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refreshingsolitude
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Name: Hannah
Birthday: 12/19/1983
Interests: telling stories.
friends. conversations.
travel.
long walks.
Panama.
adventures.
forgiveness.
good books.
time alone.
[justice, mercy & humility]
the ocean.
expatriates.
sunsets.
deserts.
full moons.
children.
the beach.
tin roofs.
laughter.
whoever I happen to be talking to...
Expertise: day dreaming
Occupation: student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
2/9/2005
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| thinking about moving to D.C.I've been doing a lot of thinking this week. I was thinking about certain "rights of passage" that we celebrate in life. I think some of them are rightly celebrated in community and others are not so publicized and yet they are just as important. I don't know if I can give any good examples right at this moment, I was just thinking about that.
This week I have been exploring a place where I might end up living. I've been thinking about what I'd want to avoid if I lived here (some of the patters of behavior that just aren't cool) and some of the things that I really want to enjoy. I was thinking about how good I am at being "new" and how terrible I am at making the step from being "new" to becoming something of a fixture. I pray that God would be good to me this time and help me make that transition as smoothly as possible (it will always be difficult but, I don't have to make it any harder on myself that it already is).
Um... lots of thoughts... but, I still need to process most of them before I start writing them down here...
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| this was written on FridayWhat should we do with conflicting emotions? Today was a day of conflicting emotions. Sheer happiness at lovely weather and utter confusion at my internal state of being. I think that these awful states of mind pass and I'm inclined to just wait for it. I cannot concentrate very well when I'm like this. I cannot think about much of anything very clearly.
I guess I forget that waiting is not the same as giving up. Waiting is ok sometimes. I just don't know when to push myself and when I need to stop and wait until I'm in a better place. Unfortunately there is no key or simple solution to how humans actually work.
I get frustrated with my humanness and compare it to everyone else's. Except that I do it only in part and I imagine that everyone else as less difficulties than I do (which is probably not true at all) and I find myself comparing and comparisons are the most awful things in the world. So, this is when I cry out that God have mercy on my poor miserable soul and that He help me keep my eyes on Him.
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| use your words...Have you ever been around a parent with a young child who is learning to talk? There have been lots of times that I've been around parents with young children who already know some words and so when the baby cries instead of saying that they want a cracker the parent will say "Use your words!"
I feel like a young child who needs someone to tell her to "Use your words". It's odd. I feel like I revert into myself at times and it is at those times that I need the most help to just use my words to talk it out and figure out what of what is going on inside of me is valid and what I really need to get over.
I have a hard time "using my words" so I spit them up in print or on the screen. Maybe it is a good alternative in the mean time...
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| dreams are so strange...Last night I had a really strange dream. Towards the beginning of the dream I was standing in line with my mom and dad to check in at an airport. I don't know where we were going but, we were standing there. I had to fill out some type of immigration form where I had to put my "home" address. I started writing one and scratched it out, I started writing another and scratched it out, pretty soon I had scratched out most of the paper and I was very upset because I didn't know what to put on the form. My mom was standing next to me, she was able to fill out the paper but she didn't have enough money to pay the exit fee.
She looked at me and said, "Hannah, do you have any money?" I started rooting around in my bag and I realized that I didn't have all that much. "How much is it?" I asked. My mom said, "53 dollars". I had just enough cash to pay for myself. I was getting even more frustrated as I looked through my bag and couldn't believe that I had forgotten to get cash when I found my check book. Oh good! I don't usually take my checkbook with me because I'm afraid of what might happen with it if it gets stolen. I was able to fill out the check and then my dream faded into the next dream...
Most of the night I was wandering around a big city with three other people trying to get home. We weren't lost (at least we didn't feel lost) but, it was taking forever and it was a really long night. I think I was with Andrew and I don't know who the other two people were. We were getting on and off of the metro at all of these really strange stops. It was as if the city had such a complicated transportation system. The four of us at times would be all alone in a metro car and at times some stranger would walk onto the same car.
At the end of the dream we got off on this wooden platform in the midst of the woods. It was very dark (our travels had taken all night). We got off and sad their waiting for the next metro-train until we realized that we were only a few blocks away from the place where it stayed. So, we started walking down the hill and back up the other hill that would take us home. As we were walking the other two that were with us went on ahead and then (I think it was Andrew) I realized that I had left my computer bag at the platform. So, terrified that it would be lost I rushed back to the platform. The two of us were walking back up the dark hill and felt like someone was following us.
It was scary. We were very close to the platform and I looked over and saw that the person in the shadows had a police hat, huge sunglasses, and a stick. We were frightened but when I looked closer I realized that the person was just a young, petite girl. She was trying to get to the platform before we did but, we spoke to her firmly and kind of scared her away. I ran and my bag was still sitting on the platform. I opened it up and my computer wasn't in it. I froze, thinking that maybe someone had already gone and taken it or that I had left it in someone else's bag. It didn't matter, we had to get home because it was too late to be walking around. We started walking home and I started thinking about all the things that I would have lost if I couldn't find my computer... then I woke up.
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| spiritual narratives....Today started out with the early morning breakfast shift. I LOVE the morning shift. There's something peaceful about it. Roger is great. He doesn't talk to you for the first 30 minutes or so and then (when you've woken up more) he'll start chatting with you about life and all sorts of interesting things. It's good therapy for anyone especially for people like me when we're in odd moods like I've been in the past few days.
After breakfast we went to class and talked about BRASIL! It was great. I really want to learn Portuguese and I'd love to go to Brasil sometime. It's fun to see Cindy excited about a place and people that she loves very much. We spent a lot of time talking about food, which was funny but really cool at the same time. Food has become a much more important topic of conversation for me while I've been here.
After class I went into Easton, it was a lovely spring-like day, and walked around with Ali and Vicky (who was visiting for the weekend) until we decided to eat lunch at Todd's Market. After lunch we walked over to Coffee East and I tried to read "Coming to Peace with Science" but was a little too sleepy. I just closed my eyes and let my thoughts wander. They haven't been very organized these days.
We got back to Osprey Point in time for a lecture from Roman Williams about "Spiritual Narratives in Everyday Life" we chatted about the recent Pew Report and talked about new paradigms in religion 1) Permeable Boundaries 2) Portable Practices and Narratives 3) Dynamic Religion and Spirituality. It was really cool and refreshing in a lot of ways.
I have so much writing to do and so much I want to read. I feel like a failure because I've read so much less recently than I've wanted to.
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