond this life? I try to make love my biggest priority, and yet i manage to get caught up into the mundane and daily chores of this life that i even sometimes loose sight of the beauty of life. The only way i remember is by the things i see, hear , feel, and touch.

the changing autumn leaves... the blue sky accented with fluffy white clouds.... the infinite black oblivian above that shimmers with the perfect placement of the stars...the soft peaceful drops of rain that fall from the sky and wash away the dirt of this world... looking deep into the eyes of the one i love and seeing a love more amazing than i could ever dream... feeling all my fears releasing and gliding away on the passing wind...hearing the voices of fellow believers singing their hearts out in pure abandonment to the God that has shown his grace to them by the love he has given ... feeling the hand of the Magnificent creator lead my every step in this maze we call life, no matter what anyone says...

This is my sanity, my peace, my hope, my love.

~The simplicity of life is the very thing that makes it complex.~

I wonder why I feel so high
Though I am not above the sorrow                        
Heavy hearted
Till you call my name
And it sounds like church bells
Or the whistle of a train
On a summer evening
I'll run to meet you
Barefoot barely breathing...
It's not too near for me
Like a flower I need the rain
Though it's not clear to me
Every season has its change
And I will see you
When the sun comes out again

As I lay me down to sleep
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I'm far away
I'll whisper your name into the sky
And I will wake up happy