A Mistaken Identity"I know what its like to want to die... how it hurts to smile... how you hurt yourself on the outside to kill the thing on the inside" - Girl Interrupted
pixietears
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Name: Rachelle
Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Female


Interests: Music, listening and playing, dancing (everything from hip hop to ballet to ballroom), obsessing over my disgusting body, doing well in class, pretending things are perfect, Israeli Rap!! haha
Expertise: convincing my parents that everything is fine except for the small things (like a bad grade) which i can easily fix
Occupation: Student


Message: message me


Member Since: 4/14/2004

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Tuesday, August 10, 2004

hey guys... im back

ive changed a lot though... ive gained a lot of weight and i still detest my body... but im going on weight watchers on thursday... i can't keep fucking up my body nymore b.c. i learned that people luv u for ur personality this summer... i always used to think that the skinnier i was the more friends i would have the more succesful i would be...

but im president of my youthgroup and had a lot of friends during my trip, i even had guys that liked me!

i have to leave and its hurts me to leave bc i feel like im responsible to look out for all of u...

please be careful and i hope oneday ulll c that all of u guys are beautiful


Friday, June 18, 2004

Well gals/guys... this will be my last entry for at least two months... *tear* Im off to Poland and Israel to visit the graves of my family murdered by the Nazis and to celebrate in the Jewish homeland with fellow Jews and Israelis. It will be an emotional and wonderful time.

I told my mom today, that I have had an eating disorder for the past two yrs.  She kind of denies it in the beginning...well i never heard you throw up!.... but i think that she was just so mad at herself for doing this to me.  I tried to explain that it wasn't her fault....

Israel is going to either cement my strength against my obsession over what I eat or throw me back into the hell of it.  We will see...

Please ladies and gentleman! Absolutely NO dying on me while I'm gone!  Life definitely sux... Ive been to hell and back like most of you have... but know that there is always someone out there that loves u unconditionally no matter your weight.  You are all strong beautiful girls/guys and no matter what you say, ITS TRUE!

Leave me tidbits on this site that I can relish over when I come back. Ani rozeh she yesh lechem kai-yitz yafah ve briah - I want you all to have a HEALTHY and wonderful summer...

all the luv in the world, harbeh neshikot (many kisses), ve ha lev sheli (and my heart)

~Rachel


Monday, June 14, 2004

Guess I made up with my mom... she told me she luved me no matter what and then told me frank wouldn't share a room with me anymmore... its like i luv them so much and hate them at the same time... its unreal how upset i was last nite... kept thinking of all the scary movies, nyone see identity? the kid at the end... he kept coming up to me and freaking me out...


On a lighter note... math sux ass! I am studying for my final and as I am completely lost in the subject, I am totally worried about actually taking AP calculus nxt yr... i dunno if im gunno do it, i don't wanna drop it tho cuz im already dropping spanish (hebrew is mandatory at my school, so spanish was my second foreign language therefore i can drop it..)


I was binging like the world was gunna end today, i wasn't even eating normally i was eating to make me feel sick... haha my dog is acting funny... no but really im so disgusted with myself... tomorrow will be a low cal today (for me) im still figurin out my ed... but right now all i really want to lose is 10 pounds, so i can b somewhat normal and not chubby...


just something to liven up ur day...



hahahahaha!


ps when i get back from my summer trip... i may go premium! i kno u guys are so psyched lol...

 


Sunday, June 13, 2004

I know I'm posting again! so much for staying away...

I just got in a huge fight with my mom... we're moving and we are inbetween houses and staying with my grandmother... my room's a mess, stuff strewn everywhere which is like my bubby's pet peeve and my mom's cuz im studying for finals, anyways my parents sprung it on me last night that frank, my brother, was going to sleep in the same room, welll i thought for one night, then he tries to do it tonite while im trying to study! and i just flipped out...

I like slapped my mom on the arm and told her I thought she should die... then when my brother and dad came in, my bro was trying to aggravate me by like pinching me while my dad and mom weren't looking while i was arguing with him... and then i just flipped again... i was like i dont wanna fucking move! (cuz i never did) Ur ruining my studying! and then i told my brother i thought he should die...

15 minutes later after I stormed out of the room my dad told me that for the money he spending on therapy i better work out why the fuck i would say things like that...

i wish i would die...


Saturday, June 12, 2004

Currently Playing
S&M
By Metallica
see related
- The Ecstasy of Gold - -

Im posting again... b/c my last post was confusing and messy and it was pissing me off - which is funny cuz i live in a pig sty (not actually but u get the metaphor...)

food sux, i suck, and am soo worried about the trip... but i keep telling myself... have people left me when i gained weight? no... in fact when i became more involved with my appearance my friends dissapeared...

answers to your questions... I kno you all have been waiting...

Take a Knife

1) who r u? that’s a hard one… u could say so many things… but I think ill go with (almost 16!) yr old jewish chica with a huge family and a bunch of problems (just like everyone else lol)

2) whats the first thing that comes to mind when u hear cheeze whiz? Hmm south park!

3) how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsy pop? I did this once… and was almost there, forgot what I was doing and took a huge chomp… ill go with 314 licks

Sexy Saz

1)  What shampoo do you use, and what does it smell of? Hrm pantene pro-v (hydrating curls) and it smells like water and milk with a dash of vanilla hehe
2)  What is your all time favourite song and why? That’s really hard… I think im gunna have to say mi haish - it’s a Hebrew song sung by one of my counselours at camp… she has an awesome voice (don’t worry I listen to a variety of music I just particularily enjoy that one)
3)  Which, in your opinion, came first - the chicken or the egg, and why?! A philosophical one! Ooo a philospophical one! Im gunna go with the egg… cuz … it has less letters

 

 

bubblicious4164

 1* What food makes you binge everytime? Donuts - my death sentence

2* Does anyone close [like family or friends] know about you ED? A few friends… I told my mom when I first started throwing up and she went out the roof… just yelled and made me take down this collage of different models/celebrities I had in my room thinking they were a bad influence - I had spent hours on that collage

3* Whats your HW, CW, LW, and GW? My HW is my weight right now 145 L, my low weight is 120, my goal weight is 130, then 120, and then (cross ur fingers 115)

 

XtheXf_ingXmanX

1. Are you REALLY fat?  Im 5'7 and 145… to an ana that is huge to me its def. chubby…

2. Do you enjoy hop - scotch or break dancing? I can not break dance, I can do hopscotch! Though it is not my favorite pastime..

3. Jesus or not? As Im Jewish, all I can say about Jesus was I'm sure he was an awesome guy, he was a great scholar and rabbi but he's not God.

 

Well.... that was it... hella people were like im too tired to ask questions! haha i would be too so no worries! I hope everyone is doing wonderfully... and ill be back on thursday/friday to post my last entry before im gone for the summer... much luv and thanx for dealing with my inability to get skinny! and my lack of willpower...

 

 just thought this was funny...



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