The 2005 Council of the Streams

The First Council of Rowism

For those of you who don't know - I've founded the religion of Rowism.  Here's the brief summary:

Rowism

I'm starting a new religion today.  It's all based on some fairly basic premises

Row, row, row your boat

Just be present.  Just keep rowing your little boat.

Gently down the stream

Don't row upstream.  Go with the flow in a gentle compassionate manner.

Merrily, merrily

Enjoy the present moment.  Just enjoy the passing of time.

Life is but a dream

It's all a dream.  Don't hold on tightly to the people and things that you dream are your existence.

Now just keep repeating over and over again.

 

Someone asked me how this was coming.  Well, I please to inform you that things are progressing quite well.  For the longest time, I couldn't get the monks to stop self-flagellating themselves to complete the sacred scriptures.  Once I convinced them that they were truly unworthy and that self-flagellating was useless, they finally set upon the task of completing the sacred scriptures.  However, now that we have so many converts, many issues have arisen.  Therefore, I convened the 2005 Council of Streams to put an end to the many heresies that have developed.

The Council has determined as follows:

1.  On the use of rowboats as icons:  Many have started the use of rowboats in worship.  The council has determined that so long as rowboats are only venerated as indications of a path, the use of rowboats in worship is acceptable.  The Council has determined that the use of rowboats is not idolitry.

2.  On Row Row Row Your Boat as the word of God:  Many of you believe that Row Row Row Your Boat was breathed by God and given to men.  This has lead many believers to sell all their possessions and take up lives endlessly rowing in streams.  The Council has determined that Row Row Row Your Boat was inspired by God and contains all things necessary for salvation.

3.  On the nature of men.  Many of you believe that since life is but a dream, that our existence is nothing but one long nightmare.  Come on folks - lighten up -after all it's just a dream, right?

4.   On the use of oars.  Many of you have started striking yourself with oars in order to wake yourself up from the dream of life.  Oars are only to be used in instruction of the faithful.  The Council has determined that such belief is the worst heresy.  This belief must be stomped out at all cost.  The Council encourages other believers to take anyone striking themselves with an oar and throw them overboard.

5.  On faith.  Many of you live in areas where there are followers of "Mary Had a Little Lamb."  The Council has determined that Rowism is the one true and universal faith.  Anyone who fails to keep this faith, will be thrown overboard and spend eternity in the Cold Liquid Land Beyond the Boat.  Therefore, in order that none should suffer in the Cold Liquid Land Beyond the Boat, the Council has declared a holy war upon the Maryites.  Anyone who takes up this cause, will be rewarded with life eternal in a golden rowboat upon a clear pure stream.

6.  On rowing vs. drifting.  What good is it if a man claims to drift but does not row?  Can such drifing save him?  Know that drifting without rowing is dead.  Many who drift will call to be saved.  The Council has determined that "If a man will not row, he should not drift."

7.  The Stream, the Cold Liquid Land, and the Cesspool.  The Council has determined that the Cesspool is a place or condition of temporal punishment for those who, departing this life in the stream, are, not entirely free from venial faults, or have not fully paid the satisfaction due to their leaving the boat.  The Council has determined that the Stream is both happiness and the abode of the just in the next life.  The Council has determined that the Cold Liquid Land Beyond the Boat is for all those who die not in the boat as enemies of Rowism who are unworthy of eternal life.

8.  On the ordination of those in motorboats.  The sacred scripture says that one is to row down the stream.  Some have said that those in motorboats are living lives in a sinful manner.  The Council points out that the sacred scripture also speaks of the need for gentleness among our fellow boaters.  The Council calls for further dialog between the Church of Rowism and those in motorboats.

The first inquisitions are scheduled in 2006.  Anyone found in violation of the Canons of the Council of the Streams shall be first struck with an oar and then promptly thrown overboard.

So, Rowism is now formally a religion.  We have the holy sciptures, the Creed, and the Canon. The Council believes the whole world will come to see the majesty that is Rowism.