There comes a fork in the road sometimes and you have to chose to go left or go right. Sometimes we know where the path leads and sometimes we venture into the unknown.
I think I have come to a place in my life where it is time for me to take the path that ventures into the unknown. From the time I was a teenager, I have lived my life for everyone else. After my parents divorced, I lived for my mother, did everything I could to help her pick up and move on. Then I met the man that would become my husband, became pregnant and started our family. For 11 years I have lived to please my family. No matter what it may be I lived for them. That was my role as a wife and mother.
My role as a mother will continue and in the years to come will become the role of grandmother. It has come time for my role as wife to end.I have always been a firm believer that all things happen for a reason. There is a reason for this as well.
A couple of weeks ago I was sad and upset to find out I wasn't pregnant. Of course it was very emotional for me. In the midst of all this I find out that a baby is not what my dh truly wants. This was yet another obstacle thrown into the road of our marriage.
I know that marriage is all about obstacles and it is not a bed of roses. But when your dh tells you to leave he doesnt care or to get a divorce or when you ask him if it is really worth it to stay married and he says no then what are ya supposed to think.
I think the breaking point for me was the other night when I was in bed and told him I needed to talk. He said no not right now I'm tired. I said there is something bothering me that I really need to talk about before I can feel better. His response was "well things bother me every day but I don't talk about them so get over it" Now mind you, this was not a situation where I sit and nag and always want to talk to him about something. I never ever talk to him about my feelings or things that are going on with me. I turn to friends.
This throws up a flag to me and tells me that something is truly wrong with this marriage. I can not do this anymore with him. I do not want to try to make it work. I love him yes, he is the father of my children but I am no longer in love with him.
I told him today to think about and decide what he wants to do with the house. I want out, out of the house, out of the state. I am talking to my sister in Florida tomorrow and gonna have her check on a few things there for me and maybe take a trip down and see if I can sort things out.
I have wanted to relocate for a while and I think this is what I need to do to start over fresh and live for me and my girls.
Am I sad? In some ways I am but after a while I have gotten numb. Sure I have shed tears and more tears about it and the hardest is yet to come. But, I do know this, whatever obstacle I am faced with, I can handle it and become a stronger person because of it. | 
