| | my body makes NO sense.
I did pretty well eating today and judging on my present weight I think I'm actually going to be anywhere from 90.4 - 91.0 tomorrow.
weird considering I was contemplating suicide because I was sure I'd be 93 by tomorrow. contemplating, not actually holding a bottle to my lips or a knife to my wrist but still. the fact that digital numbers that could be off due to a number of things can have such a huge impact on my well being is scary.
I obviously have a really really tragically messed up view of myself.
in better news, the guy I was with today was pretty good. We'd been together for a long time (until I was stupid and slept with about 3 other guys due to a messed up mind and drinking and stupid friends) but now we're still "unofficially" together so the level of comfort I have with him is just amazing. we can talk about anything and everything.
i showed him my extra rib, he thought it was pretty funny. he was like man you found another genetic mistake?? we always joke about how i have so many "genetic mistakes" as we call them - my arms and legs are waay too long, my feet are too big, my waist is too small, my teeth are too white, etc. the best part about him is that he doesn't do that gay thing guys do when they act all emotional and say ohh you're so beautiful, you're amazing, i love you soooo much. i hate it when guys say that kind of stuff because I just find it so lame. I don't need someone else to tell me that, I'd rather be able to just tell from how they act with me. unspoken things mean a lot more.
I was with a different guy over the summer when me and my ex weren't really talking, and i seriously couldn't stand him! first of all he just didn't ever "get it". also he went out with this girl for two years before me and they never had sex, so I was already kind of like uhh... are you weird? but anyways so I was his first and he decided to let me know he "loved me" and wanted to "be together forever" right after that. It was so dumb and weird considering this is high school, so I broke up with him pretty unapologetically about a week after.
It probably sounds like I'm a bitch about things like that but the truth is that I just hate being with anyone that is even the slightest bit clingy. I will back away for miles the second I detect a little bit of neediness...
anyways, that whole entry was therapeutic, so if you read it all, maybe you understand me better :)
shopping/lunch with my mom tomorrow, then therapy app, then homework. and lots of it.
physical on tuesday... breast exam (ugh), pap smear (double ugh) and my mom-supervised weigh-in (TRIPLE UGH)
haha hope everyone is doing wellllll... I'm def. feeling ten times better
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| | Posted 4/21/2008 2:55 AM - 9 comments
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