MOVE AHEAD OR MOVE ASIDE

ive never felt as alone as i do now.  and i can't even blame nobody but myself.  this whole time im thinking im helping myself out by keeping to myself, but i just end up livin as if the world revolves around me and block people off that could be helping me, completely counteracting my whole objective of trying to better myself. along the way i must have pissed off people, turned people off, and lost people.

im still trying to pinpoint exactly what the hell the problem is, but i know it all includes...me living in the past, lack of self discipline, being careless, procastination, restlessness, attention span of a child, and most of all thinking only of my damn self and living thinking im a damn victim, and i think wayyy too much. im a fuckin idiot, i know i have so much more potential than this bullshit act im putting up, but right now right now, yeah im an idiot.

I feel i've been fighting one hell of a war, i won one battle last semester with school, but right now, my ass is getting whooped by it again! and its all against who else but myself. do i not love myself that much? do i lack self respect? these questions i ask are a little late. but it had never hit me to truly examine how much do i care for myself because ive continously blamed others and looked on the outside for answers. i told you i was an idiot..

I have been positive starting out this year, but im feeling down on myself right now because im feeling a very dark cloud will soon show up...within a month.  once i get this letter.....of rejection. and so here i am bashing myself.

i'm not trying to fish out anything from people through this, im just expressing. and besides i think only like 2 people read this. lol helloo!

xanga = therapy

let me tell you about my valentines day and how great it is

Well let see, i'm really feeling valentines day now cuz all the raisin oatmeal cookies, tiffs treats cookies, giant cookies, muffins, scones, chocolate NUGGETs!!!, and fresh flowers.  It smells so great in here once the smoke clears.  Anyways so time to make some coffee and eat all of these pastries.  Now why can't it be like this everydays is what im saying.

P.S. why can't dude who like me too just give me flowers once in a while? oh wait because they know nothing about that.  anyways i need new flowers.

P.S.  its stillllll a maybe.....

Hello!

SHOUTOUT TO EVERYONE WHO'S STILL ALIVE ON XANGA!

I've finally stopped feeling sorry for myself, and just tired of wanting and not getting so now im working on that getting part...so in the meantime i hope life bears with me.  Right now im cleaning out my closet, literally and metaphorically.  There is plenty of clothes in there that I unfortunately don't even wear either because they don't fit me well anymore or just played out.  I've been wanting to clean it out but was afraid theyd be nothing left but jeans and plain tees (the only ones that fit me still!) but hey watever i'll wear it for now.  I need to head to that gym foreals and lose these lil extra inches.

I've been saying that for the past damn wat, 4 years?!!? 

Maybe that's enough procastinating...........maybe.............

OVERWHELMED.

IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS I JUST WANT TO CRY.  I DON'T EVEN HAVE A DAMN PHONE THAT WORKS.

damn this making up shit while i cook is not working out.  ever since i start cooking my own food i started losing weight, cuz i never ate it! i can imagine that line.  but anyway, i eat the stuff i bake though, and right now im baked.

lately we keep talking about systems, they keep us grounded or tie us down?