I Still Miss You by Keith Anderson

-still missin you like crazy, R.-

I talked to friends, talked to myself

Talked to God, I prayed like hell

but I still miss you.

I tried sober, I tried drinkin,

I been strong, I been weak

and I still miss you

I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to

But I'd give anything for one more minute with you

I still miss you

"The reasons I'm alone I know by heart

But I don't wanna spend forever in the dark.

I swear next time I'll hang on for dear life

If love ever gives me another try."-Josh Turner

Sometimes the place I go
Is so deep and dark and desperate
I don't know
Sometimes I swear, I don't know if
I'm comin' or goin'
But you always say something
without even knowin'
That I'm hangin' on to your words
With all of my might and it's alright
-Rascal Flatts

Today I was in a play. Your husband had a solo, and he did so well. You would've been proud of him. I kept thinking back to Easters past when we'd be eating breakfast together at Red Lion. It was always a highlight. I'm pretty sure you sang in church nearly every Easter. I saw your little girl today. She really reminds me of you. She's so smart and beautiful, and very entertaining. She's absolutely the highlight at every gathering. Everyone loves her so much. Your sister sang next to me in our play. She almost had her very own solo, which is a another story, entirely. She smiles and laughs just like you, in a way that everyone around laughs with her. I just kept thinking today that you should've been there. And I thought I saw you at one point. I was elated!! You had come back from your long trip and were sitting next to my sister watching us perform, just the way it should be. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks: you're not coming back from your trip. Oh yeah. But still,later on, looking out in the crowd, "oh there she is!" You were there again!! But it wasn't you. Dammit, R! I don't think there's a profanity strong enough to release the pain in my chest. I just can't believe it's over. Even so, it's so comforting to understand the power and love of Jesus and to know that he reserved a place in heaven just for you, that God took hold of you that night with his right hand and hasn't ever let go. Today when I was singing to God how glad I was that He had risen, I was extra extra glad that you were safe, and the ending was going to be good. I think this is the new meaning Easter holds for me. The resurrection is a symbol of hope in the midst of this separation. I will always have a hard day on Easter. Mary's loss of her son, Jesus will always remind of me your mom's loss. We will always talk about you on Easter. There will always be something missing on Easter, and every other special day that you should be a part of. People are still in agony, R. We miss you so bad.

 So, for those of you still reading this (and apparently those from Belgium are a huge fan) I'm blogging once again. Deb, I thought I'd give you an update on Ryan and Aria's kids. Here are some pictures.

Max is SO close to crawling that he's doing like an army crawl type thing. He's got a ton of energy (boo). I watched the kids a few days last week and it was exhausting! He's got such a good disposition though. He's so happy. Maezie is so funny! She's always making silly faces and saying the strangest things. To me, she looks alot like Aria. Anywho, that's the update.

Work at Starbucks has been good. I think I may start searching for a job in my field at some point in the near future. I basically just need more mulah, not that a career in ESL would make me huge money but I'm sure there's something better than what I've got now.

Other than that I don't have much of a life. Maybe I'll get one sometime soon.