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redreh_esila
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State: Texas
Birthday: 5/23/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: theatre, writing, art, music, soundtracks, singing, Harry Potter, Jane Austen, fantasy, Shakespeare, love, Pride and Prejudice, England, Frasier, Niles/Daphne, X-Files, Mulder/Scully, laughter, accents, MASH, adult swim, Star Wars, luke/mara, han/leia, Emma, insanity, the color green, blue, Death Cab for Cutie, Love Actually, ron/hermione, harry/ginny, bill/fluer, the Tortall series, daine/numair, magic, spirits, believing the unbelievable, relaxing, Two and a Half Men, Friends, kraft Mac' n' Cheese, Gene Kellly, Singin in the Rain, Errol Flynn, Robin Hood, Robin Hood Prince of Theives, 3, 7, 21, 11, 13, 21, London, day-dreaming, Inu Yasha, cake, passion, open-minds, Darcy, happiness, friendship, family, nature, animals, candy corn, chocolate, daffodils, palace guards, midnight, 3am jokes, ouija boards, and memories
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  elizabethdarcy3
Member Since:
7/13/2004
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| 35; from hellWhy has xanga changed all this shit lately? I swear they deleted my password--I had to go through stupid ass shit to get here.
Anyway, long time no see, yadda yadda:
I came on here to rant.
Tonight a bunch of us went to see Jay and Kellie--they live in San Antonio now, so it was a bit of a trek, but not too bad coming from Austin. Alyson and I drove together, so it was no big whoop.
Or it should have been.
We're coming back to Austin tonight--its about 11:30PM--late, but not CRAZY late--not 3-in-the-morning-bars-are-closing late. We're driving on 35, (the road I hate most in the world due to the constant asshole-ry, creepy fucks, speeders/slow-pokes, confusing austin exits, and more) and having a fairly lovely time, when I look up in my rear view mirror and observe a car behind me in the lane over. He seems to be traveling at the same speed as us.
This in itself is no real big whoop--often times on the high-way I meet "travel buddies"--people who have their cruise controls set to the same speed, people who drive in the same fashion I do. So I assumed this and paid the issue no nevermind.
But afterwhile, we start getting into more and more cars, and I notice that his speed isn't really all that consistent. Oh, I think, he's one of THOSE guys. Well fuck, I hate them.
But he never strays too far away. Whether he slows down or speeds up, he never strays too far away.
And that's when I get nervous.
So, I speed up--I go from about 74 to 90-95, putting as much space between me and this questionable person for as long as I reasonably can.
For about 30 seconds, all is well.
And then I look up in the rear-view mirror.
And he is behind me. Not the lane over, not meandering-ly so--RIGHT behind me. On-my-ASS behind me.
AGAIN, I speed up--
And he stays with me.
Naturally I have informed Alyson of this, so we're both on guard. A moment strikes, and I am able to throw on my brakes while he is in the other lane--I drop to about 50, fast, and he streaks past us. God was surely on our side at that moment, for no heavy traffic was behind us, and we were able to stay at about 55, watching him.
He had clearly slowed down but was about 100 yards ahead, behind a truck, clearly waiting for us to speed back up again.
We stayed slow until he eventually gave up and exited.
And thus, I am on here to rant.
I CANNOT STAND being a woman in this society.
I NEVER feel safe, NEVER. I am always, ALWAYS on my guard, and people may laugh and call me paranoid, but then instances like this happen, and I just feel so vindicated in the saddest way possible. I WISH I didn't have to feel frightened at night. Every time I get in my car late at night to go somewhere, I feel like I should be putting on faux-shoulder pads and a baseball cap just so I look more like a man when driving.
Why is it that women ARE NOT SAFE?
This is obviously a stupid, rhetorical question, because the truth is we will never be.
This isn't even the first time we've been stalked on 35! One morning, Alyson, Loren and I were driving up to get Shipley's--it was a special occasion! We were singing, enjoying the day and our spontaneity, when quite suddenly I realized that we were being followed. Alyson twisted, turned, sped up, slowed down, maneuvered all to hell and still, they followed! They eventually exited, clearly having had a GREAT time scaring the shit out of three poor white girls.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD.
I feel unclean, unsafe, and worried. And I feel angry. I feel so, SO angry and helpless--ALWAYS this helpless feeling.
And I feel tired.
Its getting to the point where I don't feel safe anymore anywhere at night without a guy next to me.
And why should I? I've been given no reason to.
I've been wanting to get my windows tinted since I got my car. Now, it'll be the first thing I do when I get home.
As dark as possible--no legal limits will stop me.
At least THAT's something I can be confident in.
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| I am glad of it, for it breaks the illusion that I am worth being loved.
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| atonementOh my, its been so long.
I didn't even write a "Happy Christmas" at Christmas.
Or Happy New Year.
Or anything along those lines.
That makes me a rather lazy person, don't you think?
Even more so because, in spite of all the things I have to say, all the things I want to say, I'm just writing this to say:
HOW FREAKING AWESOME ATONEMENT IS.
Not since Brokeback Mountain have I had to physically sit and stay as the credits rolled because my emotions were so high. I really knew practically nothing when I went in, and the surprise was simply wonderful. I mean, oh my holy hell--acting (and beauty, might I add) at its finest in James McAvoy. I mean jesus.
OH--and when you go see it--PLEASE, please take note that the entire War seen on the beach is one solid shot--the camera DOES NOT STOP. I mean, that track had to be about a mile long, not to mention the people who were probably picking up the track just so they could get the last shot in its entirety. Just--WOW. Cinematography was amazing.
And, people, its not a fast paced movie--its slower, more methodical. I can see how some people wouldn't have the patience for it.. but its so worth seeing.
(Also note--hottest sex scene I have ever seen in a film. And what's best is its tasteful, erotic, and necessary. Adore this film.)
I can't rave enough--just go see it.
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| Enchanted!Wow.
How long has it been?
Too long.
But ah well, such is my busy life--however, I absolutely had to post for today, because it was truly lovely.
Whitney and Alyson and I went a shoppin in Greune and I bought new TAROT (Celtic, woot!), and two parts of gifts! Huzzah! Gristmill dining was delicious, and we were able to stop by her grandparents to chat for a little while. Which was excellent because I haven't seen them in quite awhile, and they're very dear people.
And then, at 10 25 that night, I saw Enchanted for the second time.
I wanted to post the first time, but I saw it on a weekday at 10 at night, and I had to get up early and yeah...
BUT: if you have not seen Enchanted--do. Just, go do, right now. Seriously.
No, I mean really, get off your ass and go see it.
It's so good in so many ways--cheesier near the end, but never without pity--Disney truly took itself for a ride.
James Marsden is pretty much the best thing since color vision--Prince Edward is the funniest thing you'll see in... well, the funniest thing you'll see in awhile, for sure.
Amy Adams is LOVELY, and I really didn't think I'd like Patrick Dempsey in this, but oh I SO did. GUh, its just so damn funny, like seriously.
Plus, seeing 2D animation on the big screen again makes my heart sing. Its lovely, stirring, and makes me pumped up even more for The Frog Princess 2009!!! Alan Menken rocks the score with the perfectly cheesy and adorable and FUN songs and asdf;lakjsdflasjdf and is generally awesome in the way Alan Menken generally is.
Makes me angry he's not composing for TFP. Poop.
;alskdjf, such a good evening. Whitney took some lovely pictures, and I look forward to be seeing them.
And as for the real world, I have crap to do tomorrow and should sleep.
So I'm off to wash my face, brush my teeth, take out my contacts, snuggle into bed and then promptly read for about two more hours.
Ah to be me.
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| 1:45 AMAn email.
Highlighting words makes me
Stop my eyes from flicking down--
Down is not good news.
Down is where I face reality.
If I highlight what I should read
I keep a moment of happiness.
Not so much happiness;
Regret one of how I don't call enough
But I mean to
I swear I do
I think of you everyday
and I miss home.
Home, faces,
Home.
And then I come to where my eyes flicked like a wild beast.
Two twin letters strung in a duet of memories.
Scrawled on pages, crayons, linoleum, Natalie, building blocks, ninja turtle ice cream.
High school, plays, leaving leaving leaving.
I never meant to leave you behind.
Its my biggest fault.
Which may or may not be true.
I am many things; vain, arrogant, bossy, self-righteous
But at this moment I am negligent, I am cold, I am unfeeling.
Don't you know I haven't forgotten you?
Or have I?
Does daily life pushing you to the recesses of my mind mean I've forgotten you?
No.
I have taken you for granted.
Do you know I have been meaning to call you for weeks?
--You can do it later.
I wrote you a letter. You never wrote back.
--I'm too busy now...
I wonder if you even got it? Or was it lost...
--But I love this show...
Or was your response lost to me?
No postal man can take the blame for my own selfishness.
And its 1:45 AM.
And I'm reading your slow demise.
Thanksgiving is coming. Will you be there?
And its 1:50 AM.
And I'm dieing to be home.
Christmas is coming. Will you recognize it?
And its 1:55 AM.
And I'm regretting the past month.
And I'm remembering how one year ago, I wondered how long you'd be here.
And its 2:12 AM.
And I'm wondering how long you'll be here?
And if its too late to say "I'm sorry."
It's 2:21.
I'm realizing the chance to say goodbye may have already come and gone.
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