As you know, Brett has gone off to Delaware/New Jersey to do contract work. He's been gone about two months now. I've seen him twice in that time, and we'll be spending a week together in Colorado soon. We've Skyped several times and call and text each other often. But I really miss the comfort and companionship of having him here in the house with me.

Yesterday I stripped the bed to wash the sheets and bumped a pillow which dislodged something hiding behind it on the headboard shelf. I looked at it thoughtfully. I pressed it in the right place, but nothing happened. I thought to myself, "You know, if you just put a couple of batteries in this thing, maybe you won't miss Brett so much." So I took it downstairs, put in a couple of fresh batteries, pressed it in the right place and it came to life. Brett had better watch out because this thing is giving me a lot of pleasure.

https://youtu.be/o2XeRBOKHzY

Oh, Mr. Perfect, don't stop!

Snowpocaplypse 2019 hasn’t been quite as bad as predicted… so far. Well, yes, the entire county shut down and there was a snow emergency and the sheriff said to stay off the roads, but that was this morning. I didn’t get to sleep until after 5 AM, so I slept through most of that. By the time I was up and ready to start the day, the snow had stopped and the plows had caught up. Dump trucks were lumbering down my street to drop their loads of snow in the field, then back up another street to meet up with the front end loader and get another load.

I put on my Bogs boots and parka, hat, scarf and gloves and went out to shovel the back porch and reshovel the loop in the backyard for the dogs. They’re small, so I try to keep a path that they can access without going through deep snow to do their business. This also saves me from dealing with wet dogs all day. What did I get for all my hard work? One ungrateful dog that wouldn’t leave the porch, and one that bounded off the path and bounced like a bunny through the deep snow. At least he got some exercise.

2 ungrateful dogs

I didn’t shovel a path to the van, or clear the snow off the van, or shovel around the van because I wasn’t planning to go anywhere because ZOMG SNOWPOCALYPSE!!! But as I said, the snow had stopped and the streets were navigable, and since I was already wearing my Bogs, I walked to the post office… where I had two bulky packages. I took the unexpected box with me and left the expected package at the post office. The one I brought home was from a friend in Hawaii (my daughter’s kindergarten teacher). She sent a Hawaiian breakfast; Hawaiian resort brand pancake mix, egg mixes and syrup. Also pistachios and macadamia nuts. She is such a sweet woman! My daughter will be 34 soon, so it’s been awhile since she was in Mrs. Chiba’s kindergarten class, but I send her a Christmas card and a letter every year and she always responds and remembers Krysten fondly, even occasionally mentioning what’s happening with some of her classmates from 29 years ago. The school was in a military neighborhood; I think all of the kids there were from military – mostly Navy – families, so she has kept up a correspondence with many of her students, probably from her entire teaching career.

After opening and looking through the contents of the box, I decided that maybe I’d better run to the vet to grab the dogs’ dental treats which I ran out of last night. We still have Chillageddon 2019 to get through this week and there’s no freaking way I’m going out in minus forty degree wind chill to buy dog treats! So guess what I had to do? Yep, shovel a path to the van, clear snow off the van, shovel around the van… Sigh. I did all that, loaded the dogs because they were getting a bit hysterical about me leaving AGAIN!!! I mean that one block walk to the post office and back took an ETERNITY!!! They weren’t happy that I left them in the van while I ran in to pick up the dental treats, but I left the van running with the heat on and the CCR playlist going, and I’d called ahead so they had the treats waiting for me at the check-in desk. It’s just as well I didn’t drag them in because in the short time I was there, two people brought in their cats.

So now we’re all home and warm. Snowpocalypse 2: The Lake Effect has begun. The dogs are snoozing on the furniture and I’m thinking of ways to keep warm during Chillageddon. I’ve seen warnings that home heating systems are not designed to handle 48 hours of sub-zero temperatures and that the temperature in the house will probably drop down into the low to mid 60s. Here’s what I’ve got so far…

• Dress warmly with many layers.
• Cook a Hawaiian breakfast.
• Keep a large pot of water simmering on the stove to add heat and moisture to the air.
• Do laundry and maybe even ironing. Activity and heat from the dryer will add warmth.
• Bake dog treats, cookies, or something else useful.
• The day has finally arrived to self-clean the oven. I think the temperature gets up to around 800 degrees when it’s in the cleaning cycle.
• If it gets too cold with all of that, retreat upstairs and crank up the baseboard heaters.
• Pray the electricity doesn’t go out.
• In case of power failure, pray a neighbor can get the generator started and hooked up because I’m weak and clueless.

How are you surviving winter?

Continuing my review of 2018, here are the books I most enjoyed and ticket stub reviews of the movies and plays I saw.

BOOKS

Because I was so sick for so long, I didn't read as many books as I usually do - only 29 this year (about half my normal amount) - but I read more non-fiction than I normally do. Of those 29 books, only a handful got 3 1/2 or more stars from me. I rate them on a scale of 5 stars for the best and 0 stars for the ones that are so bad I can't even finish them. It almost never happens that I can't finish a book because it's just that awful, but I do occasionally start a book, get distracted and forget to finish it. I have two books in that category - Fear by Bob Woodward, and Snape... A Definitive Reading by Lorrie Kim. Both are Kindle downloads which are easier to forget about than a physical book - at least for me. I'll get them read, though.

Of the 29 books I finished, I gave five stars to four of them, and 4.5 stars to one - all of those books are by the same author who happens to be my favorite author, so no surprises there.

***** - The Hobbit & The Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien

****1/2 - Letters from Father Christmas by J.R.R. Tolkien

Two books got four stars - a novel about an unusual boy, and a memoir.

**** - Be Frank with Me by Julia Claiborne Johnson, A Higher Loyalty: Truth Lies and Leadership by James Comey

The last of the above average books consisted of a Phryne Fisher mystery, a rather odd novel about a young girl's bond with her grandmother, a Mitford book, and a biography of Queen Victoria that was pretty long but quite interesting.

***1/2 -  Raisins & Almonds by Kerry Greenwood, My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman, Come Rain or Come Shine by Jan Karon, Victoria the Queen by Julia Baird

MOVIES

Whenever I see a movie or play, instead of giving it star ratings, I write a tiny review on the ticket stub and put the stub in an envelope which I keep in the back of my journal. I saw seventeen movies this year, again, less than normal due to illness. Here are my ticket stub reviews of the movies I made it to in 2018.

Jumanji WTTJ – Lots of laughs. Lighter than the original.

Darkest Hour – Excellent!

Black Panther – WOW!

Avengers Infinity War – Enjoyable, but enough Thanos already!

Solo – Enjoyed the backstory, especially meeting Chewy.

Incredibles 2 – Lots of fun & lots of ego issues.

Ant Man & the Wasp – Another non-stop action adventure.

Ocean’s Eight - I remember laughing, but not why.

Christopher Robin – Nostalgic. Gently Humorous.

The Spy Who Dumped Me – So funny! Balzac… LOL

Won’t You Be My Neighbor – Touching – interesting – nostalgic

House with a Clock in the Wall – Cute! Enjoyed Jack Black and Glen Close.

First Man – Good, but tried too hard to be Apollo 13.

Hocus Pocus – Cool to see on the Big Screen. Teri jumped!

Bohemian Rhapsody – Touching – sometimes hard to watch. (for personal reasons)

Fantastic Beasts 2 – Fantastically confusing

Ralph Breaks the Internet – Fun but forced

PLAYS

And finally, I saw two stage plays this year. There were a few others I wanted to see, but didn't make it to the playhouse for various reasons.

Nana’s Naughty Knickers – Cute

Calendar Girls – Sister date for Donna

Next up will be my favorite photos that I took last year. Same old disclaimer - didn't take as many as usual - yada, yada, yada.

This is the post that started the friendship between Bricker and me. It was originally posted on Xanga in April, 2009 and was intended to be a parody of his writing. We read and subscribed to each other's blogs before then, but this took us to the next level and we became good friends... especially after I actually sent him some cookies. RIP Thom - you are missed.

April 1, 2009

Why I Can't Marry Bricker (Poor Thing) - [WARNING: Naked Art]

I made a grave mistake yesterday. I revealed too much of my true self on xanga and Bricker59 fell in love with me (poor thing).

It may have been my tousled, glossy red locks.

(That's not really me; I have bangs.)

It might have been the twinkle in my large, piercing blue eyes.

(That's not really me; I have two eyes.)

Maybe it was my sexy neon blue underwear (which looks great on me).

(That's not really me; I don't have the matching bra.)

Or perhaps my irresistible Rubenesque curves.

(That's not really me; my hair is shorter.)

It could have been any of those things, but it wasn’t. It was this:

(My decadent banana split cake.)

(My delicious chocolate chip cookies.)

He asked me to marry him and I had to disappoint him (poor thing). I hope he had enough beer in his refrigerator to mend his broken heart.

You’ll always have a special place in my heart, Bricker, but it’s for the best that we stay apart. Our combined magnificence would be too much for xanga.

(Isn't he dreamy?)

I guess I’m just a sucker for long, flowing black locks, manly shoulders and a piercing eye. I’m sure you understand.

I lost a friend yesterday. He spent his summers as a teen working at a camp in Canada and formed a lifelong bond with his fellow workers. They knew him as Tripper. Those of us who knew him from the heyday of Xanga called him Bricker. On Facebook, he went by his given name, Thom Newnham. Thom died of cancer. He was a heavy smoker and developed lung cancer which was not diagnosed until it had metastasized in his brain.

I wrote to him after his diagnosis and told him I was angry, at his doctors for not diagnosing the lung cancer when he was vomiting blood a year before, and at him for smoking, and at cancer for being the serial killer that it is. Here was his reply to that:

“You can be mad at me for smoking, but by God I LOVED every single cigarette I ever smoked.”

That is quintessential Bricker right there.

Thom had two daughters whom he loved with all of his heart who took good care of him these last few months. Like all parents, he had moments of hurt feelings, anger and frustration over the years, but his love ALWAYS shone through every word he ever wrote or said about them. His “Legshaver” and “Cuddlebug” meant the world to him. I hope they know that. I know that I will always be grateful for the last words I ever received from him.

“I love you my Vi...very, very much. Thom”

I love you, too Thom. This world was a better, funnier, crazier place because you were in it. Your humor, your storytelling, your friendship and the love you had for your family and friends made a true difference. I’m glad I said these things to you before today.

Rest in peace, my dear friend.

Love, Your Vi

I will be reposting a couple of my old Xanga posts about Thom. One was how our friendship started, and one was an online letter I wrote to him when he was in the hospital a few years ago. I’d forgotten about the second one until I ran across it while looking for the other one. They both offer glimpses into the personality that made Bricker so popular on Xanga and, I suspect, in the real world as well.

Well, here it is the first of the year and here I am thinking I need to make more of an effort to blog this year. This happens nearly every year, and most of the time I respond with a year in review post. I didn’t bother last year, because 2017 sucked and, although my troubles were all I could think about, I didn’t want to write about them. In fact, I was instructed not to discuss them on social media. It’s probably okay to write about everything now, but I still don’t feel like it.

2018 was, if anything, even worse than the previous year. It started out spectacularly badly and went downhill from there. I got really, really sick. I’d reached the point that I couldn’t eat much besides applesauce, bananas and Jello, and even those sometimes made me ill. I had a fever for months, often accompanied by chills, I lost a lot of weight, my coloring was… let’s be nice and say ashen. I got so weak I was on the verge of turning in my car keys because my reaction time had gotten so slow and I couldn’t stay focused enough to remember where I was half the time.

I was well enough to drive to Arkansas in April to visit my mom and many other family members. I also drove to Cincinnati in May for GeoWoodstock. A five hour drive followed by a long uphill hike to grab the oldest geocache in Ohio on Friday left me completely done in and had to rent a wheelchair for the event on Saturday. After conserving my strength all day, I was fine to drive home on Sunday once we'd found all the caches on the Butler County Donut Trail. Krysten drove for that, but I drove us back to Michigan via a slight detour in Indiana to drop murisopsis off at her home.

Later in the year, after I was feeling about a million times better than I had in years, I took my daughter with me to Washington Island, Wisconsin to spend a few days with my cousin. I try to go every year and it’s always a fun and relaxing week. Every time I’ve gone, I’ve taken somebody with me and introduced them to the island. So far, I’ve taken a cousin, each of my sisters, and my daughter. I love doing this because it gives me an excuse to visit all the places I enjoy most on each trip. The Stavkirkke, the lavender farm, the lookout tower, The Red Cup, Nelsen’s, Schoolhouse Beach, and of course Fair Isle Books and Fair Trade – my cousin’s shop.

The following month I returned to Arkansas for my annual autumn visit. My sisters and I had so much fun during this visit! We dressed in our similar but not identical LulaRoe outfits for church, visits with our mom at the nursing home, and general sashaying around town. We even had photo shoots with my niece twice and a friend once. Those photos make me smile whenever I look at them.

I couldn’t imagine having the strength or stamina to make those trips when I was so ill in the spring and summer. Happily, I’ve been blessed with the best daughter and sisters in the world, as well as a determined doctor, and they took good care of me. I finally had a test that showed a slight abnormality, went in for exploratory surgery and they found the problem and fixed it. It turns out, when my gall bladder was removed three years ago, some of the sludge and stones got trapped in the common bile duct. By the time the problem was discovered, there were stones the size of marbles completely obstructing the bile duct and toxins were backing up into my liver. My coloring was so bad because I was jaundiced. I probably would have died if they hadn’t finally found the problem. To top it off, the doctor who performed the surgery had access to the pathology report on my gall bladder and told me that it had been gangrenous, so I was probably fairly close to dying three years ago, as well. That’s two brushes with death I didn’t even know about at the time which is probably a good thing because this last time, had I known how ill I was, I would have just thrown in the towel and welcomed oblivion. Melodramatic, I know, but that’s what depression will do to you.

I’m fine now. My hands still tremble sometimes, but not as badly as they did before the surgery. The best part is that I can now eat things I haven’t been able to eat in years - even Chinese food, which brings me in a rather roundabout way to the next few posts I’ll publish. You see, I got a new wallet for Christmas and today as I was taking things out of my old wallet to put into my new one, I found a stash of fortune cookie slips from probably five years or more ago. Those will be one post in my review of 2018. I’ll also look back on books I’ve read, movies I’ve watched and photos I’ve taken. None of those are as numerous as in previous years because of my long illness, but I did get out from time to time, and I read when I couldn’t sleep. At least I tried to.

I don't know why my photos are all uploading wonky, and why I can't rotate them. Just tip your head to the left for this one.

So now you are caught up with as much of my life over the past year as I’m willing to share publicly. I’ll share my fortune cookie fortunes, my ticket stub movie reviews, my favorite reads and probably a few other favorites of 2018 in subsequent posts. Hopefully, it won’t take me until the end of the year to write them!

My friend who was on hospice care in her home passed away today around noon. I was scheduled to sit with her for the evening shift today, from 4:30 to 9 pm. I ended up sitting with her body from about 12:15 until 3:30 when the hospice person finished the paperwork and called the funeral home to pick her up.

Shirley was in her 80s, widowed, no children, and no family in the area, so her friends and neighbors have been checking on her every day since she began hospice care, and sitting with her round the clock since she became bedridden a couple of weeks ago. She passed peacefully after a somewhat restless night. She looked like she was finally at peace. I don't think she expected death to take so long and be so frustrating, but when I told her one day that I was sorry she was suffering, she said, "It's not so bad." She was truly a Tough Old Broad and I say that with much love and respect. The women of my family all aspire to be Tough Old Broads.

Shirley had a sweet little dog, the same breed and around the same age as Boo. Oreo and Boo have been butt sniffing buddies for many years - even before I met Shirley. She asked a friend of hers to take Oreo when she died and he agreed, but the reality is that he and his wife are both retired and have been looking forward to spending some time traveling while they can. They planned to get another dog after they're too old to travel the world and were not ready to take in Oreo, although they love him. Also, their young grandchildren are kind of scared of him because he nipped at them when they were playing a bit roughly with them last time they were in town. So, I ended up inheriting Oreo. Boo is okay with Oreo being in the house right now; I'm not sure how he'll react when he realizes Oreo is staying. He's a jealous dog, but he's used to sharing me with my daughter's dog Jack, so I think he'll be okay with having a new brother. I'm more worried about how Jack will react.

It's been a wild year. I really hope Shirley's death is the last bad thing that happens this year, but I'm not holding my breath. Maybe there will be more to come, and perhaps 2019 will end up being better to me. Meanwhile, I'll take sweet little Oreo as one of the rare good things in a difficult year.

Hi, friends - it's been a long time! I know I've been neglecting my family, friends and social media lately, but there have been reasons. Valid reasons, even!

LIFE: So, first of all, yes I am still alive. I wondered at times how much longer I would be among the living. I got my affairs in order the best I could. There's still some paperwork that needs to be done, but I'm going to start working on that this week. My will and powers of attorney were updated and a medical directive signed, witnessed and notarized. Just in case.

IN BETWEEN: I've undergone many rounds of blood work, an ultrasound and an MRI. Luckily, the MRI finally pinpointed why I haven't felt well for the past three years and why I was completely out of energy the past few months before I had to do a liver biopsy. I was literally at the point that I couldn't get through a day without putting my pajamas on and going back to bed multiple times. I couldn't eat and most of the time had no appetite anyway. I dropped 40 or 50 pounds and was living on Jello, applesauce and bananas. My skin was a sickly, pasty hue and I had huge dark circles not just under my eyes, but all the way around them. I ran a constant low-grade fever that often spiked and gave me violent chills and, on one occasion, spectacular vomiting. This went on for months. The MRI showed a slight swelling of the common bile duct. I FINALLY got in to see a gastroenterologist and was immediately sent to the hospital. I spent three days in the hospital last week, with a surgical procedure on the second day. My bile duct was packed with gallstones, some of them the size of marbles. My gallbladder was removed in 2015, so these stones had most likely been there for the past three years as I got sicker and sicker. I should have gone to the emergency room a month or two ago like my daughter kept urging and my sister kept plotting, but I'm a stubborn, tough old broad. The GI doctor even said I'm tough to have suffered those huge stones for so long. Living with pain is just part of being a woman. We learn with our first menstrual cramps to ignore the pain and keep on doing what needs to be done because the world doesn't care about all of our "little aches and pains." That's why so many women die of heart attacks.

Anyway, I'm home from the hospital and feeling better than I have in a long time. I'm still tired and need to rest often, but my energy is slowly returning as my liver enzymes slowly return to normal. It'll take a little while to get back to where I can do what needs to be done around the house, run all the errands, do all the shopping, walk the dog and get back to geocaching. I was on the verge of hanging up my car keys, but I'm back to driving now. I can't tell you how much I love and appreciate my daughter and two sisters for taking care of me the past month.

DEATH: I have an elderly friend who lives a few blocks from me. I met her in 2011, on the day of her husband's funeral. I wrote about that meeting here: LINK  She is dying and she's pretty angry that it's taking so long. I've been going over nearly every day and visiting her, sometimes taking her to the bank or the bakery or the vet or just for a drive, and when she's having a really bad day and is completely out of patience I take her dog home with me for a couple of hours so she can rest without him jumping up to cuddle with her and inadvertently hurting her. She got a neighbor to take her to the hospital to visit me last week, and she'd even gone out to her beautiful gardens and cut a bouquet of flowers for me. I was so touched. She had a crisis the other day and is now in a hospital bed in her living room, on oxygen full time, and being pumped full of morphine. It won't be too much longer before she finally gets her wish and dies. She asked me once why God wasn't "doing His job" and letting her die. I told her it's because God was doing His job and blessing me through her. Being able to sit with her and talk was like talking to my mother before Alzheimer's (except my mother didn't have quite the magnificent range of cussing as my friend).

So there you have what I'm willing to share of the past nine months or so in a nutshell. I've been sick and am finally getting better. My friend has been dying (and "taking too damn long") and she's finally getting worse. The circle of life continues.

I find her in

Her room again,

Just like each day.

I smile and say,

“I’m Melinda.”

She rubs her chin,

“I know,” she says,

Just like always.

She doesn’t know,

But even though

She can’t remember

Who I am, her

Eyes light up at

Songs I sing that

Take her back to

Days of youth.

She grins and then

She joins in.

The vagary

Of memory

Allows her to

Recall Cuckoo;

A heifer queen;

A sunshine beam;

A flop-eared hound;

Grace’s sweet sound;

And all the while

Forget her child

Who sits so near,

Singing through tears

Those old hill songs,

For love of Mom.

Billy Collins was the poet laureate of the United States from 2001 to 2003 and is a highly regarded poet who has won many awards for his work. He is also a man with a mischievous sense of humor. Back in the late 90's, Collins claimed to have discovered a French poetry form from the 11th century called the paradelle. It was, he said, "one of the more demanding French forms." The rules for the paradelle are as follows:

• The paradelle is a 4-stanza poem.
• Each stanza consists of 6 lines.
• For the first 3 stanzas, the 1st and 2nd lines should be the same; the 3rd and 4th lines should also be the same; and the 5th and 6th lines should be composed of all the words from the 1st and 3rd lines and only the words from the 1st and 3rd lines.
• The final stanza should be composed of all the words in the 5th and 6th lines of the first three stanzas and only the words from the 5th and 6th lines of the first three stanzas.

Collins' attempt at composing a paradelle was titled Paradelle for Susan. Due to the ridiculous constraints of the form, his last line was, "Darken the mountain, time and find was my into it was with to to."

Because he was such a highly regarded poet, the "discovery" of this ancient poetic form, and Paradelle for Susan, were both taken seriously by critics, the media, and other poets. Eventually, Collins admitted he'd made it all up as a joke. Even the word "paradelle" was a combination of "parody" and "villanelle." He was poking fun at restrictive forms and the poets who followed a form beyond the point of common sense.

Even after his admission that he'd just pulled off one of the greatest literary pranks ever, many poets decided to try their hand at a paradelle and eventually the form gained a life of its own. When I read the rules, I have to admit I was taken with the challenge and decided I, too, was one of those foolish people who just had to give it a try. Here, then, is my attempt at a paradelle, using the final prompt in the NPM Scavenger Hunt, #15: Refer to one season, seasoning, and one phase of the moon.

OCTOBER PARADELLE

Autumn comes in shades of gold.

Autumn comes in shades of gold.

Fiery leaves, a feast for the eye.

Fiery leaves, a feast for the eye.

In fiery gold shades of autumn leaves,

A feast comes for the eye.

In October the air smells like apple.

In October the air smells like apple.

A sweet scent of cinnamon lingers.

A sweet scent of cinnamon lingers.

A sweet apple scent lingers, like

Smells of cinnamon in the October air.

The harvest moon shines round and full.

The harvest moon shines round and full.

At night, grapes are picked under lights.

At night, grapes are picked under lights.

The full moon shines, and lights round grapes

Under harvest, picked at night.

Gold moon shines like a round eye,

Lights grapes at night for the harvest,

Picked in the sweet autumn air.

Under leaves in fiery cinnamon shades,

A feast comes full of smells;

The October apple scent lingers.

Two little piggies, each a twin,

One was fat and one was thin.

Thin one ate beef and blancmange;

Fat one starved, but neither changed.

In my family, we have this weird thing called the Brewer Twins. It's a dominant trait that comes through my maternal great-grandmother's side of the family, where the second and third toes are the same length. My third toe is slightly shorter than my second, but my mom always said I had the Brewer Twins just like all my brothers and sisters. Maybe she didn't want me to feel left out, but honestly, it wasn't that big a deal to me. What is a big deal is how the joint in my third toe has become inflamed. That's the fat piggie twin in the poem. That joint will never be normal again, thanks to erosive osteoarthritis. Getting old kind of sucks.

The poem is in the style of a nursery rhyme and is NPM Scavenger Hunt Prompt #14: Describe your toes without using the word toe/s. I know blancmange is not pronounced the way you have to say it to make the poem rhyme; I used poetic license. One more day in April, and one more poem to post. It's my most ambitious one yet, and I'll be posting it on Sunday, a.k.a. The Internet Is Dead day of the week. Oh well, c'est la vie.