| HIGH TIME
Tomorrow comes trouble
Tomorrow comes pain
Now don't think too hard, baby
'Cause you know what I'm saying
I could show you a high time
Living the good life
Don't be that way
Nothing's for certain
It could always go wrong
Come in when it's raining
Go on out when it's gone
We could have us a high time
Living the good life
Well I know.
--Grateful Dead
  
We all meet people that endlessly impact our lives, we meet people, greet people, keep people, and stray or stay. We've all done it, and we've all surely made lasting impressions on people and, in turn, had them made on ourselves. The types of impacts that denote the ability to not see or speak to somebody for a long duration of time, see them, and it feels like you never left their side. No questions asked, just pure appreciation. After over a year of no communication, while I was in West Virginia, I noticed a pug dog nearing the road that I was driving on, Emerson. I looked up, and saw who I thought to be, Michelle Griggs ; my Sweetcheeks. I followed her, to be sure, and yes, I was correct. Who could forget that face and swagger?
We hung out, which was incredible, played pool, shot the shit, and enjoyed eachother, understanding eachother, like the, "good ol' days." We've continued to talk, since my return to New York, and I feel that this post, this update, is necessary towards both of our lives, at this point. I've tracked down a lot of old journal entries for you, Michelle, so that it can take you back, as it has for me, to a time where freedom was available, and no worries present. These are some of the best times we had, documented, anyway, LOL. I love you, truly, I do.
The Memories :
( The words in ()'s are my personal
recollections, funny to read, but meant
for Michelle's enjoyment. The words after
the dates, are entries written by Michelle <3 )
  
November 5th 2003 : hmmm. .. well. I'm gonna miss Jake when he transfers to South. We have had so much fun cruising at lunch allll year looong. What am I gonna do? I guess me and Courtney are just gonna have to go to The Pizza Place and chain smoke with the rest of the losers. Gawd. Why. Por Que? I DON'T WANT HIM TO GO!!!! Gawd.I thought Courtney and I were gonna cry today during lunch. I knew there was something I wanted to say at lunch, but I kept thinking and thinking but i couldn't remember then I was like "I remember! I'm gonna miss this. i'm gonna miss cruising at lunch." Oh it was such a moment. It's not like Jake's dying. I dunno. I just hate change.
November 11th 2003 : Well today was ok. actuallt today was great in a way. Me courtney and Kelly got to chill. They're my girls. We had so much fun. We almost hit 2 deer, a car, 2 mailboxes, a person, and oh yeah A TRAIN holy shit it was so scary. I had fun just chillin with the girls I can't complain about nothing really. We hit up the Pike like 3 or 4 times. So hey how could that not be a good day?
( The train almost hit US, by the way. I do believe we were too focused on that myth, trying to fix the screw in the car, and lifting our feet up, over the tracks, so we wouldn't get pregnant, haha. Now, THAT'S birth control for you. )
  
November 12th 2003 : Courtney- Thanx for being so Ga-ad damned sexy...thanx for listening.
( I put this is here for my own personal enjoyment, mwahahahaha. Remember the Jenna Jameson comparison? I do believe you told me I looked like Lucielle Ball. Ass. )
  
November 16th 2003 : Jammed with courtney today. We're so cool omg were so cool. (LMAO) I played Patience and some dixie chicks songs, foofighters, Pink Floyd....what have you. Gawd it was awesome to sing and get that emotion out. Courtney and I have these talks and I want her to know so much about me . I awlways have so much to say to her b/c it's stuff I always wanna say but I trust her. It's like talking to myself. I even like listening to her. I talked to her from like 10:30 to 2 am the other night, but that really wasn't either of our decisions. I never thought I'd meet anyone that would have a past like mine, but I think Courtney might be that person. I love ya Candypants!!!
November 18th 2003 : Me and Courtney talked forever last night. I love her. I can't explain shit to her, but she understands.Now that's a crazy ass connection.
( This is true. )
  
November 24th 2003 : yeah Courtney and I were having some fun last night doing things like dancing to Get Low and staring at the carpet. We were up untill about 6 am. I'm defintly draggin ass today. It's worth it though. I'm ready for a day of rest. I miss my guitar. The past few nights have been a blur, but I kow they were fun and i know I'm happpy right now and that's ll that matters, Right? Right!
( Ha, good thing the music level was at a minumum. We were surely creatures of the night. )
  
December 17th 2003 : Courtney and I are thinking seriously about this apartment thing. It would be awesome. I know courtney and I could live together. And I trust her cause I love my Candypants. I just don't know how we're gonna do it. The day will come. I just don't want my dad's prediction's to come true. "Just wait till you get out there in the real world. It's gonna eat you alive" Don't you love how honest and uhh HARSH he is? Yeah well I don't.
( We are the people that our parents warned us about. )
  
December 31, 2003 : well last night will go donw in history (like rudolph) yeah holy shit we got down to the rudolph song...haha Well I'm not gonna try to exlain this stuff to you cause i' m not even sure i understand it myself- but we for sure had some great bonding moments last night....I'll just throw out some quotes from last night and early today for you to ponder
" This life is too short and this world is so big like why stay in WEst Virginia?"
"be real or dont be you"
"that quote from that queen song is my shit ya know anyway the wind blows doesnt really matter to me...yeah give me whats rel and ill go with it but dont leave me with unaswered questions and lies cause thats what's not right"
"let's do yoga...I wanna go to the ommelette shoppe"
"dude I'm wasted"
"are we closer to deer or cows? really?"
"the matrix cha cha cha"
"here's you song joe" "why because it says mexico?" "no, b/c its called mexicali blues"
"it'll me 2004 pretty soon...the year we graduate...I'll never thought life lasted this long...this is really just the beginning.....thats pretty fucking awesome"
"this cold weather sux...thats why I wanna go south or not north maybe east or west just not north"
( Yeah, and you and Katherine broke the radio and blamed in on Joe. I do believe you forgot to mention the fact that I was so right about something....VULVA. The VULVA is in your crotch, you, Katherine AND Halstead swore up and down that I was wrong, and that it was the thing hanging in the back of your throat, which is the UVULA (sp?) Now, we know who was right...ME, haha. )
  
January 14th 2004 : I'm sure I will someday. I plan on moving around and being a little gypsy. Or as Court would say "show hoppin hippie" ' love court! I had the greatest talk with this chick today. God I love her. She is really one of hte greatest people I've ever met. She's so gentle and open minded and goofy and sweet and encouraging. I did my wake up and live thing to her and we about creid. We like hugged and had this moment. Wow. Well today was chillin. For damn sure.
  
January 17th 2004 : I'm at Court's right now. Holy shit we almost died so many times. My steering wheel like came apart and got stuck to wear I couldn't turn the wheel and we went in the other lane of traffic, headined right for the grave yard. I should probably go fix that right now, but damn it's cold out there. I fish tailed on the waqy in town. I'm sure the roads are worse now I don't know if I even want to leave.
Did I mention that Court brought Arlo out here today while we cleaned th yard? Well I swear it was like the best day of maddy's life. She was so happy with Arlo. He wasl like WTF id up with this dog? Maddy was attacking Arlo, but she was like making out with his face. I think she raped him maybe. Whatever she was doing to that poor dog, she ruffed him up big time.Maddy's a hard ass. Later!
( my poor dog, thats all I have to say.... )
  
  
January 20th 2004 : Holy shit man. I will NEVER be the same. Courtney and I had one helluva night Sunday, I think, maybe mostly monday oh fuck. Well just way too much happened. I know shit was insane, but I can't really remember. I tried to explain all damn night but I for some reason was never satisfied with my explaination of the struggle occuring in my mind. I think I will forever be doing this crazy Jonny Depp shit with my hands. I like saw myslef the way other people saw me and I have a lot of childish fears and a lot of things I block out evidently because they all smacked me in the face. I actually thought about going back to NA and trying this time, I 'll decide about that later. Thats another fault of mine I discovered, I put things off. We went outside and walked through crunchy mudd and hopped over ice glaciers. "It's like I'm on the brink of something" I saw my whole concept of life in a long thought out process. I couldn't tell ya if it was good or bad. It was just something else, to be exact.
OK. We wrecked. We're all ok though. Thats good. But I'll tell ya, Bub is great. He really pulled his ass together and fixed it after the wreck. And Bartlett is "something impossible to grasp" He kept me together with all the cops, vans trying to run me over, and a blonde airhead trying to explain shit to me when I can't even understand wether I'm dreaming or it was reality. Courtney couldn't tell if she liked cinnamon or not. I will forever have so much respect for those boys. They are up there on my people I love and never wanna lose list. Courtney is "the final peice of the puzzle" Court-"what puzzle?" Me-"the puzzle of my fucking mind!" I'm not even gonna say I hope b/c I know we will always be freinds. After everything we went through, yeah. I can't explain the heaviness on my heart knowing her head was doing the same twisted stuff mine was. And she better have a lot of respect for me for manuevering my big ass truck to her house so she could sleep when my hands melted into everything I touched. yeah. Wow. Experience that's all I can say. Next time it'll be hot outside and I'll make sure I have a clear conscience Holy shit. Too many worries and too much repetitive contradiction.
( That night def. went down in the history books, LOL. Your explanation above, is pure genious! I remember the beginning of that night, "...and think, Michelle, this is JUST the beginning.... did you find your flame? " LMAO. Too many memories for that night to even explain.... and I did respect you for driving under that condition...I was moreso glad you didn't hit a car. OH and THE GUM IN THE KITCHEN!!!! )
  
January 26th 2004 : Around 2 I decided I could not stay in this house any longer. so I went over to Court's. We basically sat, smoked Vagina Slimes, and talked forever. Hey that's what we do.
  
January 29th 2004 : Shitty, shitty, day. I went to Court's for lunch and almost slid over her hill. So I was afraid to go back out the driveway and i skipped the rest of the day. Ugh. I am so sick of that truck. It's cost wayyy too much in gas and it is uncontrollable in snow. Court and I chilled, got down to some Pat Benatur, Paula Cole, Jimi, tootsie roll, the roots, the dead. What a variety, ehh?
( Shit, that truck was awesome while it lasted - I learned how to drive on the highway with that beast. "Michelle, what if I get scared and want to pull over?" You replied, "You just keep fuckin' truckin' dude!!! hahahaha... the shit that was in that truck? Only God can say. )
  
January 31st 2004 : Around 1, Court and I ventured to the basement and talked up a fucking storm. We're goofballs. I'm not even gonna epeat the shit we talked about. Our conversations were interrupted by "erry, erry. erry" Figure that one out. Damn duplexes. I'm in pain, but I'm getting back to buffness. I've come to a turning point in life.
( I found it funny that everyone in that house was riding the hobby horse, and we were using their tunes, unintentionally, for backround music. )
February 9th 2004 : My mom taught me two good things 1) don't trust ANYONE. 2) how to blow a killer shotgun. I didn't like her that much so I trust one person and that's Courtney. I trust no one else. Sure I'll hang out, party down with them, but they will never ever know my past or my future. Basically it's one for all around here. You really gotta watch your own back and no one else's cause they're not watching yours.
  
February 25th 2004 : I've have the shortest amount of time to save my ass and graduate and all I really worry about is going to festivals and Courtney and I's birthday party, which is gonna be dank by the way. I vow to study my ass off then party my ass off. It scares me how nothing ever phases me. No matter what situation I'm in, I'm always ok with it. I've gone through some crazy shit to get like this, but I always understand and I always feel some closure about everything. I could make the most of living in a van down by the river, but I don't want to. I'm sick of life pushing me along. I'm sick of being so lazy.I'm ready to do something with my self. I just dont know what it is. Whatever it is, I'll still be the same old Michelle.
( I love this. Our priorites were so fucked, LMAO. )
  
February 28th 2004 : Today was just great. Courtney and I borrowed my mom's van and drove to Pomeroy to visit her gramma and her uncle steve. I love her gramma. She made us one helluva meal. Gramma's are the best cooks ever. Any chance you get to eat anyone's grama's food take it. Unless she's blind and uses the wrong ingredients. That could be a bad thing. but yeah her gramma is amazing and her house is beautiful. It's seriously one of the coolest houses I've ever been in. Ok scratch that it is the coolest house I've ever been in. Then we went across the river to her grandpa's. He owns this place called the funny farm. That place is my new home. It's the most brilliant idea for a barn Ive ever seen. It's an awesome hang out place. Karaoke, pool, darts, dance floor, stage, all kinds of shit and fucking foozball. He took is on a tour of the property in his little four wheeler thing. I thought Courtney and I were for sure gonna fly out of that thing. It was chillin though. We went to the ruins of Courtney's old place. I had so much fun and her family are some really cool people. I love them alot. So we explored her old stomping grounds and we had to atleast drive through mine. Don't take 124 into coolville. The road ends.
( That was a visit to remember. I hardly share that part of my past with anyone, and you've been, still, the only one to completely experience that. The other day, when I was over there, my Uncle pulled out the, "PLU," poster. That's just love, man. )
  
March 21st 2004 : I went and saw Uncle Steve and Gramma. I have such an awesome connection with Steve.Knowing that he will be taken from us so soon would make some people wish they never got to know such a great person, but I want to get to know him as well as possible before he passes, because I weriously wouldn't miss that for the world. I love him so much. HE and I are hilarious together. We feed off of eachother's silliness. Gramma is just amazing. Most old people are kind of stuck in the past, but she is so accepting of everything. I love that woman. No one will ever replace my Gramma, but she definetelt fills in on the food and on the comfort of someone who has lived and knows. I can trust her and I love that woman. There's this tapestry on the wall of a middle eastern run away slave with seven beautiful Greek women and the women's attention is soley focused on him. It shows me acceptance and equality and freedom. I love that painting. It's so awesome.
  
March 28th 2004 : I just watched Thelma and Louis. I had not a clue they died at the end. That was a bummer, but through out the whole movie, I was so amazed at how their characters fit Courtney and I to a tee (sp?) I tell ya, I don't know what I'd do with out that girl. I can't tell you how many times I've looked next to me and saw her laughing. Hopefully not and If we do ever part, I'll never forget looking over at her in the passenger seat like, "whatever you say, man, I'm down." We can sit and talk about memories all day and have such a good time. We've only hung out since like October and we already have the stories stacked all over the place. I kind of need her to survive. We have our arguments, but they're another thing we talka bout and laugh our asses off about.
"I refuse to fight with you about who
drank your beer, I know it was me."
" I don't give a shit where you sleep,
I'll sleep in the truck, you do what you want."
There's so many more, but they were lost in a blurr of our evening prowls.
It all happened one day when my dumbass was walking alone in the rain. Her and Jake picked me up and we've been connected at the hips ever since. We do this stuff and we know its crazy, but its not wrong if we both do it. Right, Court? It's so hard to make a decision about college with out courtney in it. Right now she's looking into the Navy. If she does that more power to her, but I can't see us apart and my ass will never go to war or even train for it. This has been the hardest most fucked up year of my life. Courtney has really shed some sunshine on it. Because of her this has been the best year of my life. The other stuff is shitty and it hurts, but "this is life, this is reality, this is growing up". The good outweighs the bad.
We for damn sure live for "the moments we can't remember with the people we'll never forget" cause I know we've had some killer times but I really can't remember the specifics, and to put it in a nut shell would be to expose some major incriminating information. Trust me we have some fun. Thelma and Loufuckingis. She's my homie. I love her.
( We were some fucking comical people, Michelle, honest to God, Mary AND Joseph. Laughing was what we did, who we were, and obviously, who we are, when together. )
  
April 4th 2004 : So I drift in and out of sleep like usual all night and get up at 7 to drive to Pomeroy. What and adventure that was! We jammed all the way down to The Kottonmouth Kings, Ben Harper, Rusted Root, Dixie chicks, O.A.R., HAC, Arlo Guthrie, Widespread Panic. All kinds of good shit. We had an awesome visit with Uncle Steve. I love that guy. We had too much fun. We sat around and told stories, bullshitted, blew some smoke off and just laughed. Before we knew it it was around 2. The river was moving so quickly that a barge got turned around sideways and nearly crashed right into the wall. It was intense. I think Steve inspired me to be a bar tender. Seriously Why be a massage therapists, when you can be a bar tender?? The answer's pretty damn easy there. I was just born to be a bar tender. I make fun of everyone. I have a opossum eating shit grin that can get me out of any bind, old men have always hit on me, I tell good jokes, and according to Courtney, I have the spirit that makes people want to keep drinking. I fell in love with Steve's mixed drink book . Oh gawd reading that book was better than looking at porn and I got off so
many more times. Good, Good, good times. The only thing missing was Gramma and her food. Hey Steve, Love ya , bitch.
( This experience got me drug tested, and I couldn't hardly do shit for my birthday, remember? Do you remember the story he told us, about being spun and passing out with his head out of the window, and having a half-faced sun burn? God, we were some crazy animals that day, all 3 of us. I don't regret it, even though it got me in some deep shit with my parentals. They still love me, no harm done. )
  
April 26th 2004 : Well I'm18. I don't feel much different. It's cool though. I can buy cigs, porn and blunt shells. So that's cool. I had a pretty good birthday. From what I can remember. haha. Hung out with some freinds. Good times doing what we do best with people we love most. My Dad bought me a new mandolin, and a harmonica and took me out to dinner and a movie. Morningstar got me a CD. Biggie got me some whiskey. Courtney gave me a good time which is what i wanted to most. Kelly took me tanning. All in all it was a pretty good birthday. It was a lot calmer tham last years. My 17th birthday was out of control
  
May 3rd 2004 : Courtney came and got me. We headed out to T's. I got my drink on very quickly, then we headed to Bogie's to see Mike play. Well of course they wouldn't let me in the door. So I just walked past him claiming Steve Morningstar was my Uncle. Steve tried to get them to let me stay but they weren't having it. So I stayed and danced a jig for a few songs, then bounced on out of there before that chick had a heart attack.
Shortly after we left there. I got a call from Heather. She ditched her date and she was trying to party. So we went to this quadrupal kegger. I was first greeted by a couple chicks asking for my name. After a long hesitaion that introduced themselves as so and so from South cause PHS had better parties. So I was like" hell yeah what's up I'm michelle." Then I saw all those crazy girls. It was chillin. It was fun while it lasted. There's were some really cool cats out there. It actually made me proud of PHS. It was definetely a kickin party untill the shout out "SHERRIFF!!"
My ass went and hid in a closet. I don't think I could have passed a breathalizer at any point throughout that day. Heather joined me. I'm telling ya, Heather is hilarious. She's been well trained in the party world. I love her. Well we chillle din the closet for quite some time. I put a cigarette out on my hand. hahah. Well when we finally felt it was safe to come out of hiding...everyone was gone. So Heather and I filled our cups up a few times and waited for our ride. When our ride got there, Courtney and Biggie were missing.
Jason told me that the last time he saw Courtney she was with the cops. I exploded. I thought he was bullshitting me. I freaked out and called the jailhouse. I was freaking out. We made it back to the house and this car pulls up. courtney's *oh so identifiable* voice calls out" the cops took me, man. Where's michelle and Heather?" It was such a happy reunion and Biggie was aboard that ship also. We crashed for the night.
( Dude, this night was CRAZY, haha! You fucking called 411 and asked for the, "Jailhouse," LMAO. You forgot to mention how when we heard "SHERIFF," you, Heather and Myself hightailed it into the woods, each having a cup of liquor in hand, covering the top. Didn't you pee out there, too? And some weird people were in the woods with us? Wow, luck was on my side that night....fucking cops. I love Biggie for that shit, though - it was priceless. )
  
May 5th 2004 : Sometime in the beginning of the year- I met Courtney. That pretty much sums it up. I met Courtney and what a ride we have been on since. I met last year, but didn’t know her to well. She was just another miserable school skipping cigarette smoker on the side street that I spoke to occasionally. One day my dumb ass was walking alone in the rain at lunch and Courtney evidently urged Jake to pull over and pick me up. We spent the first nine weeks doing just that-cruising with Jake. We had a fantastic time. That was when we first discovered how far out our bond was. Shortly thereafter in the climax of our fun. Jake switched schools and Courtney "let go" of school. I was left alone.
In November Courtney and I began hanging out with two boys that meant so much to us and still do. Dw and Drew. We’ve had our disagreements and even though we aren’t as tight now, they meant a lot to me and I had some crazy fun times with them. One in particular ((Martin Luther King Day)) One early morning after one hell of a late night, we crashed on College Parkway. It sucked. I definitely wasn’t in any condition to talk to cops. I was scared shitless. We pulled through that one though. Thank God.
Us. That's what happened.
  
Damn, memory lane is a trip all in itself. And those were just the DOCUMENTED memories. More in the back of the mind, to weird to live, to rare to die, LOL. Michelle, I hope that helped you out, and was good enough stuff for the, "Courtney Fix," you've been needing. I don't think i've ever enjoyed writing an entry as much as this one, truly. It's inspiring, in a twisted kind of way. But, hey, when have WE ever been normal? Exactly.
That's all I really have to say.
Comments appreciated.
- Courtney.
Better known as, Candypants. LOL. |
