roctillia_sweetz's Xanga

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 20:37:27 GMT

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 18:42:13 GMT

124 lbs

Hey hunniez, no I didn't die or anything. And yeah I gained two lbs but I actually lost a dress size, I can successfully fit into a 4 with a bit of room to spare. I've been working out with a trainer (for free!).

My birthday is in 4 days. 4 days til adulthood, whatever shall I do? I know, PARTY!!!

My school is doing Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and I'm Mrs. Potiphar, the chick who seduces Joseph and gets him thrown in jail. I get to the bitch, the seducting, beautiful bitch at that. Plus I get to dance hella much so yay, this'll be fun.

Passed all my finals with hella awesome grades...I'm so proud of me I could just kiss myself.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 13:15:48 GMT

122lbs.. still, wow

Out Of My Mind

Christmas was ok, got clothes, purses and money. The clothes don't fit becuase I guess my family doesnt know I've lost weight, and my stupid aunt keeps buying me shit in size12 cuz she thinks it'll be longer (I've never been a 12 to begin with). So, I had a full week of returns.

Saw Narnia on Friday...HELLA AWESOME! ANd my sis and I snuck in our own snacks, I love gummi bears I can't help it.

The Remedy by Abandoned Pools

I could use
A shot
Your novacaine
My soul's a fuse
Blows away your name

Then you can be the remedy
And I can be the enemy
And he can go and live as nothing
They you can be the wanna be
And I can be the remedy
And he can go to hell for all I care

Say this world is not so shallow
When you can't beg steal or borrow
Save your breath your soul is hollow
And it's all too much to swallow

Take this souvenir
They can't deny you were here
This scar always there
To medicate your fear

Christmas pic of my neffies!! I know, they're cuter than humanly possible

The little one already doesn't like Santa, He was saying "help, Help!"

Happy New Year Everyone, We'll Stay strong this Year!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 01:38:25 GMT

122lbs

Hey, I'm out of school finally today, the day before Christmas Eve. How wonderful! God Bless the Chicago Public Shcool System.

I'm gonna decorate and cook tomorrow. We havent even put up the tree yet. We don't even have a tree yet! I just went Christmas shopping today and I'm far from done.

But Im not gonna stress, stress can kiss my ass.

Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens ev'ry day

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you

If I look hard enough into the settin' sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

Hmm, hmm, hmm,...

I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 18:49:31 GMT

122lbs

"Last night I was writing about you...I know my screaming and shouting won't keep you".

Winter concert was friday night and my solo was good. People kept telling me how great I sing. I did have mic problems at firts though, but whatev. I passed out after the concert and my mami is pissed at me once again. but hey, im back down to 122 which is hella awesome. Stress is the best weight loss tool. I just totally didn't feel liek eating. And now that my 18th birthday is approaching, there's nothing my nutrionist and parents can do about this...I'm gaining power again.

There is no meaning in your name

I can see myself just falling sometime soon, i feel it as well. I have to prepare myself for such things. Life is never as smooth as one wants it.

A friend of mine told me something I wish he'd kept to himself, no I'm bothered, but I get over things now quicker than I used to.

Some pics...havent posted any in a while

Me at 126

124

I have to go make dinner...how ironic. Why am I always cooking in this house?

Who was happy about the last Top Model? I kinda wanted Nik to win. But anyone but bre was good enough for me.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 16:52:22 GMT

124lbs

Why hasnt my school figured out that in order for a homecoming to have a point and be successful, they need a football team. The home coming was so lame. Sandra got first runner up for homecoming queen. the vote was rigged, she should've won, they didnt even let service club vote, then she would've won. But she looked awesome. We all did. Ill post pictures soon.

But my friends kinda got on my nerves last nite. They all talked about going to IHOP after the dance, but nobody knew to which one. So we drove around for an hour an a half only to get to IHOP and it was closing. What a waste of time. plus it was like fucking 10 degrees and i was in a litle dress and strappy shoes.

Then my date couldn't park so we couldn't go to dinner and he just took me home, cuz i sure as hell wasnt eating at fucking McDonald's.

And i got in at 12. How lame!

It was just a waste of time and money. This is why my school is lame and i like my ballet friends better.

Hey i missed ANTM on Wednesday cuz i was shopping for stupid homecoming. Who was eliminated? let me know plz.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 21:44:41 GMT

127 METRO!!!!! SOAD

I love Desi Club. So glad I joined. I have a Desi Club dance practice tomorrow. Usually, I'm not trying to stay after school on a Friday, but for Desi Club I will. Cuz i just love Desi and Bollywood.

Our dance for international day is gonna kickass.

Top Model was really good yesterday. I'm kinda sad Lisa is gone though cuz she's a really fun chick. I really don't want Bre to win. She's a little bitch. The heifer can't even model. I want either Kim or Nik to win.

"How long, How long will I slide?"

I'm finally turning college applications in tomorrow!!! Hell must've frozen over. I have 6 to turn in. I'm so proud of myself. I'm gonna give myself a bear hug now.

Homecoming in 2 weeks!! Yeah, my school is slow, we dont have a football team. Our homecoming is for our basketball season. The dress I had is too big (which doesnt really upset me much) so I'm buying a new one.

I want something like this.

Or these mmmm.

Sandra For Homecoming queen!!!!! We go way back to kindergarten, Thats my girl for real. She's blessed to be black because only black people win homecoming queen and king at our school. But everybody is running this year, we might have a split.

I crave vanilla green tea and pilates rite about now. toodles

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 21:40:11 GMT

You know, sometimes I get tired of being vain. I just wanna not care. I just wanna be me. oh my effin god.

Tyra scared the shit outta me tonite on America's Next Top Model. She had both Jayla and Nicole in the bottom 2 and she told them both to pack their bags....then she paused to let it sink in, and then she screamed "Cuz We're goin to London!" Everyone in my house got soo scared. That was some good shit. But Lisa really grossed me out tonite w/ that diaper thing.

And damn, you all dont have to bitch at me about that fuckin Lindsay Lohan pic, I know that's not a recent pic of her, Im not stupida. I actually got that in a chain email from some friends of mine that think she's gonna be looking like that pretty soon because she's just confused as hell rite now.

What I don't see is why it's okay for her to gain weight, and not regular girls like us. I mean she hired a weight gain trainer (kinda like my nutrionist whom i want to shoot in the face). I think she looked fine just recently, just like HDuff. But if HDuff started gaining weight again, would u all stick up for her?

I mean, what's wrong w/ this? Why'd she feel she had to change it?

Anyway, I'm just feeling confused as hell too. I admire LL for being who she is, now if only I can figure out who the hell I am.

I smell a fucking change comin on, oh yes.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 23:46:35 GMT

I thought I'd post the lyrics to the song I have playing on here. It's by a progressive band called Bobgoblin (yeah, i know, who? i listen to music nobody else listens to).

Pretty in My Uniform
Everybody's doing it. Everybody looks like me, Mommy
Everyone's dressing up. Everyone looks like me, Daddy-o
I look so pretty in my uniform
You can't take that away from me
It's the only thing I have. Everything I have is this, Mommy
It's my identity. It's the only thing I am, Daddy-o
I look so pretty in my uniform
You can't take that away from me
Father you can't talk
The way that you worship your Club magazines
And mother you're no better...
The things that you worship... you call me obscene?
Well... I mean... you're the goddamned fetish queen!
I'm just gonna run away. You don't have to hide your face, Mommy
I'll go where I'm wanted- wanted like a porn queen, Daddy-o
I look so pretty in my uniform
You can't take that away from me

I think that these lyrics perfectly describe my relationship w/ ana. let me know if it does the same to you.

School tomorrow, *sighs*. but then tuesday i have no school and my mami wont be home all day so I wont be made to eat. Hell Yeah!

She's gained weight....I'm speechless. Inever thought I'd see the day when LL is gaining weight and HDuff is losing. What is this, an alternate universe? And no, I didn't "fix" these pics, that's all her before she started losing weight and looking good (was glad she got over the fatness), thighs and all. I was actually tempted to thin it up a bit.

I still weigh 126, i really feel that I Should stop here, Im gonna talk to my nutrionist about it. If he doesnt let me, I'll just shoot him in the face, lol. j/k. seriously.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 21:04:23 GMT

Was weighed again today. 126. I want to die. I feel like a farm animal, I'm being fattened up. They say I can stop at 132, but that's unimaginable to me. I feel fat as hell. I don't know what to do if I'm being made to eat, and I'm exercising hella much but I'm still gaining. And if I don't gain, I get sent away.

I am trapped.

After I gain this weight, then what? What do they expect from me? Do they expect that I'll be alright with it. Do they think I'll reach for my inner beauty, because I just won't be beautiful at 132 in my eyes. I don't care what anyone else says.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I can't take this, leave me and ana alone!!!!

This weekend I went shopping at Marshall Fields (which is doomed to become Macy's really soon, boohoo) and these women and a couple guys that looked ultra chic, model like were talking to me and my friend nika. They told us we should try to be models be models and i was thinking maybe nika can but not my fat ass as i hid my size 4 jeans which almost didnt fit. Those people were so effin awesome, the guys even looked thinner than i did, i was like grrrrr, why can't i be thin?? They only tried to encourage me because Im 6 ft tall, nika is tall and skinny, she'd be a great model.

I heart Top Model, I'm watching it now. I wonder who will win. I think either Nik, Lisa, or Kim is gonna win, they're really pretty. All the girls were extremely pretty this season, even that big girl Diane.

My absolute favorite show and I just love tyra, she reminds me of nika, she's like a home girl for real, so down to earth and not all big headed.

To Do Bytch (really soon)

Finish frikkin college apps
1000 sit ups (I did 550 last nitte, i gotta get up 1000 in 1 nite)
go to gym friday (no school)
buy new clothes for my fat ass
buy my neffy lio a bday gift (he's turning 8)
AP US history paper (why did I take that class?)
Change the kitty litter ( thats the only thing i hate about having a cat)

126. WTF?!?!?! I just wanna die, or go to sleep and not wake up til im soo thin.