The Asshole Saga Continues

How is it possible that I spent only 1 and a half hours on till today and within that time encounted 3 people worthy of some sort of smackdown? That's an average of over 1 imbecile per hour. Which is almost too much for my brain to handle. So I'm going to appease myself by noting it down, in all their despicable detail, these persons who have aggravated me so.

Imbecile #1 (and the one who really gets the idiot ball rolling)

So let me start of by saying that it is a CONDITION OF ENTRY that you leave your bag at the front of the store or you get it checked on the way out. And since my manager was within a 5 metre radar, I decided to play it safe and ask the guy nicely if they would mind leaving their bag at the store.

Said idiot goes 'I was going to pop in to buy a few things but I'm not going to anymore. I was going to show you my bag on the way out but I'm leaving. What a stupid attitude.' Idiot walks out, and after 2 minutes comes back in. Looks like he decided he wasn't too good for the store after all, so he comes in and says 'I've been shopping here for (sorry was not really paying attention to how long because he mumbles and I don't give a shit) and I've never been asked that. Are you picking on me?' To which I say 'No, really, it's store policy, my manager's just there if you want to take it up with them.' What I really wanted to say was 'Look, MORON. A sign! (That said exactly what I told him: *gasp* Store Policy!) You know how to read those right? Get the fuck over yourself. You're not that important.'

So he's rather emphatically looking for my manager whilst I think rather mean spirited thoughts in my head, and he goes off to buy whatever he thought he could do without initially. So, after coming back, he says 'I swear I've spent $2000 here over the past [whatever amount of time], and I'm not coming back.' Well, hey, Idiot, guess what? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. Yeah I know that might surprise you seeing how you think you're so godamn important and all that, but yeah, DON'T CARE. You know what I don't understand? People who think they're so fucking important, so much so that you need their patronage. It's a fucking supermarket. You're one in maybe a million customers. Boo fucking hoo! You don't want to shop at our store anymore! Like I said before, GET OVER YOURSELF, you miserable twat. Jesus Christ.

Like I've emphasised before, I'm not an unapproachable person. But, if you come in, and assume that I'm treating you unfairly when I'm just doing my godamn job, I'm going to deal you with the same amount of 'courtesy' that you've treated me with. One asshole deseves another. Especially when I've been up since 6 fucking AM.

Let's move on to Imbecile #2

So Idiot #2 is guilty of wasting my time and my rather short patience (after Idiot #1 above just about hogged all of it) by not properly using their senses and being completely unapologetic about it. Idiot wants to buy some cotton buds, that he thinks are on special. See, if he just used his godamn EYES he would see that the GIGANTIC A4 SIGN says 'COTTON BALLS $1.99'. Now, keep in mind that from where I'm standing, I can't see the section concerning cotton buds/balls. So I scan the buds, and it comes up as $2.49. He thinks I've made a mistake and goes back to check for a few good seconds. I peer over the board normally blocking my view, and, as horrible as my eyesight is, can see that it says cotton BALLS and not BUDS, in less that 2 seconds. I point out the difference and he goes 'er.......'. Yeah, I know, articulate huh. So this is where Imbecile #3 comes in. Imbecile 3 comes to Imbecile #2's resuce and thinks it's his business to let me know what shoddy observational skills I have, even though I tell him I can't see the damn cotton buds. 'Well you should take the ticket down or remove it if you don't have stock. It confuses people.' Well, if people just took the 2 seconds to read a damn ticket that is bigger than your face, they wouldn't get confused would they?! My GOD. How do these people FUNCTION in every day life?!

So, like I said, that was only 1 and a half hours. And work suddenly felt very stifling and full of stupid people after that. Which is why I'm glad I was out of there within the half hour. Sanity intact. Don't know about tomorrow though.

'Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry...'

I've got a secret...

#4 - That you're really gross and disgusting once left in the company of yourself/other men.

Nose picking, farting, belching, scratching your balls etc etc is all gross. And I think you know that, otherwise you'd be saying things like, 'Honey, I washed my ass with your loofah.' Yikes. I suspect it's probably some prehistoric residue left over from when you were all cavemen, when hygiene wasn't a prerequisite for finding a mate, and when the aforementioned habits were social markers for homosocialism. You know, feeling manly and all that. Which is why you don't like telling us how icky you are. But it's okay, we've accepted it as part of your basic needs. We won't hold much against you for it, for 3 out of 4 weeks of every month.

So maybe this is just the tip of the iceberg, and guys actually have some Pandora's Box thing going on with their deep, dark, and dirty secrets. And if so, I don't really know if I want to know what keeps them ticking, just that I'm content to let them have their secrets, just as we'll have ours.