| | Review of "Getting Serious About Getting Married"Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness
By Debbie Maken
Crossway Books, 2006
This
book comes at a crucial point in my life. Over the past few years, I
have gradually become aware that many of my firmly entrenched beliefs
and pet philosophies have absolutely no Biblical basis. This is quite a
painful thing for my prideful self to admit, for agreeing with God has
meant that I’ve had to restructure my life in almost every area.
One
major area that I have had to rethink is life purpose. As God has
opened my eyes to see more clearly His design, I find myself becoming
distressed as I see how far the world has strayed. Speaking candidly as
a twenty-four year old woman longing to follow God’s pattern of
marriage and family, I am saddened to see the many other singles who
wait…and wait…and wait for that special someone to drop on their
doorstep. I’m horrified at the rampant immaturity of young people who
put off responsibility in favor of self-indulgent autonomy. And I have
a bone to pick with today’s stupendously protracted, ineffective
educational system.
It’s been said before that the Christian’s theme song shouldn’t be "Que Sera, Sera"
(What will be, will be). And yet many seem to embody this lackadaisical
attitude in regards to marriage. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve
encountered people who refuse to think or talk about it for fear of
discontentment or disappointment. They would rather suddenly experience
the Big Surprise: one day, poof, they’ll get married. Permit me a cynical laugh.
After
reading this book, I don’t feel any better. If anything, the situation
is worse than I’d imagined. Debbie Maken doesn’t hesitate to make some
rather bold statements about current popular teachings on singleness.
She’s not just being a reactionary. She’s careful to point out that
what she has to say is nothing new, rather, it has strong Biblical, as
well as historical, basis. On this point, of course, I must encourage
my readers simply to read the book in its entirety, and to study their
Bibles for themselves. I’m not foolish enough to miss the fact that
there are plenty of books that say exactly the opposite of what Mrs.
Maken sets forth.
The first surprising idea that Mrs. Maken
suggests is that marriage and singleness are not two equally valid
options for the Christian. In fact, she believes that marriage is God’s
normative pattern for His children, with only a few clearly defined
exceptions.
“Marriage
remains God’s revealed will (revealed in his Word, the Bible, as what
he wants), even if as a culture we have made its attainment an elusive,
secret, perpetual guessing game. Scripture states that ‘God created man
in his own image…male and female he created them’ (Genesis 1:27). This
means that the male-female union is for God’s own glory; marriage
reflects his image far better than either sex individually.” (p.22)
Second, she posits that intentionally prolonged singleness (as distinguished from celibacy—see chapter 10) is sin. “…The
belief that remaining single is legitimate and godly is a work of the
devil. Read that again: Satan dishonors marriage by fooling us into
believing that singleness is okay.” (p.43) While discussing the meaning of Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that man should be alone”, she quotes Martin Luther:
“It
is not good…[this means that] God knows what is better for you than you
yourself…. If you deem it otherwise…you neither understand nor believe
God’s word and work. See, with this statement of God one stops the
mouths of all those who criticize and censure marriage.” (p.24)
Third,
she states that a lack of male leadership in both families and churches
is a major reason that there is such confusion about what God says
about marriage and life purpose.
“
It is no longer considered cowardice not to take on responsibility.
Many men wish for a return to their collegiate days, preferring to live
in an environment requiring little responsibility, maximum autonomy,
and few, if any, expectations of family or for family. They want all
the pleasures of childhood and the pleasure of being treated like an
adult without the pain of adulthood.” (p.72)
Many
other equally explosive observations and conclusions are contained in
this small volume. But most revolutionary of all, Debbie Maken actually
suggests that the Christian’s life and thought should be based soundly
on the Bible and not on what’s currently popular, socially acceptable,
or traditionally taught. Biblical Christianity is not defined by what
makes us feel the most comfortable.
It’s much easier to point
out a problem than to present a solution. I would have liked more
elaboration from Mrs. Maken on this point. But perhaps she is wise, for
what she suggests is hard enough: a radical change in our thinking. As A. W. Tozer said, “The dearer the error, the more dangerous and the more difficult to correct, always.” (The Divine Conquest, p. 16)
It
is humanly impossible to write a book free from error or omission. In
this respect Debbie Maken is no different than any other author. I
think she has more to learn regarding the differing, yet complimentary,
design of men and women. She greatly underestimates the effect of
radical feminism on the church and fails to fully delineate the
paradoxical nature of Biblical contentment. But these are minor faults
compared to the great service she has done in issuing the call for a
return to a Biblical understanding of marriage and singleness. I am
extremely grateful.
Go here for a Q&A session with Debbie Maken. |
