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rddj623
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Name: Ryan
Birthday: 4/2/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: God, Movies/Film, Music, Reading, Writing, Chillin With Friends, APU, Theater-techside, Africa-I really want to go there!, My Family, Comics, Star Trek, Collecting Action Figures~I'm a geek I know it, Weaponry...etc.
Expertise: Ok, So what am I an expert at? Weapons esp. guns. I am very knowledgable about and passionate about weapons: swords, knives, guns, etc. That is my expertise, weapons and the use of them.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  rddj623apu
Member Since:
7/27/2004
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| Life is a lot longer if you take it all too seriously.
"Those who shun the whimsy of things will experience rigor mortis before death". Tom Robbins has alot of interesting things to say, lots of his philosophical meanderings are ones I do not fully agree with, however this one is so very true. Whimsy is one of those silly things that "adults" tend to try to expel from children. Why is this? Why must responsibility and whimsy be diametrically opposing forces? I think they are quite the contrary. Complementary powers that yield the most out of life when you find the delicate balance. Take Jesus for example. He was certainly responsible. Serious. Ernest. "about His Father's business". Think about it though, He was also whimsical. He picked 12 blubbering fools and hung out with them for 3 years. That's a bit whimsical if you're the Son of God I think. His relationship with those men was certainly whimsical. He had the balance we all need in our lives. Become like children, see the kingdom of heaven. Children are certainly whimsical. So me a truly whimsical person and I'll show you someone rarely depressed. Of course depressing things happen, and all of us will feel that pain at one point or another. Whimsy though, needs to be part of our everyday experience. Laugh through the rough spots in life. Make the best of the worst. Let the whimsy of crappy situations overturn the grief. Let God reign. Serving God isn't a death sentence, rather it's a life sentence. Life and life more abundantly, whimsy with responsibility. God is good all the time, all the time God is good. Just my thoughts for the moment.
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| Unto the new year...
Ever feel like that Zebra who was eaten cause "God no love him?" I meant to post this along with darker thoughts that have passed but the sentiment still is fairly well resound. Sometimes we are invited to a world where we can worship God (be it secular or Christian) and then we get eaten instead...and then the world (mostly secular but more often than should be Christian as well) tells us that God doesn't love us and thats why we were eaten. God never said He doesn't love us, it's the world that imparts that false slogan in our heads. Satan capitalizes on it. In fact I would go so far as to say Satan puts bets on it. He waits around, knowing that the day will come that this falsehood will become imprinted in the heads of both believers and non-believers.
Getting past this lie is not only essential but basic. Self-loathing is God loathing. God loves you is one of the most foundation fortifying things that you need to learn to be able to move forward in your relationship with the Lord. That way when the rough times come, and the storm is raining and thundering you can retreat to the simplicity of God loves me. God LOVES me. GOD (creator of the universe and everything in it) LOVES (so much so that He sent His only begotten Son to die for my sins) me (that floundering, good-for-nothing, depraved, hell-deserving mo-fo). Simple and yet so direly complex :)
Thank you Jesus for your amazing love.
Dwell on the basics as your new year rolls around. Build up from there... | | |
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Be careful this doesn't happen to you this season. Jesus is the reason
for the season. Don't be politically correct, wish people a Merry
CHRISTmas and mean it. Christmas, the word itself, means "To gather
around Christ". Let this be our prayer and our goal for the world this
season. Sure Jesus wasn't born on December 25th but we celebrate His
birth on that day. Lots of lessons being learned. Many of them not all
that easy. Patience and Responsibility. Hard things, I still feel like
a kid alot of time. I'm not ready for this real world of full time
work. I want my cushy little college life back. God is good, all the
time. All the time, God is good. I love Him, I don't always manifest
that well, but I try. And He gives me endless Mercy and Grace. Mercy
not getting something we deserve. Like the hell we deserve for our
depraved natures. Grace getting something we don't deserve. Like the
heaven we are promised if we simple accept it from God. Often times I
find that I have trouble accepting these massive concepts. Mercy and
Grace. Given to me by God without any qualifications except accepting
them from Him. Amazing His Grace and Mercy. I'm blessed. Blessed with a
family that love each other greatly. Blessed with a full time job under
a wise Christian man who's shown me exuberant grace of his own for my
tardiness in the beginning. Blessed with a roof over my head, food in
my belly, clothes to wear. That's more than a lot of the world can say.
So this season remember Jesus.
This next part has been a few weeks in the thinking. God's amazing.
Truly powerful and mighty. Marvelous and wonderful. Beautiful and awe
inspiring. His majesty and glory make the most beautiful things of this
world pale in comparison. Lessons being learned. Hard ones. Not simple
or easy. But neccessary. I'm coming to find my first love again. Jesus
Christ. It's always amazing to me when I find myself in a deep hole and
look up at last and see how far down the rabbit hole I've actually
delved. How did I get to this point? Where did I falter in my faith to
the point where jaded bitterness became the norm? When a hard resolve
became the way to get by? When cynicism became a way of life and not
simply a nice little sarcastic escape to keep sane? You know what I
find? I find that God never left my side. I find that in the past
little less than year and half of truly darker periods the only things
that have been keeping me from God have been me. Yes of course satan's
persistence in helping me keep myself from Him have been there as well
but Satan has already been defeated. It's my choice to give in or not.
Choice really is the theme that I love the most in movies and
literature. We are capable of such great good and such horrifying evil.
And somehow God stands by us leading gently (and sometimes much harder
than I'd like but never harder than I need) in the direction of
choosing what we want to choose in our heart of hearts. The battle
lines are drawn. We are in constant battle with ourselves. Flesh and
Spirit fighting for control of a weak and broken vessel. Flesh wins
alot. I despise myself for that. But thats not God. That's satan's
evils working in my mind, bringing my flesh even more power to destroy
itself. Self destruction keeps us from being truly effective for the
Lord. I love my Jesus. Pastor Jack (the pastor of my church) was
talking this morning about imagining a Christmas without Jesus and how
there would be many things that couldn't be if there was no Jesus
involved. One of the things he touched on that I took in a totally
different direction because of where I am with God right now was true
love. True love and the requirements of it. True love requires
willfulness, sacrifice, and determination. Quite simply he defined what
I have tried to define speaking of true love in the past as a process
of constant renewal. But I like his definition better. Especially how
it relates to God. Specifically how God loves me. Willfully because He
loved me before I was born, He loved me before I accepted Him, He loves
me still though I sin more than any other human alive it seems. And
willfully I sin. I choose to sin and tear up His heart and my own. Yet
He willfully loves me. How is this possible? He loves me sacrificially.
Go watch The Passion of the Christ and tell me his death was not a
sacrifice. But one He did not begrudgingly but for the joy that was set
before Him. That joy was me. Ryan Daniel Lucchesi. I was the joy set
before Him and He went willingly to His death in sacrificial love. He
loves me with determination. He has resolve. He is going to love me no
matter what. He is resolved to love me willfully and through sacrifice.
The three are interconnected parts that are quite neccessary for true
love to take place. I long for a relationship, and yet when thinking
about this I find that I must work on my relationship with my first
love first. Then once I have worked through that, I can trust Him to
help me bring that same ability of true love to a realtionship with a
woman. Until then it would just be another trip down a rabbit hole.
Pastor Jack said something this morning that I thought was awesome. He
said that Jesus isn't his crutch He's an entire hospital. We have to
come to that point where we realize that we don't need a crutch, that
isn't even enough we need a full blown hospital with beds, and doctors,
and all sorts of stuff to help us out. God is our hospital. We can't do
it on our own. Somewhere in the past year or so I've been struggling to
do just that. I'm now giving it all up. Surrendering it all back to the
one that had control over it all in the first place. It's not easy. Its
choice. Theological truths can be found in the funniest of places. Like
in comic books. Especially deep dark comics that deal with very harsh
issues like Spawn. In Spawn Issue # 4 Al Simmons (who is the Spawn for
all you non-comic-y people) is finally figuring out a little more about
why he has been endowed with the amazing powers of a HellSpawn that he
has been endowed with, he is talking with Malebolgia who is the head of
the 8th sphere of hell in the Spawn mythos. Arguably Malebolgia is
satan in metaphor. Malebolgia says something so theologically sound it
surprised the hell out of me(haha hell no pun intended there). "And it
was you choice. I don't have the power to turn people away from God.
They have to do that willingly. But once they do I need to seize that
moment and make them mine. Once I have them my powers can and will
control them forever." And this is what the devil says to us, though as
with anything the devil says we must question his intentions. And in a
statement like this the rub comes in the end where the devil would have
us convinced that his powers once given into are forever. However this
is not true. Our God is bigger than the devil. Lucifer has been
defeated. His lies fall flat when compared to the truths of the Lord.
We just have to see past those lies and realize that the choice still
rests with us. We can choose to turn our ways towards God and let Him
help us through the troubled times. It's a daily struggle, but one well
worth the fight. | | |
| Dedicated to a certain girl that inadvertently inspired me to write.
<>Putting words to paper has always been the hard part for
me…that’s not good since I express myself the best in a writing format…not so
much traditionally but very much so in a free-flowing stream of consciousness
sort of a way…my thoughts fly faster than I can type sometimes… a lot of times…
I like ellipses they make me happy…punctuation is for not for stream of
consciousness sorts of musings…existentialism is a fun thing to ponder at 1:10
am after having a nice and reassuring conversation with someone that if they
could only see themselves as you do they’d catch a glimpse of immeasurable
beauty and worth…and sometimes I wonder if I could see that about myself if I
were to look in a looking glass that was the view of me through someone else’s
eyes… why the fuck can’t this be as easy as it should be…should…funny word
choice…should…for Christ’s sake…not swearing but literally I mean for Christ’s
sake…should…it makes me wonder…should wasn’t a part of the way that Christ saw
things…it was and it wasn’t…should was destroyed in the Garden…should was this
perfect world where we would literally walk with God’s presence…sin has
destroyed that and opened up a huge and floundering gap between one and the
other…bother…bother bother bother…and I can’t help but think…what if I were
there…if I were Adam would I have eaten of the fruit… I shall continue this but
not right now…now I must entertain my late night guest…He’s on the phone so I
will continue this at this very moment…anywho’s…should…what should is…is
different than what easy is…that’s what I mean when I say for Christ’s
sake…Christ never said that should would be easy…should is righteousness and we
fucked that up a long time ago thus it is not easy to attain today…we have
grace through a sacrifice that we cannot and perhaps will not ever understand
or comprehend fully…I have said before and stick to this about my own life…I
would die for any of my friends or for a stranger in need…I live for my close
friends, and my God unfortunately more so in that order than I would like…Jesus
lived and died for us…He accepted separation from the glory that was His
birthright and honor…to be with me…a man trapped in a body of lusts and greed’s
and laziness and struggles and deceit and corruption and depravity to a degree
that I cannot even look in a looking glass without seeing the sadist twisted
evil that I am inside…sure I’m that nice guy that you know and love and yet I
am the most perverse, despicable man you could ever meet…yet the God that lives
in me is greater…I have to keep telling myself that…though sometimes all I am
doing is repeating an age old mantra that I no more believe in than the fact
that I will win the lottery one day, and yet I keep playing that too…perhaps
believing in that more so … ellipses are my friends… random thoughts and how
they flow… women…don’t get me started…back to the topic at hand…how can a man
such as myself in all of my depraved state rise above it to become a man of
righteousness…a man worthy of his calling as the Bible says to walk like… how
is that possible for a man such as myself…the things I could do if I weren’t a
Christian…I abhor my mind and its facets of pragmatic and existential
entrapments…criminality wouldn’t be that hard…and yet I can’t…but I’m convinced
my Jesus is the only reason for that…truly if not for that I would conquer and
obliterate on such a power hungry level…that’s why I like Lex Luthor from
Smallville so much…because he’s
not fully evil yet…you are seeing the man in his state of choice…we all have a
choice…for those of you who haven’t seen Closer you really should…just don’t
watch it with your parents…or someone of sensitive sensibilities its quite
raucous in its sexuality but none the less about as grittily real as it
gets…one of my all time favorite quotes is from the movie and Natalie Portman’s
character says it and it goes like this: "Oh, as if you had no choice?
There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into
this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I
bet there was one”…amazing and so so so true…thus why I love Fight Club as
well…its all about choice…its about what you do with that deceitful dreadful
(damn I like d’s a lot in this pondering) nature…and I fail at keeping it in
check…I fail at choosing righteousness over pleasure…I fail at choosing light
above darkness…I fail to choose responsibility instead of laziness…I fail at
all of it…and it pisses me off…and it seems like such a fubar situation…I can’t
do what I want to do…that which I strive for slaps me in the face and then
kicks me in the balls…and then kicks me while I’m down…le sigh…then fire the
missiles!… golly gee I’m random…time to go and come back to this in a bit…back
again…fuck…again back in that place…fall down attempt to get up fall down
attempt to get up fall down attempt to get up…gets old…and quickly so…where for
art thou my God?…I can understand the agnostic at times…I can think now of only
Drew and his “God does not see me as an enemy but as the loyal opposition”…it
seems for very differing reasons in our ways separate but equal we are both the
loyal opposition of God…whilst D may be opposing even His existence I am
opposing following His ways…not purposefully…at least not most of the time…what
I mean to say is that I wish I didn’t oppose His right standing ways and I wish
I did take that moral high ground and defend that to my death…and yet I cave
and crumble to pressures I’ve caved and crumbled to a thousand times before…I thought
it was supposed to get easier to oppose the more you tried…not stay the same or
become less so…yet there is hope…look at David…pretty much a Biblical BAMF…the
dude was a man after God’s own heart and yet he committed adultery and murder
against a friend no less…and was justly punished…but still God loved him and
used him…and in mighty ways…this gives me hope…many things do, they just must
be sought after and searched for…lucifer, whose name ironically enough spell
check tells me to capitalize, has much easier things to believe…such as I’m a
worthless Christian, or did I even become a Christian? How could I grieve my
Lord so if I was serving Him justly and rightly…for crying out loud…I’m glad
for my friend who reminded me of writing and why its important and how it just
flows once you start…starting is the hard part…especially for me…and yet…here I
am typing away…its now 5:25 am I just watched a great movie and put on another
to just bide my time…I will sleep or not…my mind and body can’t decide…death is
certain, life is not…good words to live by…live once and die twice or live
twice and die once…and so it is…“but I’m the professor and I feel that I
should”…
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| I like Jesus...He's a pretty cool guy...
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