| this is where i am.
and this is where i'd like to be.
someone save me. since this past week has been awful, i won't weigh myself. i guess on saturday i'll start weighing myself everyday, carrying around my notebook in public to prevent myself eating so i won't open it in front of people. i'll probably go out for a run again today and i have dance later so hopefully it will be enough.
i just to go back to the way i was and what i had. i don't wear jewelry anymore because nothing looks good. i loved the way a necklace looked on my sharp collarbones, the way a bracelet could slip of my wrist, and the way that earrings just made my cheekbones that more pronounced. i still have my "thin" clothes. by summer, even spring, i want to feel cold when i'm in the sun, i want to feel lightheaded when i'm not drunk, and i want to even scare people while i'm in a bikini. fuck recovery, fuck doctors, fuck parents. i'm doing it all over again. no fucking regrets.
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| i still feel sick but i'm going to the gym later.
basically i ate a shitload, burned off about 575 calories, and drank 48+ ounces of water.
i'm fasting until thursday. wish me luckkkk
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| boo i hate myself so much right now.
i drank four cups of coffee within 45 minutes and i feel like my stomach is going to fall out. i really really don't want to go to school tomorrow.
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| today was another terrible day, but i did manage to throw most of it up. it's a giant relief to do it, but all of the calories are still in my body, worming their way through and making me miserable.
intake - 800
outtake - 400
ick.
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so my doctor raised the dosage on my acne medication. the information label says that the higher the dosage, it is more likely to suppress appetite. i am so happy right now ! |
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| intake - 1200 calories; i was so close to passing out that the nurse at school made me eat lunch and snack throughout the day. i want to strangle her.
e - 400 plus an extra 800 from the gym
i'm so pissed. i better make my next goal by wednesday. |
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