It's 11:11. I pause and breathe, wondering if wishes come true. I decide to take a chance. Closing my eyes, I can hear the wind whistling outside my window. The temperature has dropped and I can feel the difference. My head is spinning as I consider my wish. Who I am wishing to I haven't the slightest clue. I gaze out my window into the night sky. The blinking lights of an airplane are all that I see for a few seconds as it passes. I wonder who is on that plane and where it is going. Is there someone on that plane wishing just like me? Maybe there is a father who is returning home, or perhaps a brother who is leaving. Maybe a family will be reunited tonight. Or maybe it will be torn apart. I will never know just sitting here. The plane flies through a cloud and out of sight. I sit knowing that I will probably never know who is on that plane or where it is headed. All that I will ever know is that for one moment I thought about every single person on that plane. I pray that they arrive safely. Somewhere a dog is barking. I can hear it through my window. I wonder if its bark is worse than its bite. Where does it live? Where will it sleep tonight? I'll never know the answers but still I ask.

I dare to wonder these little, unanswerable, things about the world around me. Always in retrospect or when the answer is out of reach, I ask things to myself. Who was the man we passed on the sidewalk last week? What was his name? Where was he walking to? How was his day going? He walked briskly by without so much as a glance in my direction. Why didn't we acknowledge each other? Why is it that we pass people every day and rarely even make eye contact? I want to know what's on their minds, but I would never tell what's on mine. I guess maybe that's the problem. We have become too scared of vulnerability to be open with strangers. I suppose in a way that is safe. But with the world the way it is today, the last thing we need is more emotional isolation. The last thing I need in my world and in my mind is isolation, but isolating myself seems to be the only thing I am willing to do. Too often I say, "I don't want to talk about it," or "I'm good," when really I'm just afraid of the vulnerability. We have every reason to be afraid, but we also have every reason to try and trust one another. If friends can't trust friends, then how are we supposed to reach out to strangers and lead an example as a people who trusts in God?

These thoughts bombard me as I sit patiently, thinking of what to wish for. Nothing too specific, like that the man walking down the street ended up avoiding the puddle by the stop sign, but nothing too generic either. I guess the only real request or concern that I have is that people love each other. Not just in the "Oh, yeah! I love that chick, she's cool." sense but in the deep, passionate, caring sense of the word. I wonder a lot why we don't have certain things. I wonder a lot why we do have certain things. I pray about a lot of things. I pray for answers to questions that consume my thoughts. I pray for peace in hearts all around the world. I pray for my friends and their friends and their friends' friends. I want more than anything for things to be made better in the lives of people around me. I pray for guidance - I am alive, which means that I am in the midst of something so much bigger than me that it blows my mind. I am a part of life. I am small, and the world is big. I lose my footing sometimes. But I am not alone - I have a rock and a stronghold that is larger than life itself. I can cling to Him in my weakness and find Him in everything around me. All I have to do is look for Him. Sometimes in this life there is chaos, and the easiest thing to do is go looking for peace in all of the wrong places. Searching for rest and stability in this world and finding only addiction leads you back around to where you started. I stand amidst the chaos and find myself unable to move or think until finally I have broken. In the breakdown, I find the peace I was searching for in God; in God, there is beauty unmatched - thus, there IS beauty in the breakdown.

It takes brokenness to find that you are whole. I have come to this conclusion after searching for truth. I think that now I am ready to make my wish. I pause again, and breathe deeply. The air outside smells like rain. The plane and its passengers are long gone, as is the man in the business suit I passed on the sidewalk last Monday. I'll never know his name or where he went, but tonight my thoughts are with him. And tonight, my thoughts are with you.

It's 12:01 as I make my wish. I don't care that it isn't 11:11. I think that whoever is receiving this wish won't care that it's a little late. A new day has just begun, and with it comes the chance for something great in someone's life. "Today has the potential that yesterday no longer holds." My wish tonight is the wish of a fifteen year old girl struggling to understand the world and her life. My wish is the wish of a child soon to have responsibilities that are far beyond her years. My wish is the wish of a broken heart, made in the midst of a breakdown. My wish tonight is one of many, many things on my mind.

My wish tonight is for you.



- 6 April 2008.