| | Miscellaneous
I woke up at 4:00 am this morning to finish my unfinished MatLab and HW,and right now the time is 7:27...and i still haven't finished those works yet.Is it caused by procrastination??I got no clue on it.Whenever i am struck in the problem i am working on,thinking like a long time without any inspiration,then i will start "hea"ing.In my mind,the reason for "hea"ing is to try to make my brain relax and hope to get a sudden thought of solving that problem.Nevertheless,it seems like this method does not work out at all,and i think i am addicted to "hea"ing, which cause procranstination....hope to finish it before 11:00, because i have class at 12:00
Back to what i want to say about today,i don't really want to go to class today.Not that i don't like going to leture(actually i think i don't miss much leture time of 3 classes three or four days,excluding the Matlab session),it is because i will get back my 2nd midterm for 2 of my classes i believe,both Econ(Econmetric) and Math(Linear Algebra)..I think i did badly on both of the midterms.(By seeing the answer keys of the Econ midterm,i approximatedly know how i did on it).Not that i don't spend my time on studying both subjects, i started to study a week a head before the midterms,spending most of my time in the library.if it is at before, i will use an excuse of "because last week i got 3 midterms in a row,so i can't focus on particular subject".But for now, i just believe that i am not talented on academic study.Thinking back the result from HKCEE,looking back my grades in Community College,and having so many smart students around me in UCSD,i feel like i just suck....this feeling emerged in my mind again in here when i first felt it in HS at HK,even worse...to the worst.
Dad was calling me several times this few days,telling me that he felt exhausted and weak of handling the work in the restaurant. He told me that he might quit the job and go back HK in May for taking a rest,claiming that he will go to the missionary trip with his close friend.Then,he will see if he can get a job in HK to support my brother and my life in here.For me,i think it is fair to him to quit the current job that he is in such an old age to work in a stressful and rapid envirnoment in restaurant.After my mother passed away in last year,he is just alone by himself without any friend in him to support whenever he got shouted and blamed with a chain of "fxxked"words by other workers and his boss(both husband wife)in the restaurant. Althrough there is enough money for my brother and i to study in here, it does not last long.I don't even want to think about it.
Recently,my life is involved by another person,and now i am not only thinking of myself but both of us.I don't know it is a good thing since i am already feeling tired,not tired of that person but tired of my life by having so much stuff to think and to worry about.It is just time-cosuming.As a prediction, i think there will be a certain extent of affecting my academic study.Ai...Am i doing the right thing?I am lack of energy to think(Monster and Red bull can't help much)...
After typing many words here,i want to conclude that my life is a mess in here.I miss my be-loved basketball.I miss God.I miss the time when my mom is here to teach me "social's lesson".I miss my unstressful and quiet life.Maybe it is time to think of living in the forest.
Useless Rayim is getting ready to see and to experience how messy of his life can be.
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| | Posted 3/6/2007 11:23 AM - 23 views - 1 comments
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