rainbowlove16's Xanga

Who knows....

Tue, 29 May 2007 13:03:46 GMT

So i have no idea what's been going on with me lately.
I feel ~~Gone.~~
I feel completly and utterly out of control of my feelings.
What should i do?
I have no idea what to do nothing is working for me.
I'm taking my pills i talk to people to an extent.
What more can i do?
Sometimes i feel this illness is what's gonna kill me.
They say it's treatable for the past 6 years it's done nothing but get worse.
People tell me you have to wanna change for it to help.
I do wanna change alot of people see that.
So maybe i'm one of those people that it actually wont help.
What if i'm that slight chance that treatment won't make me better?
I'm as good as dead, I can't try any harder and i can't wait another 6 years for things to start and help.
I'm just gonna be another teenage suicide.
My love for Ashley can't even save me anymore.
For the past couple months she's whats kept me going, kept me believing it might work.
Well guess what it's not going to work.
So much shit has overwhelmed my life for so long and i'm finally tired of trying to make them go away.
Those problems arn't going anywhere.

PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT:

Ashley- i love you with all my heart and soul you know that.
Kayla- your my BESTIE your amazing.
Brittany- another bestie i couldn't make it without you.
Kristen- another bestie that i can talk to about anything.
Alyssabeth- one great chick who can put a smile on anyone's face.
Mandy- My big sis my world my best friend someone i can always turn to even though your not here.
Kayleigh- Lil sis i always got her back and i always try to be there for her.
Elizabeth- Someone i can joke around with talk to for hours and someone who is always there no matter what.

This is how i truly feel like it or not everything i said in this blog will be true.
Life doesn't always end up the way you wanted it to.

Thanks to everyone who has ever been there for me and actully cared.
It means alot.

*Heather*

Happy <3

Wed, 09 May 2007 19:47:48 GMT

I get to see my baby tommarow for the first time in like 3 weeks.
I'm so happy, I'm crazy in love her too.
Were gonna get married next year she is moving in withn me.
Everything is going exactly how we wanted it to go.
She loves me more than anyone in this world.
She puts up with all my shit so i give her alot of respect for that.
She has me at my best and my worst but still loves me.
Never has anyone told me they would run away with me if it just means to be with me.
Never has anyone given up someone else for me either.
I always feel so special.
And she says the sweetest things that make me wanna cry.

"A thousand miles seems pretty far but they've got planes, and trains, and cars i'd walk to you if i had no other way!"

Crazy in love

Sun, 06 May 2007 14:55:33 GMT

So i haven't updated in awhile.
Things are going great.
Except school but what's else is new?
I'm in love with the most amazing girl ever.
I have pretty much amazing friends.
And my family is awesome.
Me and Ashley will be going on 3 months on the 11th.
I can't wait til next year she will be living with me.
I will be able to wake upto her every morning.
I can't wait for school to be over only 5 more weeks.
But then i have to take 6 weeks of summer classes.
DUMB.

~Heather N Ashley~

Well....<3

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 20:23:15 GMT

Well i have kinda been on an emotional roller coaster lately...
Why i have no idea...
But for the past 3 days i have been moody...
I'm sorry for taking it out on you Ashley...
I Love you soooo much you have no idea...
You always make me feel good about myself...
And i haven't really seen that lately...
And for that i am sorry too...
But it's funny sincei have been with her...
I have noticed what i wanna do with my life...
What kind of person i wanna be...
It's almost been a month...
And it feels like a lifetime...
I know your the person i wanna spend the rest of my life with...
I know your the one for me...
And i can't believe today i almost let that go...
I Love you and without you i would have never made it this far...
Everyone in my family loves you...
My mom, my sister my friends too...
I have noticed such a change in myself and my friends have noticed it too...
They always say "Heather your so cute when your in love..."
And i see it too...
Everday i feel it and say it too...
My friends can never shut me up about you...
But anyways School is great i have all B's and a C which is pretty good for missing the first 2 weeks of the marking period...
Family couldn't be better...
Friends are my life what keep me breathing...
They are what keeps me alive and having fun...
But i gotta get get going i'm going bowling with my momma...
Lov ya guys Lots...

* Heather -N- Ashley*

~For every scar there a story behind it...That time you fell off your bike and scraped your arm...Or the time you cut your knee from climbing that tree...Or those holes in your heart where she stabbed you!~

So Frustrated...

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 23:42:58 GMT

So tommarow is my meeting i am nervous...
And i love it how bitches cough cough not naming anyone Steph...
There has been a problem with Me you and Ashley...
How you bring other people like Alyssa who have no buisness knowing anything that goes on in my life into it...
Then you have Alyssa message Ashley her on myspace...
Steph grow up and learn how to fight your own battles...
You aint nothing but a pussy...
But Alyssa i thought you had more smarts than that...
Stay out of my life both of you...
It doesn't need your drama...
And if you guys keep it up there will be problems...
But anyways Me and Ashley are perfect...
I couldn't ask for anything better...
School is starting to suck but my grades are still good...
Home is still good, me and mom and Kay are getting along...
Well iwill leave a post tommarow lettin you guys know when i leave...

Peace out Girl Scouts...

~Heather -N- Ashley~

Life....

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 16:12:44 GMT

So i am loving life right now...
Everything is so right...
School all A's...
Love unbelievably great...
Getting along with my mom well...
My and Kay have been hanging alot...
My meeting to go away to the group home the 26th...
That's the only thing that's really stressin me...
But guess i'll get going...

Word to big bird LMAO...

*Heather -N- Ashley*

Dudes......

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 18:50:45 GMT

Hey guys i'm pretty much just chillin right now...
I am high as fuck right now....
Me and ashley had a great weekend....
that'a about all for now....

My baby....<3

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 18:17:53 GMT

Me and Steph broke up. And now i am currently and will be with forever Ashley. For all of you who don't know ashley is she is my ex fiance...She is amazing and i love her more than anytthing or anyone on this planet. School has been getting better for me. i have a meeting on the 26 to find out when i go to my group home placment. And i will be there 6-8 months.but i really don't have much else to say.

Heather -N- Ashley Don't hate bitches

Steph.....<3

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 00:07:17 GMT

Steph and me are back together....I just got out of the hospital today at 8 this morning....I go back to school tommarow....Possibly Alex's grandma's house this weekend....Getting some sleep in....In a couple of weeks going to my group home for 6-8 months.....I think this really will help me i want it......I want to get better....I need to get better.....I am also gonna be trying to think of more coping skills for me when i get upset i already have a list of 40 things.....Well need to go get some sleep tommarow school in the morning....

*Heather N Steph*

Well...News...

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 12:46:40 GMT

Well me and Alyssa broke up last night, it just seemed like she didn't wanna be with me all that much. I Love her so much but she doesn't even realize how much she means to me. She's been my best friend for the past 7 yrs. of my life, she means everything to me. We are always hanging out and being goofy together. She amazes me i'm not gonna give up on this. She makes me feel like i'm important and i can do anything i want to. But enough about her. My therapists are assholes to the fullest they are trying to send me to a Residential or an All girls group home for no reason. BULLSHIT. I really hope i don't go i have a job now and i might be getting into that alternative school and my friends they mean everything to me. You guys have helped me through the roughest times in my life. I've been to residentials, and hospitals and it never helped so why go and try it again when i am doing fine? And they had the nerve to say i have a Drug and Alcohol problem. When i barely drink and smoke maybe 2 times a month. I haven't gone to school in about a month it's just not working for me at Allen. But i need to get going...

~Heather~

*I Love you Alyssa don't ever forget it or question that*