| Every time I attempt a new diet. I seem to binge more than ever. wtffff.
It's summer. I've been eating a lot better.
Today I've already eaten kind of a lot. But not really.
And it was all healthy food.
A small salad. Only thing with calories was the light dressing, and a few misc. calories.
Then I had a piece of toast. A small banana. Cottage cheese.
So nothing like TERRIBLE. but still. ahhhh.
I really hope I can lose this weight. Fuck.
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| New hair.
Haaaa. Yeah that's all I'm really updating I guess.
I like this picture a lot.
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| I'm so tired. But I need to update. I know.
I fail at losing weight. I always do. But this summer is going to be different.
I've been trying to watch more on what I eat [today was bad though]
And I've been doing more exercise. I even got my mom to go with me the other day
just for a long walk with my sisters.
I want to SHOCK everyone.
I want to WALK into my first day as a senior next year & I WANT people to STARE.
Considering that would be the only time ever, I really hope it happens.
You know, when I was little I was average / even really tiny.
But then I don't know, one day I just started eating [emotions?]
It was hard growing up for me. I had a lot always going on & I always put so much pressure on myself.
I hate those girls who are just naturally thin & pretty. It sucks. They don't realize how easy they have it.
But I guess I'd rather be FAT and lose all the weight & know how hard it was.
Than to be pretty & not know that difficulties we face.
I know I won't be GORGEOUS by the first day of school.
But it'd be nice if I could lose a good 30 pounds.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to get a gym membership though :/ which really sucks.
I can't find any work & it's really just not in my families budget. As much as my mom & I need it.
Bah. I hate money. & with college stuff coming up. Shit.
Anyways. Enough of my rambling.
That was from today. Hahhh I went to my moms work.
Sorry, I'm too lazy right now to make it the right way.
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| Just a quick update, I have a ton of stuff to do yet.
I don't know what I think about those leg things,
they make me feel really weird wearing them hahhh.
School is so close to being over! I can't wait.
I'm thinking she's gorgeous.
She has toned up so much in the past two years.
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| You know what I hate most about being fat?
I hate when I'm out with my friends and feel SO much bigger than them.
One of my best friends that I always hang out with is 125 pounds.
I'm over twice her size :| I hate walking / sitting by her because I feel so much bigger.
I want it to look proportioned.
I had to bring a friend back home last night, 30 minutes away.
And then I went and saw my bestie since fourth grade!
She ran out of her house and jumped on me in a hug :] I love her so much.
She's lost weight, about 40 pounds. She weighs about 140 now.
I want to look like she does. She's adorable.
I want to be able to jump on my friends like that and not have them fall down.
I can do this. I can do this.
I'm going to Colorado in July and I want to have lost at least a few pounds. Anything.
In October I'm going to Florida and by then I want to have lost A LOT of weight.
Definitely not my goal weight, but I'd LOVE to have lost maybe 40 plus pounds for sure.
I CAN DO THIS.
I just have to keep telling myself that.
I want my legs to look more normal.
And not like some huge cow muscles.
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