Patience

It's strange how things that used to be funny or irrelevant are now so menacingly irritating to me now. Certain things happen that people are supposed to notice, feel indifferent, and turn away. Except they end up being an enormous thorn on my side. I don't really understand it. The simplest sigh, a certain tone of voice, certain questions, certain ignorance and minor arrogance. I really wonder when I will snap like I did in high school and go on a criticizing rampage. For now I will try to find out exactly why it's such a pain for me. It didn't used to be.

currently awaiting: Good friends' notifications that they're heading tu UCD =)

Back to the future and back again

I still think as much as I used to, but I don't tend to have the motivation to write on here anymore. Maybe it's a lack of people who are willing to listen and discuss the subject matter. Maybe it's because I have other outlets now so I don't feel anything is bottled up. Either way, I do want to write today. If all goes well it will be my definitive entry regarding what the future holds. I don't know how this entry will go or end up. I'll just let it flow.

Since none of you were wondering, I often think about my future. I am not one to set everything in stone because I believe life becomes more unpredictable the more someone believes he can control his fate. I do not have a dream profession because I am a rapidly changing person in terms of interests. I do not have a target income, first because I do not want to limit or disappoint myself and second, I think an exact income is a meaningless goal in life. A friend once asked me before, what exactly do I want to be then? I replied, "to be someone who I can respect". A couple months later my answer remains the same.

I notice many of my peers who seemingly follow a single path in life. That is their choice, but what happens if, not uncommonly, a single obstacle or problem renders this ultimate goal impossible? Will these people wander around looking for a new purpose in life? Is that practical? I don't think so. Being ambitious is a respectable trait, but only when the expectations are realistic. I do not expect myself to be a 4.0 student every quarter. That does not mean I like gettings anything below an A, it means that I am trying to push myself to maintain a level of study that I am comfortable in, but must work to maintain. I think this principle can apply to the future as well. For example, instead of pursuing a career in environmental preservation, necessarily, I can do my part in helping the environment and spread this ethic to those around me. I am not trying to prevent myself from entering the field this way; it's just silly to make it the only goal.

The more immediate future is more interesting.Unlike matters that concern the distant future, such as a permanent career, these issues require decisions now. Since I am about half way through my college career, these decision affect the path I will take for the next two years or so. I do not dare say it goes further than that.

I know I am a little behind as far as internships go. Many people would recommend starting in freshman year. Well, I did work last year but I did not learn from it, and it was a waste of time, hence my quitting. Plus, it was dragging my GPA down and I wanted to keep that stable before heading off and finding other commitments. Now that I am nearing the half-way point, however, I feel it is time to look into one again. My major is closely related to accounting, financial analysis, etc. so naturally I am looking for some experience here over the summer. If it all works out, I will complete 16 units at UCD over the summer and perhaps complete an internship as well. That should prepare me for future endeavors with experience.

My interest in film and music has not diminished; it has been slightly repressed due to additional interests. I do hope to further my involvement in Filmmaker's Ambitions, and perhaps finally learn guitar seriously. Photography should be more prevalent and accessible once I get my new camera (thanks mom and dad!). Since I did not end up getting a camcorder over Black Friday, I think a new digicam with reasonable video resolution should do; the "Candice Video" proved that decent videos can be produced from digital cameras and Windows Movie Maker. Plus I hope FA's shooting times will clash less with my schedule in the future; I want to see a serious scene shot.

Speaking of clubs, Kevin Choi discussed the future of the Chinese Student's Association today at the Drake. I think a true leader must develop a passion for the subject in question; otherwise the leader would not care enough to break new boundaries. I think he was definitely suited for CSA last year. Back then I was wondering why the club was not more "Chinese"... why they spoke in English and such. This year, after it became more "Chinese" I realized he made the right decision while he was in power. Even now he cares so much about CSA and that is a sign that he is a true president of the club. It's not just a responsibility or obligation; he actually wants to see it improve and develop into a force to be reckoned with, which is not the path it is taking now. Rather than being an individual club it seems to have, as he said, lost its identiy. He also felt I should perhaps join the committee to see what I can contribute. I know many people doubt my ability to be "ambitious", but at the moment this offer, or rather suggestion, is very tempting. I have been told before that I have a few qualities that may make me a great leader. I try to keep these comments witha  grain of salt because, in the end, I have never been the head of anything. I do, however, give my all when I am committed. When I promise a friend I'll help them, I will make sure they get the best help there is (given that I remember I promised... haha!). Similarly, when I am in a club I would want to see it prosper. It may sound egotistic but I just now realized that this quality is what I would personally want to see in a leader. I said I will try it for a quarter. Then I remembered...

I want to minor in Chinese, so that adds an additional 4-5 units per quarter. I was talking about the summer internship, and if it works out and somehow evolves into a part-time job, I would find it desirable. I also have a girlfriend who I can only see when she has a free slot out of her busy schedule, and this is because I have such an easy schedule. What would happen when we both have so many activities? After all, I think concentrating on one or two things and giving 100% is in every way superior to giving everything 50%. I know people mock me on this point because I am a guy with too much free time, nervous about being busy. These people have a right to do so; it is not entirely untrue.

All in all, I feel like I am at another crossroad. I want to know where I am going soon; if you know me you know that I hate waiting when it comes to reaching a destination.

To be honest, I think 3/4 of American college students are not psychologically ready for college: the freedom, the concept of actual education, and most importantly, responsibility.

I'm so lazy

I just wanted to show why I hate the whole touchscreen/analog control schemes that new devices seem to be adapting. I found this post and it sums up the idea:

"Lack of manual controls on the [ipod] touch itself that, IMO, makes the design of the Touch really inconvenient. When I'm walking on campus and somebody says hi to me I can very quickly and easily find the pause button on my Zune. On the touch I'd have to take it out my pocket, unlock it, confirm to unlock it, pause, lock it again, then have my conversation. Then once the conversation is over I get to repeat those steps. Not fun. Yanking out the headphones would work to, but I'd rather not resort to that."

I want to be able to change volume, skip to the next track, and turn the mp3 player on/off without having to take it out. I already hate that my Zen doesn't have the volume deal, but having to stare at any device for ANY function whatsoever is just stupid design for users like me who want music anywhere, anytime. Same with phones and what not: i don't want to have to hit any buttons whatsoever to start dialing. I don't want to have to hit anything except for one or two buttons to find the exact number I want. Why are companies making EVERYTHING way too complicated?

So here's a short story about something that I experienced in Hong Kong.

I was somewhat fortunate to have experienced numerous rainy days during my stay in Hong Kong this past summer. Only partially lucky because while stormy weather means cooler temperatures, it also means the humidity increases. Seeing that the rain tends to be room temperature (not cold like it is in the US), I usually didn't bother to carry an umbrella around.

I went to Mongkok (the area in HK where they have to close off streets at some times of the day due to the number of people... it has become a tourist attraction) to buy a small lion dance puppet for my family. After doing so it started to rain again. I didn't care too much; even in cold rain I sometimes just tolerate it landing directly on me. I was waiting in line for the bus to return to my aunt's house in time for dinner.

All of a sudden a girl approaches me and asks "how about... we share our umbrella?" I looked at her and she was doing anything but flirting; her face revealed that she did this completely in the name of good will. I accepted and we didn't say much to each other. The bus came in two minutes and I never saw her again. At that moment the temperature and humidity did not register in my head; the goodness of heart just left me feeling very warm and appreciative.

It's small and random moments like these that make life so enjoyable.