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plenprettyinpink
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Name: Pauline
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: San Francisco
Gender: Female
Interests: serving my Lord and worshipping Him, teaching preschoolers, singing, reading, shopping, hanging out, dancing, writing poems and short stories, surfing the Net
Expertise: fiction writing...media, music and performing arts...shopping:)...partying:)...romance and reminiscing:)...being a full-blooded Pinay
Occupation: Journalist
Industry: Media
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  sugaryspicyplen
Yahoo:  sunflower_plen
Member Since:
1/9/2004
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| Last year:
"Summer, to me, has come to mean having fun and being carefree,
living for the moment, enjoying every second. It connotes innocence and
youth, and even love.'
- July 21, 2007 (exactly one year ago, as I described many summers of years past.)
This year seems to be the opposite of all that.
It has been a difficult summer so far.
I cannot be carefree, because worries over my future and finances loom like a dark cloud over my days - which are always literally cloudy anyways up here in San Francisco.
It's hard to live for the moment or enjoy every second, though I try, because I'm away from home and from many of my dearest friends and family, and because I'm flat broke and have bills to pay and work to do.
It has ceased to connote youth, because I have been forced to make so many adult decisions: choosing work over fun, taking responsibility for both the past and the future, among others.
But if anything,
it is still a summer of love,
and I have you to thank for that.
<3
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| The Real Battle.I just went through the most trying, difficult post-camp week of the last few years. Not being around my main support group (family and closest friends, [with the exception of Alex and my roommate] and not even the bay kids since I was working and did not have time to go see them) made it even harder to deal with. I felt like I was being attacked from all sides, and being away from home made everything seem twice as difficult.
But it had really taught me to rely entirely on God and draw strength and comfort from Him rather than from the presence of people.
The week is over, but the battle is not.
I would like to go home, but I can no longer keep running away from the battlefield and the things I need to take care of.
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will praise Him, my Savior and my God." - Psalm 42: 5
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| One more day......until Soul Anchor 2008, which for me is more exciting than my birthday or Christmas. =) I can't believe it's almost here, after all the prayer, planning and preparation we've been doing over the past months.
It's my 5th year as a leader, and I still get giddy with anticipation of what God can and will do in the 5 days when a bunch of young people gather together at a Christian campsite with a common desire of finding more of Him. If the Bible says that God shows up when two or three are gathered in His name, imagine what He'll do when 180 young, spiritually hungry people from all over the country gather in His name! Omg!
I can barely contain my excitement, or my amazement at the fact that even as I sit here in the Bay Area, fresh from the Hydros' pre-camp session, people from Seattle, Hawaii and Houston are already in LA or on their way, and many others from here in California or Las Vegas are busy packing their bags, wondering what to wear or who to sit with during the ride to camp.
Tonight's pre-camp session itself was a little foretaste of what is to come...tears flowed, hearts were opened and many prayers were said as burdens and hidden sins were released in preparation for the week ahead.
And in a little over 24 hours....ahhh! This is bound to be the most amazing, powerful camp yet, I just know it.
See you at camp, everyone!
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| A Call To Arms.Camp is approaching, and we're all under attack.
The leaders especially.
I think some of the worst trials and temptations I ever experienced always occurred in the few weeks and days leading up to camp...
and this year is no exception.
Time to put on the armor of God.
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| Lessons in jealousy.When you care deeply about a person, it's easy to want to be selfish and desire to have that person's attention and affection all to yourself. It's such an intricate emotion, woven with weaknesses and issues regarding self-esteem, pride, past hurts and trust. Someone once said, "Jealousy isn't such a bad thing...it's nice to know someone is afraid of losing you."
To a certain degree.
I personally have a tendency to be jealous, especially when it comes to the man in my life. I wasn't always this way, but after a couple of relationships in which the guy was unfaithful or untruthful, it has become challenging to build trust in the person I love or not live in the fear that I will either be dumped, replaced or cheated on.
In the past, I've been eaten up by this big green monster. I've refused or ended friendships with girls ("third parties," as I saw them) or exes, sent hate mail, picked fights, thoroughly investigated Myspace or Facebook profiles, cried buckets of tears, spoke nasty words, and wrote long, bitter Xanga entries. Haha. As many of you know, jealousy is not exactly the most pleasant feeling in the world.
Additionally, because my past relationships rarely ended in friendship - if anything, one of the more recent ones left both me and my ex quite bitter towards one another, so much so that I actually started a Facebook group called "My Ex Is A Jerk" (hahaha...not proud of that though!) - it's hard for me to grasp the concept of really, truly, sincerely becoming good friends with one's ex. I used to believe that ex-lovers who become "friends" do so with a hidden agenda - that one or both still loves the other (and to some degree, I still believe that).
But in light of recent circumstances, I am learning to trust and accept more than ever before. I have already learned to stop judging by myspace or facebook pictures and messages, to believe that ex's can indeed become friends after the healing process is completed, to trust that I am worth loving and choosing even over ex-girlfriends and female friends. I also have the guy to thank for constantly being sensitive to my feelings and constantly and completely open and honest.
And yet there are times when it still is a struggle, because like many other women, the mere thought of having to share the affections and attention of my man with someone from his past can still drive me crazy. At times like these, the only thing that really works is my faith in God...trusting that if He really intended this man for me, then no matter what, he will be mine completely in the end, in God's time, after all is said and done...believing that He is at work behind the scenes, healing me and the guy, slowly weeding out insecurities and past hurts, preparing us for a possible future together.
And here's what's interesting: this upcoming summer youth camp, I will be facing and interacting with three girls I've been jealous of in the past (one of them in just the past weeks, actually) and will be responsible for ministering to them spiritually. I am being given the opportunity to get to know them, pray for them, become their friend and even an accountability partner. I'm not worried about it at all...in fact, I'm grateful that God's giving me a chance to do this and discover that no matter how badly I was hurt by past relationships, I am now truly healed...and can face and even serve the people who were once part of the pain. I'm ready for this challenge, and welcome it with an open heart.
I'm glad that the God of love has taken the unpleasant things of the past and turned it into a challenge to make a difference in the lives of three women who desire so much to see more of Him.
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