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rhodeislandspecial
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Name: Aiden
Gender: Male
Interests: finger painting, tasteful nudity, corn rows, and carnies.
Expertise: Pointing out ugly people.
Occupation: Life Judge
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/6/2006
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| Cinco De BeeroAnother Cinco De Mayo has come and I some how could not pass up the opportunity to indulge in the alcohol.
The night started off with me meeting up with Mike, I know Mike right. He is on a break from school. He had a friend there which happened to actually be a friend of Katie's from college (undergrad). Anyway I really didn't learn much about the kid because I couldn't understand him and didn't want to. He said he lived in Wilmington but then he said he was from Massachusetts, I tried to clear it up, I clearly didn't. "Jennifer" from Charlay trip showed up and Katie eventually showed up and then took Mike, Jennifer and I were left standing by ourselves. We decided to head over the Irish pub, what better place to celebrate a Mexican Holiday.
We waited there for my friend (Lana) and (Alyson) we waited a long time for those bitches. I started getting tipsy and tried to convince Jennifer she should be a city planner which was one of my original life plans. It seemed like a great way to accomplish one of my goals...have a friend do it! It didn't work, she wanted to punch me I think. Lana and Alyson eventually showed up and we had a good time talk about everything and attempting to call Whitley but that bitch didn't answer the phone....
Eventually it was time to go and we all headed our separate ways, I was not smart enough to go to the bathroom at the bar so I had to do the pee dance all the way home. Which is ironic because I totally road the bus today with a guy who smelled like urine and I was like how does that happen...clearly he doesn't know how to do the pee dance.
So I made it home, and I am happy for the conversation, and for the laughs and for the friends. I suppose the only thing to do is thank Mexico for this wonderful holiday.. It makes you wonder why as Americans we as a people are trying to build a fence to keep out the people who brought us Tequila, sombreros and Taco Bell....such a shame...
Happy Cinco de Mayo
Don't forget to vote Whitley and Kurt.
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| SkybusWith my new favorite airline now going bankrupt, I have decided that it will simply to costly to visit my friends in NC and of course visit my favorite place to eat (Bojangles). The only solution I can think of at the moment is to buy into the franchise and open my own Bojangles here... .As for my friends...well I'll work on that one.
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| My life's just fine fine fine fine fine fine fine.I can't begin to tell anyone how excited I am about this next step in my life. I moved out here 5 years ago, and with the help of a very caring and gracious friend, had a cheap and comfortable place to stay. Although my original intentions were to work for a year, apply to school and be done with this place, life took a rather unusual course. The first 3 years I met a lot of good people, but hated where I was. That eventually came to a complete stop as I no longer had to worry about where I was working. My life at that point was an empty slate, and prospects seemed pretty thin. Then a few months into the debacle I landed a great job, once again with the help of two great friends, one who got my foot in the door, and the other who provided an outstanding reference. Two years since the reality check my life is completely full, and I feel so very blessed. God helped get me through some of the worst times I have experienced in this short life. My future seems very bright at this point, and I owe it all too him and my learning to understand that I can't be in complete control. I was accepted to school this week so it's almost like I have come full circle. I can't imagine though how empty my life would be now if I wouldn't have had the experiences and met all the great people I now call friends. Through this I have learned that everything happens for a reason, friends who support you no matter what are priceless, that better days are always on the horizon and that vodka will always be my favorite drink.
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| Part Two Drunk and DisorderlyWe pulled up to the first bar in an immaculate SUV, I would tell you the type of vehicle but I was already a little tipsy. I did however take note of Kurt pointing out a friends house that we would be visiting later on in the day. We stepped out of the vehicle the tinted windows blinding us from the common folk, they all watched as we stepped out, I could already see they were jealous. Who wouldn't be, I had stuffed dollar store ponchos in my ass allowing me to have a J-Lo Booty, a bubble shamrock was hanging from my neck like any well placed bling should be and I had the confidence of a whore at a frat party. Of course my posse was also rocking their shot glass necklaces, dollar store cameras and perhaps most importantly more little shot bottles of vodka.
The first bar we actually never entered, there were hundreds of people and tents. We eventually made it in to Kurt and Whitley's friends who were in charge of the event. We got the hook up from them.... beer koozies, glitter hats and more beads. After about what I assume drunk time would be 15 minutes it began to storm. We were safely inside one of the large tents with a bar less than 2 feet from us, so there was no need to be concerned. Slowly though we grew tired of the place and knew we had a mission to complete. I then sacrificed my Jo-Lo booty gave everyone a poncho and we headed to the next bar. It was also at this time that we began to start toasting and saying "safety on 3" it was an old cheer made up when we used to bust meth labs that were located close to schools...
From what I remember at the next bar we walked in and were handed beers, I believed someone paid for them. I quickly attempted to shove everyone's ponchos back in my ass....because clearly that was important... and I was then handed a shot of something I have never had before, it tasted good so I didn't mind. The next thing I remember we were all dancing on stage, Kurt was trying to be Michael Jackson or Usher by flipping his plastic glitter hat on his foot and back on his head, but really all he was doing was throwing the hat on the ground. I of course was trying to pull off the Justin Timberlake look, which pictures would later prove that I did not come close... we will just leave it at that. Just then the shots and beer seemed to take full effect; Jennifer and Kurt began doing the oompa loompa dance, Whitley jumped behind a screen and did a stripper dance, a 5'8 leprechaun was riding a bull in slow motion and Jennifer began pointing and laughing at the TV screen that was providing directions as to what to do in the TORNADO WARNING... I began to laugh too...what a funny thing to have on a tv in a bar...just then we decided to go to the next bar...it was really windy and raining pretty hard.
I remember going to the next bar and having drinks..it was crowded and we were in a basement.... I think there was music... I had my glitter hat and I blew some shamrock bubbles at people.. .we then left and I guess we went to another bar that was upstairs... I met a girl, got her phone number, her name was Yarissa...I asked her if that was her dirty whore bar name, she replied "Would I make that up?" I said, "yes.", I told her I would meet her later. Around the same time Whitley and Jennifer decided to join Kurt and me in the bathroom, as the women's bathroom had a line. (As a side note many women don't know this but the bathroom line curse was actually one of the punishments that God gave Eve as a result of eating the apple, bitch should have known better). I told other girls that entered that they would get venereal diseases if they tried to use the stall that I used, that's always a good way to get the ladies, why I was promoting that the stall I had may have had a venereal disease I do not know... I am clean... I think... Shortly after we met up with one of Whitley's coworkers, and Jennifer met up with Mr. Senegal. Now I think Kurt and Whitley may have told Mr. Senegal about Jennifer prior to the crawl but I could care less all I know is that the man was a bar back and was providing us with free alcohol. We decided to leave... well I didn't I just followed people.
We ended up at another bar for two seconds, I remember holding Whitley's coworkers hands. I don't know if I was thinking I would hook up with her or if I just needed the stability. I actually can't remember the girl's name, or what she looked like..hopefully she was decent looking. We then walked outside and I smelled bojangles.
Of course we went to bojangles. I tried ordering the picnic basket meal again, but Whitley pretty much pointed out that I was retarded and possibly drunk. She ordered a breast and a biscuit, I was amazed that such a thing could be done, it was like finding out that Santa really did exsist. I ordered the same thing as did everyone else in our group this was due to the fact that we were all too drunk to read the menu. I did order mashed potatoes and gravy as well though..... after licking the bones...we went to Kurt's coworkers house.
This is where the story gets shameful...
I peed in some bushes, kurt was there too I believe, but I really thought it was a great location to have a pee spot. I was told when I exited, the bushes hit my hand and I told people I had washed them.
We arrived at the friend's house, we had jello shots, I was told I wasn't smoking the hookah properly and I needed to hold the smoke in longer. Apparently this may be a good idea if you aren't drinking all day....WARNING holding hookah smoke in and drinking all day may cause severe vertigo and lack of judgment.. The next thing I remember was attempting to clean up my puke from their deck and after feeling ashamed for having done that I decided I would call it a night and walk back to the hotel. Luckily, Whitley (so glad she understands my special needs) had written the address and room number on my arm hours prior and I remembered Kurt pointing out earlier that his friends lived down the hill from the hotel we were staying at (I would find out the next morning this was another group of friends...who knew he had more groups of friends??) So I attempted to walk the wrong way to our hotel and noticed my cell phone missing, I guess at this time my friends (God Bless them) had done everything except issue an Amber Alert. My stumbling eventually brought me back to my phone... and my friends too..
The rest of the night seemed to be a whirl of things.. .. there are huge gaps missing but from what I can recall and put together from phone entries the following occurred:
9:50pm: I text messaged Coco saying "let's fuck"
9:50 and 2 seconds: She wrote "no"
9:55pm: I called her and explained we would.
10:00pm: I sent a text to Yarissa "where u at" she surprisingly never responded..perhaps because she didn't know who the fucks number that was!
10:02pm :I text Coco again "we will fuck"...she was in Chicago by the way..she did not respond.
There were a couple more bars we hit and eventually we ended up at an 80's bar. The dancing helped, but the last song we danced to was footloose and I got a little carried away. I believe I may have looked like a homeless retard on crack. We made our way out of the bar, danced in the parking lot for a while, sang songs and then Kurt and I had a discussion as to why he should vote. All things good drunks do. I was told I kept repeating the fact that I was glad I got my second wind...which I am because we hit a majority of the bars we had on our list... and thankfully I puked and rallied. Our night concluded with ordering pizza and passing out instantly.
(my barack moment)
You know they say it couldn't be done... They said Charlotte just didn't have it in them.. They said people will never come together to help unite this country... but people around the country said...YES WE CAN...and that's exactly what we did...we came together united...(yes we can...yes we can...yes we can..) and we beat the record of the world's largest bar crawl...beating Nova Scotia...and to that I say..fuck you Novia Scotia.. fuck you...
I encourage you all to travel to Char-Lay next year for the crawl.
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| Why my liver and Nova Scotia hate me.There comes a time when you need to get out of your cave and see some new things. This opportunity presented itself when my friends invited us down to Charlay this past weekend, to be apart of history! We were to be participants in the World's Largest Bar Crawl. In order to protect my friends anonymity we will call them Kurt and Whitley Johnston.
The trip began like any other...desperate to get out of the City of Brotherly Love you get stuck in traffic for over an hour. My friend we will call her "Jennifer" picked me up at 4 and we didn't arrive to the airport in New Castle, DE until 5:45, this wouldn't have caused us to shit ourselves had the flight not been leaving at 6:01pm. Luckily this airport only services one airline. We went to check in but there was no one at the service counter...the little man who ran hertz and avis rental car booths (don't ask me to tell you how that works) told us they were most likely outside helping to get the passengers off the flight that just came in?? He told us to leave a note on the desk with the cars information and it would be fine?? Whatever we were in a hurry so we did as we were told. Getting through security was interesting as well, the man was so excited see human beings that he ran through the whole procedure with us, all I kept thinking was "I am sorry Barney Fife but I don't have time for this I have a plane to catch and alcohol to drink, now get the hell out of my way!!!"
Our flight was very enjoyable, it was a brand new giant aircraft and we had room to move around. All the airline personnel wore t-shirts with "flight attendant" written on the back. Halfway through the flight they came on the loud speaker trying to sell us jewelry and cologne as we could buy it from them and not pay taxes as we were flying over so many states...I really can't complain the round trip ticket was around $100.00. Besides our friends (we thought) had flown this before so we knew we were safe.
We arrived...well made it to N.C. but our trip had only just begun, we weren't really aware that the Johnston's had driven an hour and a half to come get us. (Next time we will rent a car). They were a little late and told me they didn't know where to meet us as they had never been there before.. (I got confused). I asked Whitley about the comment and found out they will be flying later this year. I am so glad fate worked out so well and we didn't have to ride down with chickens and goats on our lap. We hopped in the car for the ride, but not to worry we had a lot to talk about and the Johnston's brought with them snacks and traveling games. Theses games included a variety pack of the mini-smirnoff vodka bottles, a diet coke, and half a bottle of gatorade.....we were living the high life. I tend not to drink as a passenger in the car, but Kurt, an expert in all things related to alcohol, recited to us a law that said we could...ok then.
Kurt drove us to the FIRST EVER Bojangles, and as I could write an entire book on Bojangles I will simply just state it is like Heaven on Earth... Granted we were still drunk with the exception of Kurt, so we tore through the "picnic" meal which included a shit load of food and a half gallon of sweet tea! You have got to love the south... at some point we noticed the Sheriff in the corner yet I continued to say something about getting high...on life.
The Johnston's home provided a bit of a rest from the road and more vodka for our system. We had a small dance party involving the new Mary J song (which ended up being the weekends theme song), and then struck out to the Johnston's friends place in Uptown Charlay.
The B's have an amazing place with a spectacular view. We went to their condo's game floor and began to play cards, we were trying to get a game of asshole started. After the second round we were told we were playing UNO..who knew...due to our inability to pay attention let alone hold the cards in our hands, we decided to play kings...although the rules I think favored the women more than men because I remember having to drink because I was a guy any time a card below 10 was pulled....this is not a complaint. It was also at this time the Mr. B told us he would be the real life leprechaun on the bar crawl tomorrow. (The man is about 5'10, brown hair and glasses...he looks nothing like a leprechaun...when you're sober).
After the B's we continued our mission of all trying to have a heart attack before the age of the 30 by stopping at Wendy's...mm mmm good. I stated that I needed Bojangles biscuits n Gravy in the morning and that I planned to sleep in... I tend to become a bossy asshole when I am drunk....well I am all the time, but I get worse..
9:30 am ... I am awake..WTF? I wanted to sleep in....god I'm old... but there were Bojangles biscuits n gravy so life is good.
Noon.... let the drinking begin.
12:30 have two shots
12:40 watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for the Augustus Gluup dance...it's a tradition don't knock it.
1pm leave for the world's largest bar crawl!
This is where everything gets sketchy so it's the perfect place for this:
To Be continued..............
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