Weblog

Sunday, November 11, 2007

  • "Life expands or shrinks in proportion to one's courage" - a. n.

     

    Thanks for the book and bookmark Kathy.

     

    Thank you to my family and friends that are still here helping me trying to find where my good heart was.

     

    I remember hearing and somehow knowing, that when God created us, He created us for a purpose and that He has created someone for everyone, which I fail to see.  Things negative and positive, there was a verse from the Bible about it... viewing the positive and capitalizing on those.

    "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your understanding"  and more so, trust in the Lord and do not seek emotion for the way.

     

    I really just want to let it go.  Not worry about it, the more I do, the more it hurts.

    I want to say the words, that I know something SO GOOD is down the line as long as I stay strong and continue to work and study... attend to my own life...

    If they're really there and waiting... I should say "Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you..." -r.m.

    Good song.

    Another work week ahead, I also get to study 4,000 pages worth of material for a test on Friday.  Great!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

  • Looking at a few things, looking at a year ago what I lost, but I had already lost from the beginning

     

    If I look at everything so negatively, school, work, finances, family, friends, WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY

    I'll never get out of this.  I am looking for that smile... those smiles... that keep me here.

     

    I was so close to falling apart this week, but I am still here.

    I have been attending church regularly at Watermark now with Amy; this past week her boyfriend was in town and I met him for the first time since he lives in Brazil, and I brought Brek along.  It was a good day to begin... the evening... everything... just fell apart.

     

    I have been packed down with work and other things I cannot handle right now.  I know I can't leave yet... and if I do, so many things I have to do; things I SHOULD do will remain unfinished... and God wants me to do those things; use my talents... but I can't even smile.

     

    Its 3AM and I should be sleeping... Last night I didnt get home til 430 because Brek was in the ER and his mom and Daniel were there too...  I haven't been able to sleep anything of a normal schedule.

     

    I look around at things I'd miss... my family... the nephews... the possibility that the good in me will succeed and provide an astounding foundation to build my family for myself as I wish...  Knowing that there is this great person out there for me that I feel I am missing...  To know... the pains everyone would feel.

     

    Lord, help me.

     

    CONSTANCY IN PRAYER.

    Be Joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer... -Romans 12:12

     

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

  • I guess I made it this way.

    I've lost myself, my family, my friends, and then caused the doubt in everyone.  I know people talk behind my back and thats that.  There were times I was there for people and they lost their confidence in me.  Those little who remain are those I have to prove to.  The others I have nothing much to say.

     

    That leaves just me and some lost traces of my past, either that, or starting everything over.

    I'm going to start over.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

  • The rain this afternoon into the evening, then the sun shining and the sunset... the calm after the storm...

     

    It seems like an allegory to my life.  I feel the turmoil in the storm I am in right now, looking for the faint shimmer of light.  What I've been looking for for light aren't the right things right now.

     

    I'd say so much... but right now I'm just trying to DO instead of say...  I feel so lonely in all this wishin that one I loved would help me but I am learning that I just have to breathe on my own with Him.

    This is the way... that I gotta learn to breathe.

     

    "Learning to Love"

    Love is very patient and kind,

    never jealous or envious,

    never boastful or proud,

    never haughty or selfish or rude.

    Love does not demand its own way.

    It is not irritable or touchy.

    It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.

    It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.

    If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost.

    You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.

    All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end,

    but love goes on forever.........."

    The Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Top Tags - Weblog

[no tags]