hello everyone... so weight-wise... i got up to 96 and for… | runway_fragility's Xanga Site

About this Entry
Posted by: runway_fragility Original: 5/3/2008 12:39 PM Comments: 19 eProps: 36 Read Comments Post a Comment Back to Your Xanga Site

Minis
OO_Snowbell_OO

Who gave the eProps?
2 eProps from: Gmagnolia OO_Snowbell_OO roxylove16 hardcore_ed lovelyx3fragile perfection_x4ever theflamingtofu la_femme_inconnue blacktriangle hhellosunshinee unsleepable fabyoungblonde Future_Artist08 skinnydream217 FattyAssids petite_figure dyereffects minispicegirl

Read or Post Comments

Saturday, May 03, 2008

hello everyone...
so weight-wise... i got up to 96 and for some reason I couldn't accept it so I'm back at 95? I don't know why I'm delaying this so much - I have to get to 100 no matter what so I'm just being dumb. Yesterday for my friends birthday some of the girls and I went out to the aquarium restaraunt. I was really nervous about dinner but it was not a big deal. I tried to be distracting and talk a lot so no one would notice I didn't have any bread (and then they ordered a second bread bowl and I was like okay come on now)... I got grilled shrimp, which came with 8 shrimp, veggies and rice. I ate two shrimp, all the veggies and a bite of rice so I wasn't too worried. and then my friend's birthday cake came out... so I had a few bites of my piece, but it was probably so many calories... I shouldn't even care because I have to gain weight, so I need to let myself enjoy it! It's really hard to get out of the mindset though...
BUT some good news. I was about to binge a few days ago and for some reasons when i was in my car I just started crying! I was thinking about my friends-with-benefits and this talk we had a few days ago when I was talking about how I was feeling a little used. and then I hadn't gotten a call from him or the other guy i've been talking to in like two days and I was just like wow, no one wants me. I must be ugly/fat/dumb/annoying... and I started crying... I guess binging/purging allows me to be numb because I HATE crying, so that's what I wanted to do at that moment. Instead, I wanted to legitimately feel better instead of masking it with an eating disorder, and I called my friend and was still crying and she was so sweet about everything, and the call ended with me laughing and she gave me some good advice. Then I texted the new guy and he called a second later and we talked for a long time. It was so nice because the situation turned out SO much better than if I had just kept it to myself and gone on to binge and purge... at least I think I'm out of the depths of my eating disorder... I don't think you can just stop, but you can try to reverse it. and that's what Im doing. anyways here some pics from yesterday (my friend is a sloooow driver so the people I drove got there way early and had to pass the time with pictures lol)
I'm in the white shirt btw

Posted 5/3/2008 12:39 PM - 19 comments

recommend
recs0
give stars
votes0
email
sent0

Give eProps or Post a Comment

19 Comments

I'm so glad you got the support you needed. Don't worry too much about the weight coming on fast. It will happen naturally. Just focus on eating healthy. Good luck and Take care of yourself..

Posted 5/3/2008 12:49 PM by Gmagnolia - reply

Huge Props!

oh that is SO GOOD. it's so great that you found a way to express your feelings not through food. it's really difficult to open up to people like that instead of opening up to a toilet bowl (pardon the horrible pun but it's true...at least the bowl doesn't judge you).

random sidenote, your friend on the end in the black shirt must be REALLY tall!

Posted 5/3/2008 1:37 PM by OO_Snowbell_OO

- reply

congrats on not binging! that takes alot of will power believe me i knoww. and its good you understand why you wanted to binge and how that would have just made matters worse! ayyay im happy for you

now i have ab irthday dinner to go to tonight and i dont care about going out cause i just get salads w. dressing on the side and eat the lettuce BUT its my friends birthday and she already thinks im like a skeleton again and knows my eating history and theres gonna be hard . especially the cake issue.. :( i hope i can get out of it. any suggestions of what i should say?

i like the pictures of you you look vcvery prettty as usual ! the last picture you see the space between your thighs.. how do you get that i really want it .. like i have it between my legs but i want to make it wider like this... ( ) hahha

ok you think im weird so im gonna stop talking but staystrong love lvoe

Posted 5/3/2008 1:55 PM by roxylove16 - reply

you doing so well, your so strong, and im so impressed with you.

you hsve so much courage

xx

Posted 5/3/2008 3:50 PM by hardcore_ed - reply

hi! i just wanted to say you have so much will-power and courage.. with both not binging and with trying to recover. thats amazing. and you're so pretty! good luck with everything love!

Posted 5/3/2008 4:08 PM by lovelyx3fragile - reply

i wish you all the luck and love in the world. i'm so proud of you. you can do this. 100 is just around the corner. make ur mum and all of us proud.
xx

Posted 5/3/2008 6:18 PM by perfection_x4ever - reply

That's so exciting! I'm really glad that you are able to realize that you binge/purge to feel numb. That's a HUGE step in the process of recovery. Good job so far! I wish you lots of luck; I know you can do it :)

Take care :)

Posted 5/3/2008 6:48 PM by theflamingtofu - reply

Now that youre about to change your mind, will you also change your default?

Another one would fit better I think :}

Keep on doing so well <3

Posted 5/3/2008 8:06 PM by la_femme_inconnue - reply

way to go on not b/ping and working it out!!!

just wondering is the girl in the pic(second from left in top pic and second from right in bottom pic) anorexic as well?

Posted 5/3/2008 10:02 PM by blacktriangle - reply

Awesome job resisting the binge/purge girl. I'm proud of you. =]
I hope things continue to look up for you,
and that you had fun at your friend's birthday celebration!
That's such a good thing that you have friends there to support you.
I don't know what I would do without mine.
Best of luck with everything!

Posted 5/4/2008 12:56 AM by hhellosunshinee - reply

I'm so glad you reached out to your friends!! I'm alsoglad you're realizingthat you don't have to do it alone. :D You look really happy so keep up the awesome work. Baby steps will get you there. No need to rush. :) xx

Posted 5/4/2008 8:41 PM by unsleepable - reply

Wow! Gorgeous. When you get to 100 lbs or so, you should model. Seriously.

Posted 5/6/2008 2:29 PM by fabyoungblonde - reply

Hey Hun!

I'm glad you didn't end up b/p-ing. I know thats a hard thing to resist, but you did it, and I am proud of you! See, you are alot stronger then you believe you are. Just keep doing what your doing, and take things one meal, one step at a time.

Much Love - Kari XoXoxo

P.S. You are gorgeous in your pics! You look like a model.

Posted 5/11/2008 5:56 PM by Future_Artist08 - reply

Working on recovery, eh? i just got out of treatment [thats why i'm responding to your comment two months later, lol] && even though i'm ambiguous about the whole thing i would be willing to support you. XXX

Posted 5/14/2008 11:25 AM by skinnydream217 - reply

you're adorable. and have such strength to not binge/purge. congrats.

Posted 5/17/2008 12:37 PM by FattyAssids - reply

you're so beautiful. i'm proud of you for not having binged.
i admire you.

Posted 5/18/2008 9:10 AM by petite_figure - reply

Stunning.
You are my thinspo <3

Posted 5/20/2008 11:12 AM by dyereffects - reply

hey girll havent heard from you in ages. i hope your doing well.

staystrong, xox

Posted 5/20/2008 11:39 AM by roxylove16 - reply

hi!

just browsing xanga and came across your site. I think i read an old post of yours where you went shopping and all the jeans were too big. I wanted to tell you that J Brand makes size 23! Not sure if you already own them. They might fit you better.

Anyway, take care and hope its okay if I sub?

mini

Posted 5/20/2008 4:49 PM by minispicegirl - reply

Choose Identity

Xanga Network

Anonymous (Sign up for free!)