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| Freedom from the Clouds!I am so utterly frustrated right now. So pls. don't read this if you are not interested in ranting.. but I need to vent.
I am very happy that I have spent this week back from Maine, working my ass off trying to get this film off the ground before I leave for North Carolina. But for some reason, people think because I don't talk to them for like a day or two.. that it is a personal attack.. and then act all pissed and leave stupid away messages like a child to "offend" me. Well, the thing is, it doesn't just offend me, it just made me want to delete them from everything... haha! I have no time for people who want to plant negativity in the midst of all my happiness... I don't want to be reminded of negativity in the midst of my hardwork during this week and after the most kick ass weekend in MAINE I ever had! I had a blast being away from life and everything... and reminded me of my love of travel again! I mean I never forgot it, but when I go on vacation, I truly am reminded as my soul is screaming out loud and shining through the clouds! Anyway, when this person is ready to stop this insanity that I don't need at this time.. then I shall go on! But prior to my crazy three week absence, my Boston shoot, and my move to LA... I don't need it... Thank you very much! FREEDOM I CALL FROM THE CLOUDS and NEGATIVITY... a breath of fresh air!
Another thing I am pissed about.. I wanted to work tomorrow on a commercial, and they didn't call me and let me know that I am not working. But whatever, more time to work on the project before Friday! I can't wait to get out of here... I can't wait to go to warm LA! I can't wait!!!!!
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| Today was the big audition for NBC. Now get this, I got the 5 pages of sides last week and so I had been working my ass trying to memorize and really characterize this thing. I get there, and I look at the sides (Umm, they are COMPLETELY different, new scenes, lines are flip flopped all over the place)... sooo I go over it as many times as I can.. and I just winged it... The other 3 girls in the room, were all flipping out and refused to go first, so I managed to gather up the strength to sign in first. It went well, I think. I made the CD laugh at one point. She put her hands to her face, and she just started laughing. (Hopefully she wasn't laughing AT me, but I don't thinks he was). She told me I did really good and that I was very cute (as the role actually called for "cute"-so I guess that's good). I don't know if I am necessarily what they are looking for, but who knows. It's all so weird- you spend so much time preparing for this one audition, you get in there, you read it for 5 minutes, hope to impress, and then boom.... it's like it never happened. You go back to living again, trying not to think about the freakin' sides anymore. And you don't know whether or not you did good, you were ever right for the part, or if you totally went the wrong direction with the role.... And you try to trust your instincts, but there is that one part of your brain floating back there making you question yourself. hahaha! It's nuts- all this uncertainty. And it makes you wonder like, man, why didn't you just pick a normal job with stability and no emotional attachments. I guess, that's the difference between chasing your dreams and making a living. And we hope to do both at the same time.
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| Today was a LONG but productive day. I worked at Unilever stocking grocery shelves with Jimmy's family company (Sireno Communications). It was a lot of work, but I don't mind it. I had a killer headache by the end of it though. I got through it though, by the god-send pills, Excedrin.
Tomorrow is July 4th. I love July 4th... mainly because it's a day of relaxing and watching fireworks sparkle up your familiar sky. Tomorrow, we are off to Shannon's to spend July 4th... it's wierd- I usually spend July 4th on a beach somewhere, watching fireworks being shot off in all directions down the seaside. But it should be fun.. BBQ with friends! YAY!
On Monday, I have another major audition. It's with ABC for the show "Kath and Kim." I don't get too excited for those kind of auditions anymore, as they are just another audition.. and I think it's better to think that way - because you don't want your hopes up. I am auditioning for a cool crazy "charactery" part.. it should be fun, nonetheless. I know I will do a good job.. but it takes more than a good job to book a part.. hehe ( I have learned).
This summer has been so extremely busy for me. This week alone has been one big mess. I worked overnight on Tuesday (through Wednesday). I worked today. I go to Shannon's tomorrow. I then go to Vermont till Sunday. And Monday is my audition. Meet up with my friend's for a conference in NYC after my audition. And then who knows? It's nuts... I'm nuts. This is nuts! The strike may come.. I hope it doesn't.. coz I can't afford another strike. I want to work!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Long time, no seeI guess I am writing in this journal again because of two things.
1. My sister's journal has inspired me to do so and
2. I feel very philosphical right now.. hahaha
Things are a little different now with my life. I have changed so much since the last time I have written on here. For one thing, I have moved twice since 2006. My first move was to JC and my second was to Vernon. I have accomplished a lot over this past 2 years! including truly honing my craft (i.e. acting). I can't believe how much I have done for the past two years and how far I have come. Looking back on it all, it's a bit weird to think about who I was and what I thought about everything. I never knew that in two years, I would be flying over to London to work! ( I mean seriously... wow)... I never knew that in two years, I would have friends from all over the world through acting. It's just all so wierd. And I finally, I never thought, I would see my recognizable face on the big screen (twice) alongside some major actors... Now, I wonder where I will be in a year from now (hopefully moving even further up in my career) and getting better and better at it. Who knows?
As far as family goes, it's been a crazy mess (as it always has been), but things are calming down for now. And I hope that everything will change and evolve into something beautiful and not evil (the way it has been)... as the trails in our lives often change who we are.
When I read back to my old journals, I saw how different I was - especially moving further and further into history. I thought of life so innocently back then. It is amusing to look back on it and I truly treasure my early entries dating back to the beginning of college.
And that is why I am writing this - I want to look back on it 3 years from now and laugh at what I thought on life. Because who knows where I'll be. At the moment, I am a striving actress who is working her ass off to get somewhere. I live for acting and I cannot bare to imagine myself doing anything else (but again - what will happen in 3 years, who the hell knows?).
I am still with JAMES (as I called him back then), he is now my Jimmy. And we are Engaged to get married. We got engaged last August, still no date.. but we are aiming for next year. There is no need to rush things, as I have learned in my past. We have grown so much from our new life in New Milford, NJ. And most importantly, we have grown together and now know each other better than anyone could.
So now where will life lead? I don't know. But I will try to record here for future reference.
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| ANIMAL FARMNext Show: Animal Farm! Email me if you wanna audition: info@thelastingimpresson.com
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