this is my escape

i think its time that i write something, something meaningful.  i have that feeling that something is just not right, and from past experience, i have found that writing alleviates this feeling. i dont know why, and i dont know how, but writing helps.  i dont quite know what i even want to write about but well... im writing.  the past week for me has been a week filled with feelings of nostalgia, countless hours spent reminiscing of days gone by, and of memries made.  of friendships formed, and of friendships left to hang in the balance. friendships torn apart by time, by distance, literally and metaphorically and by trivial and or meaningful differences.  whether or not i should be concerning myself with these things is beside the point because obviously i already am.  now all that remains is to untangle the web of confusion surrounding these thoughts and to make sense of the conclusions i arrive that. however, i must point out, such a task is much easier said than done. 

part 1
one of the emotions that has been consuming me lately is that of nostalgia.  a longing for the days gone by. oddly enough, high school and all the times had, both good and bad, moves to the forefront of that list.  those four years, for me, were remarkably carefree.  high school seemed more like a day care for big kids rather than a place for education and betterment of the individual.   the way you were determined the friends you had and the friends you had determined the way you were.  the friends you had also determined the experience you had and the experience you had determined the person you became.  the person you became is the person  you are now and the person you are now determines .... etc etc. its a never ending cycle.  so, should we concern ourselves with the way others think of us? no, we should concern ourselves with the way we are, the way we act, because that is what determines what others think about us.  and , as i already mentioned, what others think about us, not desirably but inevitably, determines so much of our lives. 
all that to say, i miss the people that i did not have to act a particular way around just to ensure that they accepted me.  i miss the people that i had already went through that stage with and had already moved on to the 'real friend' stage of the relationship. i miss my friends from home. i miss home.

part 2
the reminiscing of the past has occupied a great deal of my time in the past few days.  the randomness of high school, the late nights and early mornings, the unbelievable amount of outrageously riduculous situations my friends and i got ourselves into and the even more unbelievable solutions we concocted to get ourselves out of those situations brought endless enjoyment and amusement to my life. (sorry about the run on sentence, it sounded cool in my head)  despite the trouble sometimes brought about by the things we somehow managed to find ourselves in was far outwayed by the fun we had while it was going on.  high school was a play ground and the teachers were the recess aids that sometimes made you stand against the wall but nothing bad ever really resulted, the next day you were right back to doing whatever it was that got you in 'trouble' the day before.  thats how carefree the high school experience was for me.  and i miss it. oh how i miss it.  the work was easy and the fun was incredible

part 3
all the friends i had in high school really were friends, not just people i knew and saw every now and then.  they were people that listened, and people that i wanted to listen to.  they were people that actually cared and that i cared about.  it seems as though people that care have become such a rarity recently.  i long for a friend that will listen, that cares about me and that i care about but they are all halfway across the country, spread out between countless schools and all i can do is dwell on the fact that i miss them tremendously. So for now, I live for the breaks; fall, winter, and spring.  And summer is to die for 

ok, that’s it.  I can only be so incredibly introspective for short periods of time.  So until next time….
the end.

yea i like people at home better
this college thing sucks
the people suck
the classes suck
the work sucks
and i miss home

hmmm i should update
















there

updated














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