"Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride...

...friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here, where grace is served with muscle and strength by gentleness confined he serves without servility; he has fought without enmity. there is nothing so powerful, nothing less violent. there is nothing so quick, nothing more patient." ~ Ronald Duncan, "The Horse," 1954

Yesterday I was able to go to work with Jenae for the day, and it was so much fun. She works at a show barn in Medina specializing in Paso Finos, and American Quarter Horses. It was so wonderful to be in a barn again, to be surrounded by such wonderful animals. I was also able to ride again, and had my first experience riding a Paso Fino. For those who are not quite familiar with the different breeds of horses, Paso Finos are gaited horses, or they have different ways of moving than the traditional gaits of horses. Within this world, I was able to completely forget the thoughts which plague my mind on a daily basis and be simply myself. God is so amazing, and creative. He made a creature which is wild, and free, and yet can be trained and trusted. They can pull carts, and carry us on their backs, and because they don't have teeth all along their jaw, we can place something in their mouth to direct them where we want to go. However, at the same time, some may decide that they don't want to do what their rider wants them to, and will fight you. The more time I spend with horses, and the more I learn about them, the more I learn about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. 

For example: one day I was riding one of my favorite horses, Autumn (a spunky, strong-willed, Quarb mare), in the indoor arena up at Sham. At that time we had round bales stacked in the corner of the arena, and they were easy enough to avoid while riding. However, Autumn had it in her head that day that what she wanted to was more important than what I was asking (telling more by that point) her to do. I never had any intention of running her face first into the round bale, but she was so intent on getting out the gate that she ignored my direction and ran herself literally face first into the bale. When I look back on that day, it just makes me think about God's direction in my life. He quietly tells me to go one direction, but in my limited, stubborn mind set God's direction doesn't seem to be what I want right now. So I ignore Him, and end up running headlong into something that I never really wanted in the first place. I NEED Him to guide my steps because without Him, and the grace he has shown me I am nothing. Now, when Autumn ran herself into that bale of hay I didn't need to punish her, she realized her mistake. All I did was gently turn her back the direction I wanted her to go, and she actually listened to me that time. But, in my own life, I just wonder how many hay bales I am going to run into before I actually learn to let God lead and trust Him. When will I learn? 

Toward a Satisfying End for Progress in the Christian Walk

I found this while I was cleaning my room today. I got it for a graduation gift last year and pushed it aside to count my gift money, how horribly worldly of me, but when I read it this morning I thought it was worth sharing. It is taken from Robert E. Speer's "The Marks of a Man" 1907.

1. Think about Jesus Christ and not about yourself.

2. Do the sort of things for other people that you would do if you loved them.

3. Do not ever talk of yourself or boast or seek praise or pity. Remember the words of Archbishop Benson: "Not to call attention to crowded work or petty fatigues or trivial experiences. To heal wounds which in times past my cruel and careless hands have made. To seek no favor, no compassion; to deserve, not ask for tenderness. Not to feel any uneasiness when my advice is not asked, or is set aside."

4. Do with absolute faithfulness every duty.

5. Rejoice at all the good you see in others and all the honors they achieve, and admire all that is admirable in all things.

6. Counteract all beginnings of evil, whether of thought or act, by some positive though or deed of good.

7. Do not do evil, thus avoiding remorse, and will to love, thus winning peace. (I really need to work on this one, especially in the things I say. I tend to speak out in anger and then have to apologize for those words later.)

8. Do not be impatient. Go on coveting the best and the highest, but remember that time is necessary for all things- to separate us from all past failure and shame and to bring us to the goal, and remember that it will be unconsciously probably that we shall draw nearer to it.

Are you ready?
Almost a year has passed and now we stand on the brink of returning to a world where we are surrounded
by the paradox of everything, and yet nothing being the same.
In less than a week we will reluctantly give our hugs and fight the tears
while we say goodbye to people who were once just names on a sheet of paper to return to people that we hugged and
fought tears to say goodbye to before we ever left.
We will leave our best friends to return to our best friends.
We will go back to the places we came from and go back to the same things we did
last summer and every summer before that.
We will come into town on that same familiar road, and even though it has been months, it will seem like only yesterday.  As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become.
You suddenly realize that the things that were most important to you a year ago don’t seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand.
The memories and the stories from school won’t mean anything to anyone at home and
yet you resent them that, that they can’t share that happiness with you.
Who will you call first? What will you do your first weekend home with your friends?
How long before you actually missing people barging in without calling or knocking?
Who will get pizza at three in the morning with you now?
How long until you adjust to sleeping alone in a room again?
Then you start to realize how much things have changed, and you realize the hardest part of the university is balancing the two completely different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold onto everything all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave behind.
In the matter of one day’s traveling time, we will leave our world of living next door to our best friends, walking across campus to eat, instant messenger, 8am classes, and the perpetual
procrastination to a world that will seem foreign to us
despite the fact that we lived in it for eighteen years.
But it is different now.  We know the meaning of true friendship.
We know whom we have kept in touch with over the
past year and whom we hold dearest in our hearts.
We’ve left our high school world to deal with the real world.
We’ve had our hearts broken, we’ve fallen in love, we’ve helped out best friends
overcome depression, stress, and death,
and we’ve stayed up all night on the phone just to talk to a friend in need.
There have been times when we’ve felt so helpless being hours away from home, when we know our families needed us, and there are times we know we have made a difference.
Less than a week from now we will leave.
Less than a week from now we take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes.
No more going next door to do nothing for hours on end.
We will leave our friends whose random email and
phone calls will bring us to laughter and tears this summer.
We will take our memories and dreams and put them away for now,
saving them for our return to this world.
Less than a week from now we will arrive. 
We will unpack our bags and have dinner with our families.
We will drive over to our best friend’s houses and do nothing for hours on end.
We will return to the same friends whose random emails and
phone calls have brought us to laughter over the year.
We will unpack old dreams and memories that have been put away for the past year.
In less than a week we will dig deep inside to
find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close.
And somehow, in some way, we will find our place
between these two completely different worlds.
Are you ready?

This was in the email newsletter we receive at school called the "First Year Falcon 411." When I read it, I realized how so much of it is true. That college has now become home in its own way, and that even though I haven't forgotten my good high school friends (the AP, CIS, Honors, Band/Orchestra people I came to know and love in those four years of high school), friendships with people here at school have begun to take on that same importance. As I look back I remember how terrified I was to come to college. It was a huge change and that scared me. But, surprisingly the change came easily and now I find myself wondering why I was scared at all. I also see changes in myself produced by this new time in my life. I see a person who normally hates surprises, because they don't give you sufficient time to plan, doing spontaneous things.  A person who has learned to truly give problems, worries, and concerns over to her Heavenly Father (not all the time, but more often), and a person who sees her identity in Christ clearer in everyday life.

The year flew by so fast, and I find that each year the landmarks (birthdays, school starting and ending) seem closer together. My mom, an incredibly wise woman, always told me "don't wish your life away, it goes by fast enough." Now I know exactly what she was talking about. Although I treasure the times I've had at school with my friends and my amazing roomie, I am really looking forward to the break summer provides and seeing my old friends again.

I would like to share some bits of wisdom which have really hit home for me this year:

1. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:5-9

2. Take time to have fun. You have a test tomorrow and you've already been studying for a couple hours? Play a card game with friends, watch a movie, or just hang out.

3. Don't forget to give people some grace...I am still working on this myself, but it really does help to be loving and gracious instead of angry and spiteful. This attitude can be the difference between a good day and a bad day.

ttyl,

Steph

Wheaton...Warning: Long Post

     This last weekend I was able to go to Wheaton to visit Drew. It was a really fun trip. My mom drove down there with me and she spent the weekend with her Aunt, who lives in Chicago. We left on Friday morning at 8:20 and drove most of the day; actually, I drove most of the way. We made it to Wheaton around 2:45 and my mom dropped me off at Drew's apartment because my hostess for the weekend was still in class. Drew and I hung out and watched an episode of "Friends", his new favorite past-time. After that we met up with Rachel and I hung out with her while Drew prepared for the track meet. Drew had informed me that he wouldn't be jumping until later, around 7:00, so I went and threw a softball around with her and her roommate. I was pleasantly surprised at my ability as I hadn't played softball for over a year. While throwing the ball around I got a call from Drew telling me to come down to the track. So I met up with him and watched track the rest of the night. It was fun to meet all Drew's friends from the track team, and watch him compete. He did really well! His best jump was ­43 3.5 ft. While Drew was warming up and getting ready to jump he left me all alone, so I talked to a couple of his track buddies, and then Rachel and her roommates came down to watch him jump too, it was quite the cheering section! After Drew was all done jumping, he had to play his drum for the 5K to help encourage the athletes to keep going, give them some rhythm to run along with. Well, I was kind of hungry and a little thirsty, so I ran back to Rachel’s apartment to grab my water bottle and a snack, and I ended up getting stuck there for about 15 minutes. She was watching “What Not to Wear” and I just had to sit down and watch the last few minutes with her. I finally went back out to the track and listened to him drum for the last couple races, which was kind of comical because not all the people drumming could keep a beat. They would just try and play these stupid rhythms which kept getting faster and slower, and it made me chuckle. After the track meet, some of Drew’s friends went to Chili’s for some good food and company. It was a good time, and by the time that was all over, I was ready to sleep.

     Saturday I woke up bright and early as is my custom and showered and everything. I knew Drew wasn’t going to be awake before 10, so I read five chapters of Into the Wild and studied for my Ag. Econ test a little bit. I finally sent him a couple texts, although I don’t know why I did because his phone is never on while he is sleeping, and found him awake around 10:30 because the football team had loud music playing from the Jumbotron. Thank God for football boys, otherwise Drew would've been in bed a lot longer! Eventually I moseyed over to his place and we hung out there for awhile. Lunch was in Saga, the Wheaton cafeteria, which meant lots more people to meet. We had lunch with some very nice guys, I regret I cannot remember their names but I would recognize their faces. After lunch we met up with one of Drew’s good friends, Jordan and his girlfriend to drive into Chicago. Our destination: The Museum of Science and Technology, a very interesting place which I highly recommend. We went through a couple exhibits, my favorites were the U-505(I think that’s what its number was) German U-Boat and the Fairy Tale castle. They actually have the submarine in the museum. While trying to sneak a peek inside the submarine I walked right into a handrail at pelvis height, and it completely stopped me dead in my tracks. This was followed closely by a fit of laughter from the boys and much pain for me. I reprimanded Drew for failing to warn me of the oncoming impact with the pole; however he didn’t care and continued to laugh at me. The Castle is a huge dollhouse, made from real gold, silver, titanium, diamonds, sapphires, and other really expensive, ornate, old things. It was so cool. I wish I was 5 inches tall and lived in that house! Everything in there was real, the books even had the complete story in them, and there was a tiny little pistol that actually worked! It was amazing. After the museum we went to Gino’s East for some Chicago Deep Dish, it was amazing, and we followed dinner with “Juno.” Not my favorite movie of all time, it was super awkward to watch, especially with guys. There were some good parts, but the rest was just plain awkward.

Sunday, we went to church, had lunch, and then my mom and I started our journey back toward the cities. We left at 1:30 so I could get back in time for Hall Council. I was super excited because the theme that night was formal night, and I had my prom dress all ready. Well, just before Belvidere, IL a loud flapping sound came from under the hood and we could smell burning rubber, so we pulled off at the next rest stop type thing and checked it out. It turned out that our serpentine belt was starting to shred, and we were already passed the exit which had a service station, and there was no way to get there from where we were, so we drove forward to Rockford. In Rockford we found a wonderfully helpful man at Tires Plus who kept his shop open to fix our van, however the repairs took two hours. My mom and I were thankful that God orchestrated the breakdown timing close to a major city instead of in Wisconsin. So, it was very late before we got back to the cities and I missed Hall Council so I wasn’t able to wear my dress. L Whatever, there will be more chances to dress up.

All in all, it was an amazing weekend! It was nice to see Drew again, and fun to meet all of his friends. Now I am just trying to focus on these last weeks of school, only 18 weekdays left of the semester! I can make it!

ttyl,

Steph

Horses for sale?

So one of my friends here at school is looking for an approx 10yr old gelding around 15 hh for her friend. Her friend wants to use the horse for 4-H or something like that, the horse should be well broke, and kid safe...if any of you know of any horses for sale that fit this description, let me know. Thanks!

Steph