punkcheerleadertype69's Xanga

Monday, December 12, 2005

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 17:16:47 GMT

new xanga Bed_of_roses87

and a easy way to get to it is by my subscriptions

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 15:21:40 GMT

So yeah i am supposed to be at Brennen Blacks house with the rest of the wrestling team but instead i am at home and will be returning to the meet at 5:15ish so that i can finish the rest of the wrestling matches! or more like watch the team finish the rest of their matches! Fun fun happy time! What i really should be doing is hanging out with korey,kelly and aaron before kelly leave since we havent been double dating yet with them unless you count that halloween thing that turned out to be kind of scary! I hope that i can at least hang out with them tomorrow!

Now i think that i will put some lyrics down i will find them and put them here once i pick a song that is meaningful to my life right now and below type a explianation!

"Crazy"

I climb the walls of my mind just like I'm climbing on a jungle gym
I am more than content with the
state of mind I am in
'cause I am crazy just like you
I am crazy just like you.

I don't think I need a rubber room,
but hey, that might be nice
I'm not a manic depressive paranoid or schizophrenic
so I don't need your advice.
I am crazy just like you
I am crazy just like you.

The lights are on but nobody's home
my elevator doesn't go to the top
I'm not playing with a full deck
I've lost my marbles
The lights are on but nobody's home
my elevator doesn't go to the top
I'm not playing with a full deck
I've lost my marbles.

I'm a few bricks short of a load,
but a full load always hurt my back.
I flew over the cuckoo's nest and
I'm never ever coming back because
I am crazy just like you
I am crazy just like you.
I am crazy.

I looked at so many songs some nasty, sweet, or stupid but i found this one and was like!!!!"cat in the fish bowl(meow) somebody ate it (how how)"! Oh yeah baby thats right I am super crazy but so is everyone that i spend time with(even you steph)! so it is cool to be crazy with the ppl that i hang around! Even though i may sometimes be annoying to certian ppl like(coughs) Korey!!!! I am still semi calm! More so than say kelly!(love you girl but you got that title when you kissed me, bit me, and sucked my horn!) so yeah see its the COOL thing to do now days so yeah suck someones horn or something like that and be titled crazy by those that you love....like me!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 11:13:11 GMT

MAn i am seriously glad that we didnt have school today for several reason! 1) I satyed up way to late talking to korey making my body unmovable this morning 2) I just realized that i still had some homework let over from kurtz that i hadnt touched and i dont have a study hall before his class! 3) I love the snow and I would hate to be at school with all this lovely mess around me!

On the other hand I had a pretty good day yesterday with meg and talking to korey! Meg came over and we watched "constantine" which was the second time i had seen it! Great movie and meg jumped alot about the blood etc which made it even better! The only bad thing that happened when i got home was that my stupid cat was and still is getting on my last nerve like last nite. he wouldnt stop meowing nor whould he get the hint that i didnt want to sleep with him, since i pushed him off the bed like 20 times last nite!

Okay well i hope that you guys are having a nice day off and that you are outside enjoying this great white stuff! well i have chores and then more than likely i will head over to moms or even maybe go sledding with meg or someone!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 18:28:30 GMT

People say that they want to know me but i guess you can say that i hate the way i am and i am deathly afraid of letting ppl see the real me and not liking it! Even to jay and meg who dont judge me(or that i dont think judge me) I am still kind of holding back! And sorry Korey but i sure as hell am not the real me when you are around because i dont know i guess i am afraid that you wont like me or find me annoying! I am so afraid of this that I hold back to the point where i just dont say what I really think! I struggle with ppl in this way because i really want certian ppl to like me and it hurts when they see me as what i really am and really hate me or find me annoying!

I AM THE FAKEST PERSON THAT YOU WILL EVER MEET!

On the other hand i am watching Americas next top model and i am so envious! I really wish now that i was more pretty and less shy! I wish that I was a model like i used to want to be but i know now that i can never be because of the fact that I am in no way model material! Oh well I hope that I dont start up with my old ways again and that i keep it cool and not get to caught up in looking like shit like i always do! I hope that I am not coming off as a dumbass but it brings back old memories!

Okay Now i must say that I have heard from several ppl that certain ppl are trying to break korey and I up that so far hasnt worked!I just hope that i can open up more and not scare him off! I hate putting on a front!

"Running"

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love

[Chorus:]
Running, running
As fast as we can
Do you think we'll make it?
(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated

Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up

Monday, December 05, 2005

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 18:06:16 GMT

Okay so I am in a sappy mood! I just watched the movie "love accually" which turned out to be a great movie! But yeah i have to say that is all i want for christmas is you and you know who the "you" is so dont act so surprised!

As most of you know I am going to Florida for two weeks with my family for christmas. And i hoped that it would be a Christmas that i could spend with korey but it turns out as a Christmas away from Ohio!

I can deal with leaving most of my family but My friends and the snow is a different story. I know that i will come back darker and hopefully happy but i will serverely miss all the times that i could be spending with my friends especially korey and meg!

So i just thought that i would mention that i will miss all of you! But since I am "with" korey I think i will miss him most of all! I wish he was here now so that i could see those brown eyes staring into mine while we joke around and beat each other up!

What more can I say except that i think that song was great that he said he though was great for us at the time! the more i think about it the more i find it true except i hope that we never give up and leave each other! Yet there are times where it seems impossible to keep it together i still want you with everything that I am! ~ I care for you korey and you know it!!!!xoxo

3. What Happened To Us - (3:59)
I thought it was too good to be true
I found somebody who understands me
someone who would help me to get through
and fill an emptiness I had inside me
but you kept inside and I just denied
some things that we should have both said
I knew it was too good to be true
cause I'm the only one who understands me

What happened to us
we used to be so perfect
now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us
and deep inside I wonder
did I loose my only

Remember they thought we were too young
to really know what it takes to make it
but we had survived off what we have done
and we could show them all that they're mistaken
but who could have known the lies that would grow
until we could see right through them
remember they knew we were too young
we still don't know what it takes to make it

What happened to us
we used to be so perfect
now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us
and deep inside I wonder
did I loose my only one

We could have made it work, we could have found a way
we should have done our best to see another day
but we kept it all inside until it was too late
and now we're both alone, the consequence we pay
for throwing it all away, for throwing it all away

What happened to us
we used to be so perfect
now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us
and deep inside I wonder
did I loose my only

What happened to us
what happened to us
what happened to us
what happened to us

~ I dedicate this to korey hoping that this never happens to us but that we do make it no matter what or who comes between us! Will i loose my only???There is just something about him!!! I dont know what but i When i find out i will be ready to die!Because that day will be the day i find the true meaning of solace!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 20:17:56 GMT

hey yall man i needed a day like today and i mean that! I found out that my two friends are back together and i got to spend a well needed day with korey! It has been pretty good man! Yesterday wasnt to bad but it was a day of deep thinking that troubled my sleep. But today was the day of days! I dont really feel like saying but just know it was great! Like a short dream and it had a little of everything!attitude...sweetness...fun... silence! It was great besides the movie that pretty much was the worst movie korey and I have ever seen together called the fog! Dumbass movie and it didnt even make sence! Oh well i have to go and work on something other than this! Have a nice day!~mandi

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 23:30:44 GMT

What should i put here? words of encouragement words of hatred, words of my worries?I have no honest clue as what to mention here! I still remain neutral and i have been holding some major grudges and even tho one is not to bad at all there still remains so many others! And yes i have my worries!!! I am worried about kelly,korey,my mother, my best friend meg, and aaron!I have no clue what else to say except that it is tearing me appart from the inside out that i am having such a hard time trusting ppl not taking sides, and getting over hatred! I know all these things are bad and yet it still strangles my dreams and my weary mind as i wake! What to do is not before me i am lost in a sea of wrong answers! Consider this a plea for help!

I know my problems seem trivial to many of yours but mine are still very hard to live day to day with! I dread each day hoping that i can redo everything that i did and said! Guessing the answer only to find out how wrong i was! Why cant i get lost in something good instead of these thoughts that spear my mind while laughing at my insecurities! when will i find the arms of mine or someone elses that can caress me while i carry my hell in a shell! Lord help us if we are not........

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 21:46:06 GMT

wow mom its amazing that ppl are alive because they always talk about death.I am an extremely pesimistic person that you will ever meet but i dont hardly ever stumble upon the subject of death. is it a bad thing to feel emotions? or in that case to not feel them? i dont know what else to write about so a song!

"Blood Red Summer"

Faint white figures paint my sleep
please don't tell my secrets keep them hidden (you got it, you got it, you got it)
if the words that matter reach your face from floor
will you be wondering if, or (do I need what is given or honest)
does it cost me scarring if the words stay true
even number your nephew (I don't want it, don't want it, don't want it anymore)

[Chorus:]
and when the answer that you want
is in the question that you state
come what may
come what may
[x2]

in a pain that buckles out your knees
could you stop this if I plead (you got it, you got it, you got it)
so destined I am to walk among the dark
a child in keeping secrets from (will they know what I've done in the after)
in the sought for matter when the words blame you
in a blood red summer I'll give you (I don't want it, don't want it, don't want it)

[Chorus]

what did I do to deserve
what did I do to deserve
this? this?
[x2]

[ad libs]
wa oh wa ooooh
wa oh oh oh woah

what did I do to deserve
what did I do to deserve
this? this?
[x3]

what did I do to deserve
what did I do

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 16:45:56 GMT

yeah i feel like I have been at school for 19 hours today i am super pooped. I have no clue why but today was sad and long! I hope that korey feels better and gets into a more happy mood and me along with him. Thanks to jay I was put in a better mood but still feel like shit and i realize that instead of saying "goodbye i hope your day gets better" I said "Goodbye i hope that you are not mad at me"!This may seen trivial but considering that i didnt think he was mad at me from the get go it made me seem more self centered...yes? I feel bad so i will correct it on here......"korey i am sorry that i huged you and saud i hope that you are not mad at me because what i meant to say was that i hope your day gets better".......It may sound stupid but i really didnt mean to say it and i dont want that one on my record esspecialily cuz i was stumbling over my words to begin with!

On a different note i went to yg last nite and it wasnt much of a change so i dont think i will continue to go i think it was just a one time thing. I had an okay time but the reason for that is because of the ppl there most are pretty cool and then some are stupid and dont really care for me so yeah but it was an okay time just not as great as it used to be! I am looking forward to the Wrestling meet this saturday along with a possibility of a concert friday nite! I dont know if i want to go since they are just planning to get kicked out of a $14 concert that only one or at the most two good bands are at! So i dont think i will end up going plus i dont really want to drive since i have been paying for gas.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 18:04:53 GMT

hey well i just got home from the portriat studio for my senior pics! it was pretty cool the guy that was taking pics was not to bad i am not sure that they will turn out to good tho i have a terrible smile! Oh well it will definatly capture the real me then! well im out even tho i have nothing else to do! maybe ill see whats on TV! yeah thats ounds good!well #2 is out!