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punkyone18
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Name: Roger
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Birthday: 12/18/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Hey guys, my name is Roger, I am gay, I live in Grand Rapids, MI, I love to Dance, I like any type of music, I do have a boyfriend who means the world to me, I like cats, I have one her name is sassy, I like to go out, love the beach, I love winter, and I like to play pool, I like to spend time with my mom, I am a mommys boi! and I love it, and my sisters are important to me!..
Expertise: I like to help people work through hard times.. and a good dancer...
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  noonebutme1218
Yahoo:  oneoftheguys18
Yahoo:  shyboi1819@yahoo.com
Member Since:
3/18/2004
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| life...So life is getting... interesting I guess.. Its so different from where i was a year ago.. last year I was dealing with sarah and justin, and Jason and me were just married, and I was working at dominos, living at my moms, friends with chase and sarah. And now all of it is gone... really it is.. I work with amber now, I live with amber now, I'm dating adam, I switched my major for school, I have different car, and I'm doing drag. Every day is a starting to feel like a struggle to get ahead. I feel like im always on the go and I still have energy but i just dont have enough time to get everything done. my apartment is almost cleared out.. then that whole situation will be done and jason is continuing to be an asshole.. he has his moments where he is nice to me, but then he's a dick.. I know everything is for the better, but everything in my life is different. All of my surroundings are different. I have one thing that is still the same and its maddie and I thank god every night for her. She really doesnt understand that I dont have the free time that jason has, and that I'm always on the go and its not just adam. I'm always doing something.. but its like fresh air when I can hang out with her.. even last week when we were moving stuff it was stressful because that wasnt what I really wanted to do with her I would have rather watched greek but its all I had time for.. Every change is for the better I know. I love my job. I know i will be happy at ambers and it will do adam and I a lot of good.. I mean I get nervous about us but I just look at it as what happens, happens.. I cant change anything.. I'm not saying I dont believe in us by any means.. but I'm saying I searched and searched and tried and tried for our relationship so I'm coasting.. I put way to much energy into our relationship from the start and its time to ease up on it.. if I could have anything I wanted right now I wouldnt be able to tell you. I'm lost when it comes to words when im speaking for myself. I really want things easy I guess.. and the saying nothing is never easy is a lie. because there are many things in life that are easy.. but I just want to know what God is testing me on.. my favorite time of the day is when my head hits that pillow because I talk to God for maybe 30 mins each night.. call me crazy but you know he is the only person who doesnt judge me on anything I'm doing. He listens to every word that I say and he doesnt say anything back, but some how he helps me figure out what I'm doing wrong. He is the only person who hears my "silent" screams.. He is the only one who can see my tears fall from behind my eyes. and he is the only person that gives me the strength everyday to say I can do it. How can you not believe in someone like that? I have my family, adam, and friends who are there for me.. but look at the fights we get into because we sit there and try to defend ourselves instead of taking in each word that their saying. I'm saying thats on my part too. everyone is stubborn some more than others.. and honestly I think that when I say something thats on my mind I give to both sides and defend both sides I admit when I'm doing something wrong, but if I feel that I'm not then why would I say that I feel im doing something wrong.. but its a matter of opinion.. and in my opinion sometimes their opinions suck.. and are pointless.. the whole giving a little and taking a little is over rated. We should respect each others needs and wants.. not point a finger.. I have no idea how this turned into this deep of a blog, but its thoughts that are running through my head.. and if you are reading this and you are getting mad.. explain why? This is my blog.. These are my feelings.. Who are you to yell at me for what I'm feeling.. I'm not blowing up in your faces telling you this. I keep it safe and under control.. I ask that you do the same if you have problem with what I write.. of course I would be happy to talk about them with you (HINT: TALK) not yell, not fight.. because thats not why I write.. FYI this isnt to anyone specific. like I said .. I;m just writing the thoughts that are racing through my head...
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| how far am I willing to goI write and I write and write some more.. nothing is helping.. I have no one I can talk to anymore.. I pushed sarah away, along with maddie. the 2 people I had in my life.. BUT I dont feel like I'm totally to blame.. Sarah started hanging out with chase that pushed us apart and maddie is now closer with jason than me.. How is this fair.. I wish someone would tell me. I cant talk to my family.. I cant talk to adam.. because he doesnt know maddie, and he doesnt like sarah. but he's only heard me say the bad things about her.. Its so hard going on everyday with all these things inside.. I miss my mom.. I miss being at home. I miss walking into my moms room to say good night,.. I know this is a part of growing up, but robert took those last years from me.. and its so hard to move on from it.. I feel like I'm always fighting for my friends and family.. and I'm fighting everyday for adam.. I'm starting to see adam and me are so different.. we have been over the whole sex thing we have been over the whole I wanna do more then just sit around the house.. we have been over everything.. and things change..but not entirely. like the other day he was at work and I emailed him and waited for a response and 30 mins goes by with nothing back, and I see he gets on aim so I emailed him again saying no response?? and he said he was really busy with work.. it pissed me off because he had time to get aim but not email me back.. I just cant accept that he needs his naps I cant accept not having sex all the time.. and like tonight I am upset with him, but then I think how can I? because we went tanning, went to meijer, he spent 130.00 on food and then we made a fire and had smores.. and Im bitching about how we dont have sex.. but you see what I dont understand why its so hard to do all of these things and still have sex.. why does everything have to be a chore? I'm just realizing that I cant expect him to change, but at the same time why should I change .. these are things I want... People are not understanding me.. because when I try to talk to them they get mad at me.. I am angry at everyone.. Im mad at sarah for hanging out with chase, I'm mad at maddie for hanging out with jason. I'm pissed at jason for lying to me all those years, and still lying. I'm mad at my mom about this whole court thing.. and I'm upset because I cant tell adam what I'm really feeling.. I really dont have anyone I can talk to.. its just me....hes sleeping right now.. and here i sit. writing this..I know i have to do something i know, but I dont know if I cant handle another heart break..
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| PISSEDSO IM FUCKING PISSED OFF!!! AND YOU ALL KNOW WHY!!!
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| feelingsTo share your feelings with someone shouldnt make them upset where they dont have anything to say to you. Yesterday I wrote an email to Adam telling him my honest feelings about everything.. and he was upset.. I will admit some of them were harsh. but its how im feeling.. and I wrote this around 1:30 then I emailed him around 2:30 and asked him if he read it and all he replyed with was yes.. so then I left work went to my apartment and around 4 I texted him saying something to the affect of are we not going to even talk about it. and he texted me back saying I told you I was having a bad day at work, and I dont have time to deal with it today. So then I told him I'm coming to grab some things and leave, and all he said was ok. Did fight for me. Didnt call me to talk about it. just ok.. Showing me he really wants me and wants to work things out. Then I go over there and start grabbing things and we start talking about.. then it ended up with me staying there and him going to the show.. we really didnt talk abou twhat were going to do.. we talked about what I wrote.. so he leaves I do somethings.. and I took one my baths and relaxed and was going to bottom for him when he got home.. he texted me twice while he was at the show. and called me when he got done.. I'm sorry after a fight like that I wanted a little more.. so then he gets home and we go to bed.. so my relaxing bath and making sure I was perfect for him was all for nothing.. So I told myself before he got home that if we didnt have sex or he didnt atleast try then I will never bottom for him.. Which is now the case where I WILL NEVER do it. I AM not wasting my time for nothing.. and I'm not going to run around and say im ready now im ready now you can fuck me... its bad enough that I'm planning that part of it and to tell him ok you can fuck me tonight. uh dont think so.. so then this morning he doesnt call, and I get to work and around 1030 I get an email from him.. and the email I've gotten none of them have said I love you.. so then I send him one saying I feel like he's still mad at me, and he's like I just have a lot on my mind about our talk last night.. so I wrote him another long email about how I was feeling... and that was about 30 mins ago and still nothing from him. When is he going to find the time to talk with me? So fuck it... I will not go to his house until he calls me or texts me.. I'm done fighting for him.. ITS HIS TURN NOW!!!! | | |
| TryingSo I'm trying.. but who knows if it will work.. I'm at a stage where I build the stage for my life.. I'm buiilding the way to my life.. and I'm not sure if I have everything I need..In a dream realthonship I want a guy who wants to spend time with me. I wish he would make me feel like im his number one, and that he understand there is a difference between looking and gawking... I mean if he looks at me like he looks at the oher guys then its fine just make sue i come first.. and when it comes to sex.. I dont need it 7 days a week.. maybe 5.. I dont want it to work. I want to be able to just have spur of the moment sex but understand niether have showered so there is certin things we cant do, but other then that I want it to be goo.. and not forced.. I knw adam has been around then just the block and its hard to deal with because we hardly have sex.. so I get jealous of guys I dont even know.. and when he talks about how he was alwys cracked out.. since we've been dating we havent had any of those kinds of nights.. I just want to go out and come home fucked up and fuck for 3 hours..and finish and be like damn that was hot.. its just hard casue I feell like I'm always bugging him about it.. and yes When I look for a relationshiop I want to be spoiled, and adam is apoling me.. a lot.. with drag.. Im all set with drag for a while.. I just want to know whats mine so if I want to change it I can.. and make them in to mine.. I mean I love all his help, but I feel like its all his.. I want to be spoiled like a bou too.. I just think he needs to ease up on the drag.. I mean I know that in one week 2 of his friends had stuff they were going to sell and we got first dibs so the stragity behind it was buy it all and sell it on ebay..
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