If you do not live in MA you probably won't find this particularly amusing:

"Together we can.......what? Make Massachusetts the best state ever? Improve education past that of Japan? Make waffles?"

~Joseph Hennigan

In criticism of Deval Patrick's campaign slogan "Together We Can"

“I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna Fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock.”
 Barbara Grizzuti
 
Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.
Harriet Van Horne

Fish, to taste right, must swim three times -- in water, in butter and in wine.
Polish Proverb

Cookery has become a noble art, a noble science; cooks are gentlemen.
Robert Burton

I feel a recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation.
Madam Benoit

A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.
 Aesop

In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires. Benjamin Franklin

Omit and substitute! That's how recipes should be written. Please don't ever get so hung up on published recipes that you forget that you can omit and substitute. Jeff Smith

Never trust a skinny cook. -- Author Unknown

"The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking
you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude."
~ Julia Child

"After a good dinner one can forgive anybody,
even one's own relatives."
~ Oscar Wilde

Some classic Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof:

Tevye: A fiddler on the roof. Sounds crazy, no? But here, in our little village of Anatevka, you might say every one of us is a fiddler on the roof trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune without breaking his neck. It isn't easy. You may ask 'Why do we stay up there if it's so dangerous?' Well, we stay because Anatevka is our home. And how do we keep our balance? That I can tell you in one word: tradition!

Perchik: Money is the world's curse.
Tevye: May the Lord smite me with it. And may I never recover

Tevye: As the good book says, if you spit in the air, it lands in your face

Tevye: I know, I know. We are Your chosen people. But, once in a while, can't You choose someone else?

Lazar Wolf: How is your brother-in-law? In America?
Tevye: Oh, he's doing very well.
Lazar Wolf: Oh, he wrote you?
Tevye: No, not lately.
Lazar Wolf: Then how do you know?
Tevye: If he was doing badly, he would write.

Tevye: As the good book says 'Each shall seek his own kind'. In other words a bird may love a fish but where would they build a home together?

Tevye: [to God] Anyway, Motel and Tzeitel have been married for some time now. They work very hard, and they're as poor as squirrels in winter. But, they're so happy, they don't know how miserable they are

Villager: An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.
Tevye: Very good. That way the whole world will be blind and toothless.

Tevye to God) "You made many many poor people, I realise of course it's no shame to be poor, but it's no great honour either. Now what would be so terrible if I had a small fortune?"

“Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark.”
 O. Henry
 
 “If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry.”
 O. Henry
 
“It was beautiful and simple as all truly great swindles are.”
 O. Henry
 
“The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate.”
 O. Henry
 
“Life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating.”
 O. Henry
 
      “What else can you expect from a town that's shut off from the world by the ocean on one side and New Jersey on the other?”
 O. Henry
 
      “Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.”
 O. Henry
 
"A burglar who respects his art always takes his time before taking anything else."
O. Henry

"Write what you like; there is no other rule."
O. Henry

"A story with a moral appended is like the bill of a mosquito. It bores you, and then injects a stinging drop to irritate your conscience"
O. Henry

A few of my favorite quotes from the popular website bash.org

<@Terror> "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield."
<@cky> opposite over hypotenuse
<@cky> dipshit

Mjordan2nd: If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
Chris: Spider Man
Tim: batman
Sidd: batman
Mjordan2nd: I'd be god

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

<Patrician|Away> what does your robot do, sam
<bovril> it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls

< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

<Fulgore> whats the complement to a 43 degree angle?
<sparks> My you're looking "acute" today
<Fulgore> fuck you