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roxy_fragile_innocence
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Name: Roxy
Country: Australia
Metro: Perth
Birthday: 11/18/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Hi beautiful's,
Well ths is my Xanga ramblings.
Where i can recive and share support from the issues that are a constant battle in my life...
If i was to be classified and put in a box then i would say that I am EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not otherwise specified).
This has been my life for over 11 years.
I have been hospitilised twice, once when i was 11 and the other when i was 15.
I am 5'5" 1/2. Or 166 cm tall
H.W. my CW because of pregnancy....
L.W. 81.4 pounds (37kgs)
U.G.W. 96.8 pounds (44kgs)
C.W. Check posts...
i am currrently pregnant....
every day is a fight to eat. i need to eat for the survival of my baby....
but it's hard..
I am not "treated" nor have i "recovered".
But my baby growing inside of me gives me strength to take that first and last bite.....
Expertise: Losing weight. Gaining weight. Hiding my secrets from the ones that i love...
Binging.
Purging.
Exercise.
Eating.
Not eating.
Starving.
Couting Calories, and Kilojoules.
Thats my life....
and now going through pregnancy......
Occupation: i guess a "stay at home soon t
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
MSN: lokana69@hotmail.com
MSN: roxane.fragileinnocence@gmail.com
Member Since:
6/22/2005
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| thank you so much for all the supporting comments..
sorry i have not writen in a while..
lifes beeen crazy.....
HOW IS EVERYONE GOING????
so i am now 7 MONTHS PREGNANT or 27 WEEKS.
Getting bigger every week. i can still touch my toes but that luxury will go in about a month...
i swear the things i took for granted like shaving down there and bending down is gone... enjoy it while it lasts...
so i have put on an extreme amount of weight these past 7 months. but
that is to be expected. at least i have finally started my matobolism
after 11 years of screwing it up...
eating is still a chore and a constant battle i face every single meal time. but i get threw it.
so what else has been happening with me?
well i am now married and a MRS at the age of 18. i am now Mrs Padley.
the wedding was good and nothing else has changed. it's just official..
good news about steven (husband), he has got a shore posting (in the
Navy) and he will be home every single night for a whole year. Which is
just what we both need expessially when the baby comes in 2 months....
i can't believe it in 2 months i am going to be a mom....
so i am still working part time as a cafe assistant manager (i want to quit but we have not found a replacement yet :(
well i hope to hear from everyone soon....
and i hope all is well.........
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| i am currrently pregnant....
every day is a fight to eat. i need to eat for the survival of my baby....
but it's hard..
I am not "treated" nor have i "recovered".
But my baby growing inside of me gives me strength to take that first and last bite.....
so i hope all is well with everybody....
i have been up and down... as to be expecter...
so i am currently 18weeks pregnant......
steven came and left... and is still gone....
so i had to quit tafe, too
much stress, and i have (and i still am) having the worse morning
(all day it should be called) sickness......
i have changed my profile picture because it does not represent my life any more....
So my life has been crazy, stressful, and i can not wait to finished being pregannt....
i hope every one is enjoying life and reaching the goals you have been working so hard.....
everyday i get up and it's a struggle to make myself eat every meal my body and my baby needs....
i still have the negitive thoughts and feelings that has haunted me my whole life.....
so have a good night ladies and gentleman.....
until next time...
xxxxx...
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| hello my lovely ana's mia's and ednos's...
i have been busy and tired....
Tafe sucks...
i do not think i can do the full six months of it..
but i will try...
I had a huge shopping spree on me...
i wasted about $700...
i bought $300 on food... (no crap. All good healthy stuff)
I bought 3 poirs of thongs (shoes)...
Mummy undies (no sexy Gs for me anymore)
Stockings (for tafe bar)
$100 black shoes (fucking black shoes..)
Try finding black fermale shoes that will go wiith a pencil A line
skirt that does not have a fucking heel, and does not squash your feet
and ankles...
I also bought a $70 black jacket that was 2 sizes to big for me (for fucking bar)
I also bought a pink long skirt (because most of my skirts do not fit (bye bye min'is)
I bought a Black pencil A line skirt that does not have a zip or
buttons (that is another miricle to find a business skirt that has an
elastic waist) (also for Tafe)
My old white button
long sleeve shirt is getting to tight cos my boobs are so BIG.. so i am
borrowing an old long sleeve shirt that was in steven's side of the
wardrobe.......
yesterday (friday)
i had a panic.....
i went to the toilet and it was more wetter than usual down there...(have to be a female to understand)
And so i looked at the toilet paper and there was brown blood on it.......
i got worried....
So i called up Keri and she came over....
We called up the dr and got told that if i have any adominal pain then it might be a miscarrage...
If not then it is just the normal vaginal bleeding...
The bleeding was a bit heavy and consistant (not as heavy as my period)
So whe went to see the hospital just to be sure....
We waited for 2 and a half hours and then an old couple came in and i
overheard (eves dropped) on why they are there and the husdan was
saying that he thinks his wife has got the flu and her temperature is
2o more than normal and she keeps on coughing...
So they are not that serious... Not as serious as vaginal bleeding when oyu rpregnant..
and the fuckers waiting for 30 fucking minutes... and they got to see the fucking dr...That was my fucking turning point....
So i yelled FUCK it.... And told Keri that we are leaving.... So i told
the receptionest "thank you so fucking much for taking care of me"
So they wasted 3hrs of Keri's and mine time... NA di was starting to feel
queesy (like throw up) because i had not eating anything in 4 hrs....
So we left The ER and went to Keri house and watched Memiors of A Geisha (sp?) it's a reaaly good movie....
And my DR was not open on a sat...
I've got tafe MONDAY TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY.... ALL DAY
Thursday is the ultrasound (number 2)..
So we will see if we miscarried......
i do niot think so...
i think it is just the normal bleeding..
(i also looked it up on the best book in the world (pregnancy for dummies)....
So i will see if i and the baby is ok on Thursday...
i hope it is.....
So how is everyone doing.....
Again i would like to say an EVEN BIGGER thank you to everyone who comments on my site.....
So i have got to go and get some sleep.....
have a good day everyone....
xxxxx...
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| Dear everyone..
i want to say a BIG THANK YOU for all the COMMENTS you left on my last post.....
Well i lot has happened to me....
Steven and i have decided to keep the baby....
i could not destroy something that Steven and i made in love....
i have had a dr app. AND THEY TOOK 5 TUBES OF BLOOD OUT OF ME. To make
sure i was healthy and stuff.... i got the results back and everything
was great. Except that my iron blood count was a bit low.. So i am on
iron tablets....
i have also had my first ultra sound...
I HATE ULTRA SOUNDS... i have a weak bladdder to begin with and they
make you hald 6cups of water (which you drink in an hour) for 2
hours... The whole not allowed to go to the toilet is not working for
me....
Oh well..
So in the ultra sound they found a black sack 11millimetres in length
but there was no heart beat... So i have to go back in about another
week and a half and have another ultra sound to see if my baby has a
heartbeat....
So i have been eating...
Eating the right kind of foods...
I am going to do my best to not fuck up my body while the baby is inside of me... and when i am breast feeding....
So i am officially a non smoker...
"
" a non drinker
I don't binge and purge...
I do not fast or starve myself...
I have to do this for our baby....
I am already getting morning sickness and i am easily fatigued...
So for the next 6 months i will be studing full time at TAFE.... And being pregnant....
And i finish tafe around July..... So i will be 7 months pregnant by the time i finish.... GREAT!!!!!!!
oH WELL AT LEAST I GET MY DIPLOMA....
The BABY is due around the 16th of September....
So i feel the need to share with you that since i am looking after my body for the baby...
I CAN NOT participate in any fasts, challenges :( or calorie restrictions......
Sorry......
I want to keep my xanga because i love the friendships i have made...
So if anyone has any questions about anything that i might help
them with just leave a commment that would be awesome..
Basically for the next 8months i will be bitching about assignemts...
Weight (as if my own weight was not hard enough to get rid of.. now i
am going to have baby weight... GREAT.
and anything trhat comes up in my day to day life....
I have done something that i needed to do to keep this baby...
I HAVE PUT AWAY THE SCALES..........
this is for my own sound of mind.....
i had to ask myslef what was more important my weight RIGHT NOW or the health of my BABY...
And i am sorry but my baby is more important.....
So i hope evryone has a great day.....
Keep going on nwith life...
Life is ironic and funny and will supprise you.....
But that everyday like it is your last and enjoy it.....
Love you guys (if thats possible cos i have not met any of you face to face)
Love always Roxy...
xxxxxx....
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| So ladies and gentleman I am sorry to say that there is no info or thinspirational picts in this entry..
I am too emotionally depressed.....
FUCK
I AM PREGNANT...
I was 5 days late so I took a home pregnancy test and I came out positive........
I am between 2-4 weeks pregnant....
I will make a doctors app. on Monday....
I am only 18.......
FUCK.........
So today i ended my water fast. i was on DAY 3.....
i had lose 11 pounds in 3 days...
i was not even fucking hungry and i was STRONg on my fast...
then i had the test and i realized if i am going to keep it,.
It needs food to nurture itself and that means i have to be greedy and eat the stupid food....
And i have been starving my child....
i have no idea what i am going to do??????????
I can either KILL it or HAVE it.....
My life is a fucking shit fucked up mess.....
A human body is growing inside of me and all i could think about is the damage i have already caused it...
Smoking CIGARETTE'S
Drinking vast amounts of ALCOHOL
BINGING
STARVING
PURGING
Steven (my fiancee) is at sea. So i have wrote him an email telling him.....
i am so fucking confused.....
So i can not join or continue any challenges until i the decision has been made.
Cos that will determine the diet that i will be on.....
How could i let this happen.......
i am suck a fucking idiot.....
So instead of tying to lose weight and get back to perfection.
i have got a baby inside of me..................................
xxxxx...
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