smells good. smells sweet... mm.

so as my vacation draws to a close, and my co workers begin to find out that i actually DIDNT go to vietnam.. i have nothing left but to say "oh well.  it was fun though.''  because it really was.

my feet still haven't recovered from the heels i wore that day.  from running at the back part of the restaurant to the front, to running to mike/tony's car to pick up more emergency supplies.  i was ok on 3 cans of red bull and having only an hour of sleep.  it was intense. more intense than prom.  LOL.  

i never thought wedding's could be so emotional. i guess the last time i attended a wedding, i was too young to understand what was going on at the bride & grooms ceremonies.    but as i listened on sunday, it was really touching to hear the things family say. 

"i've watched you grow up and now i'm so happy to see you get married."
"you're a beautiful lady, and now that you're leaving to his family, you'll learn how to be more beautiful.''

i hope she enjoyed her wedding, as much as i did.  the planning and all the procrastinating in the end was all a part of the fun that i enjoyed the most.  its so weird now to walk around with so little makeup compared to the weekend.  AHAHA.  :x. 

oh yeah.  they tried to get the bestmen and the bridesmaids to kiss each other after the groom and bride.  but people didn't like that idea.   damn. 

she better not get married again. 

remember when..

i asked u what a camel toe was.  you knew more than i did.  we stalked photos of people through the yearbook folder.  especially.... ...     ._O.   we'd go to chq just to play for an hour, and then come back to coquitlam.  we had a stupid fight.  i peed alot. we'd check out girls together.  LOLOLOL.  especially that one on the 99b-line from lazy den.  u said the cream in the creampuffs at aberdeen were like .... ... yeah.  we talked about popular websites that could make it big.  i am so good at this.  we shared tips & tricks to making people crack a big smile. 

remember when i wasn't crazy.    

im slowly getting there.  im not a jinx.  i dont deserve to have this burden on me.  it was an accident.  its not the end of the world.  i dont need to be a bitch to get my thoughts across.   

thank you.  its really not enough.  you've been through it all to help.  it's like you're god too... like her.  you can smell it when something's not right. 

can we go for ksnowflakes now?  have i had enough therapy for that as my reward?   

This Is Me.

I’m afraid to get involved. Very indecisive. I date and undate, want and then don’t want. I hate surprises I need to laugh and smile on an every day basis.  I make mistakes and end up failing freely. I very much enjoy going out when I can, but I’m also content with chilling at home on my own.  I have some of the most sincere friends that tell me how it is and I can take their word for it.  I’m very picky with the food I eat.  I get bored easily. I have many dreams and goals that I haven’t shared but will accomplish.  I'm gonna drop the name calling cause it really hurts when it comes from someone you care. 

I think being typical original, 9pm sofae was better than this one. 

but no one will take her seriously still. 

crash and burn

i think im just a clown.  f'reals.
that all of a sudden im having an epiphany of everything going on in my life right now. 

everything was a joke played on me. 

i just really wanna be left alone.  i dont need anyone right now.  i dont want any obligations.  i dont want anything. 

let me start fresh and with nothing. 

i love you but

im sorry

for being such a selfish and unappreciative bitch.  i know i was NEVER the easiest girlfriend to be with.
for making you wait for me all the time
for making you waste money on haircuts, gas money, presents, and anniversary gifts that weren't even necessary.  i loved you for you and you took the courage to change yourself so i'd love you that much more. 

i wish more than ever to have the ability to change how i feel, but i can't.  i'd just be pretending if it went on any longer. 

i dont know how to fix this. 

i dont wanna lie to you anymore.. 

this is it.