It seems as though this summer is proving to be a very turbulent, dramatic roller coaster. At least, in my life, I feel this is true. I feel as though all the pieces are fitting together, while the truth is being revealed. I guess everyone is growing up and not really knowing how to deal with that.

At this point, I feel as though I know now who my true friends are. In my opinion, yes, you can have 7 times 77 discrepancies with a friend; it is what they do to rectify the situation which tells all.

Personally, I am sick and tired of immaturity. I feel as though many of my "college friends" are actually more childish than the friends I've had since high school. I've been yearning for a connection with someone on a deeper level and searching for that "best friend," or "biffy" if you want to call it that. But the truth is, there is no BEST of anything. You have to accept people for who they are...the good...the bad...the ugly. This rings true with family, with romantic relationships. Part of being a friend is knowing that the person is going to disappoint you because they are human and you cannot expect perfection from a being who is mortal.

The connection I was seeking is something that is found differently in each person. I have a connection with Andrew that is on so many levels, is so indescribable that I can still feel so close to him while he's a thousand miles from me. I have a connection with Angela that is unique in itself.....we had a falling out period and we've been able to patch that up quickly. The openness and honesty is what I value the most and I can't even put into words how much her friendship means to me. Ash and Jen are younger than me, but I've always felt they are mature for their age and so pleasant to be around. Nikki and I aren't as close as I'd want us to be, but we've been down similar paths and ending up liking the same guys. We have a lot more in common than I realized and that's not something to be ignored. I just met Valerie, but already I feel like she's the type of person I could see myself keeping as a very good friend. Anna has her moments, but I love this girl. We appreciate each other's company. Sorry to be naming names but at this point, I feel that these are my closest friends. No one else.

And sure, there's the guys. I have three guy friends who I enjoy hanging out with very much. Maybe that's not "appropriate" but I feel so comfortable around them, like "one of the guys." The tom-boy I am, in some respects, it's nice to have conversations about Mel Brooks, which girls we think are cute, video games, and the like. With all due respect, girls are great and all....but I've always wanted to have a few guy friends who were cool. I have that now, so I feel complete haha. But, of course, Andrew is my "best"....if you want to use that cliche...guy friend and always will be. He is the one I can talk to about anything, who I just love being with. His very name makes me smile =]

Fwewf! That was a lot to get off my chest. I feel like there's a lot of confusing factors all occurring at once, but I'm a smart girl. It has taken me some time but I feel this summer will be more promising because I'll be spending it with the people I care about.

We were sitting in my dimly lit room
Me, sitting at the computer desk in a chair
You, kneeling next to me.

For once, we are equals
You are at my level.

We are watching a movie.
"The Village," I think.
Well, pretending to watch it.

I turn to you
And look into your eyes.

I'm a goner.

Those lovely hazel-green eyes
Looking at me
Looking through me

I see eternity.
I see un-matched masculine beauty.

Is that a twinkle in your eye?
I think so.

Mmm.
So beautiful, you are.

You smile.
Ah, damn you.

You move the swiveling chair so that I face you.
You take my foot
And start massaging.

Wow.
That feels excellent.

I'm so blessed.
My heart is bursting.

In that moment
Is perfection.

I feel as though the world has stopped
Time is gone
Nothing, but you and me.

We are looking at each other.
If we were having a staring contest,
It would be a draw
Because neither of us
Can blink.

I think about the first time you said "I love you."
And I juxtapose it with this moment.

This is love.

You know what is overrated? Fame. Becoming a "movie star." I mean sure, it probably gives you a nice fat juicy paycheck, but I think I'd rather not have paparozzi stalking me 24/7. But then again, that's just me.

I don't thrive on attention. I think there is more to life than just moi. Maybe we all idolize the influences in our pop culture, but in reality they are probably suffering more than we can imagine. They have to watch everything they do because we are their audience. I mean, Britney can't even go to Starbucks without us knowing it. And these young Disney channel teenie boppers like Jamie Lynn and Miley. Do we really want our children to idolize them? Overexposed and demoralized. No thank you. I truly feel sorry for both of them.

I really wouldn't want a gossip column to become my arch nemesis. I have enough to worry about. There is also the matter of looking picture perfect for the cameras and being ostracized for wearing something that isn't 100% to the public's liking. Excuse the Olsen twins for wanting to make a fashion statement. Gosh, I miss them when they were in pigtails saying things like "You got it dude!" Now, they're all grown up and therefore prone to becoming....well...not so cool anymore.

Maybe we all want our claim to fame, but only 15 minutes of it. Power corrupts, and being given all of that power by the public can make for a very sad life, I think. I mean, I'm not saying I would NEVER want to star in a movie with say....Johnny Depp or, I don't know, Josh Hartnet. I'm just saying that I like my "common" life as it is now. I like the fact that people are not spying through my window looking to snap a picture of me in my underwear (that I know of, anyway). I like being plain old me, who in actuality isn't so ordinary. I truly think it's the everyday Jack and Jane who are the stars in our society. The ones who go unnoticed as amazing people.

So, you can keep your Oscars...your limozines...swimming pools and large mansions. I have something better. =]


   

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