Currently Listening Power, Corruption & Lies By New Order Age of Consent see related

 we can watch the world devoured

physical distance. i just want to touch my books. just to touch.

this is the difference between us.

through Dissolution, onto Separation. truly, knee-deep in all that sorting air. it's so relaxing to let the feminine in. i know lovely women who cry daily, and i will not be ashamed of doing the same (the goal, at least).

being so far from my love is proving painful. catch up. how else am i to grow resilient? how else will i learn proper strength?

let. there is nothing to be sure of.

"....the components of the polluted solution from Dissolution are separated out by filtration, cutting, settling, or agitation with air. Any ingenuine or unworthy material is then discarded- the most basic constituents of the matter at hand are revealed."

Who is aware, Brianne?                                           

Currently Listening Queens of the Stone Age - Rated R By Queens of the Stone Age see related

 mercury lulled

i am losing it. emotionally handicapped. god damn.

ummm......???? a bee colony has taken refuge within my various inards. they are so busy these mornings. building, living, etc. i don't have anything to share.

i couldn't sleep for twitching hands forced into idleness. buzz buzz buzz buzz...... i drew out many triangles and squares. and then triangles within squares. whatever happened to focus on the rotund? eh? quick and to the pointlessness. and THEN my lady rang and i accomplished more sobbing. it's better to leave me out of it. she won.

ahem. i would so much prefer just a simple uneasiness. just simple.

like a mirror. i finally burned myself at work. i am immensely proud of my own wound dressing. my own nurse. ha.

i tired of the study so soon. i'm absolutely lost. yesterday. whoa.

love love

it poured all day.
i wouldn't know where to begin.
i don't know how to change things.
i don't know how to protect others from this.
i don't understand this sort of insanity.
i don't know how to relax right now.
all i can do is cry.
i hate feeling so small and helpless.
i can't.
i'm not as strong as i claim to myself.
i'm not that great. even for me.
sigh.
i don't have the energy to be enticed and impassioned at this.
i don't know where to go.
i don't know.
i can't.

this is brownness. how ugly of us all. i don't remember feeling this close to the ground always. i don't remember at least knowing. at least creating. i don't remember. i miss my fantasies.......this is a death. i am in mourning.

black.

black.

black is best.

i want to be alone.

Currently Listening Silent Shout By The Knife Neverland see related

feeling amaryllis

this makes my mind go every which-way. he has some piece that you're meant to put your hands to. a bridge for the concrete. i wonder what colors and stories he's brimming with. it's the mannered precision.

i cannot seem to breathe good sound. i don't know what to do or where i can go. let's do as the Medici did. take me to some Boticelli, please. i'd like to ponder creation for just a few moments.

repetition. i can't beat you. i've tried. isn't that already on the list? whipping, yelling, and uh...repetition? yes. i've recently grown overly smitten with the circle. i couldn't say much else.

they always leave off on giving me this horribly dissonant feeling. i'm going to push all that away, forever now. no more. forget all that. i crave fat beats so often now. again, where will i go for it? i am grown so deadened to that which at one time found me so well. i must manage some bit of abstinence, i believe. overindulgence cannot be the death of me.

i'm frightened by the total goal