| nothing ever really happens. but life goes on.
so. ive decided. im no longer going to be one of those whiny annoying girls who obsess over guys. im starting to annoy myself. its so hard to stop thinking about him. but i figured out a plan. im just not going to feel anything anymore. this may sound ridiculous but im going to do it. i dont care about anything starting now. im just going to go through the motions of everything. and get through the day. it doesnt matter anymore. nothing does.
intake is already 1250. eww. minus work. but still.
p.s. things i will care about include calories, music and money. i think im done with people in general.
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| 124/5'7
saw mamma mia last night. some of my friends hated it but i liked it. it was such a happy cutesy movie. there were so many couples in the theatre. great. great great greattttt.
theres nothing to do in my town. after the movie we decided to go to the park and swing. haha its sad. i wish i lived in a city and not a hick town.
today i made a veg curry. and ate a little bit with rice. nothing more until i get home from work. im really debating whether or not i should just quit my weekend job already. i already have a full time job during the week anyways.
i want a cinnamon bun so badly right now.
stop thinking about him. stop stop stop.
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| ive made 664$ this month so far! and have only spent 153$! this is good news :)
does anyone watch living on the edge? ive seen the commercials, i love british accents, and i love the hills (beautiful people equals beautiful thinspo). so i really want to watch it:)
in other news, this girl is not backing off the guy. she keeps messaging him! i just feel like telling her to go away and flirt with some other boy! arg arg arg. its kind of a test though. if he messages her back then that means he really actually doesnt care about me anymore. ouch.
i think im seeing mamma mia tonight because dark night is going to be crazy. half of me wanted to ask the guy to come, but the other half doesnt want me to scare him off. hes last gf was obsessive. i hope im not obsessive. I WISH I DIDNT PUSH HIM AWAY. facepalm.
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| 122/5'7
still.
im so hungry right now.
i dont know what to eat.
why isnt there a perfect calorie-free filling food. or even beverage. i dont really believe the whole fruits and veg are 'negative cal'. i think i will have egg whites.
anyways. i wish i was a VS model. sighhh.
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| 122/5'7
woohoo! i need to stop bouncing around in the 120s, i need to get to the teens.
work was tiring. its a decent job, but its still hard labor.
i had 2 oranges when i got home. 50 cals each, plus they have fibre. anyone know any foods that make you 'go'? i really dont want to have to resort to lax...
ive been thinking. ive had a lot of minimum wage jobs
-tim hortons (coffee shop) [first job!]
-liquidation world (crappy department store)
-reitmans (clothes store)
-camp councellor
-book warehouse
-turf person on golf course (only for like a month :P)
in all these jobs i met a lot of different people, and i respect all of them. they were honest and hardworking , most of them didnt go to university or college. their advice was constantly the same, 'stay in school!' i never fully appreciated that until now. i am so determined to become something more. im going into science and although im terrified, i am so motivated. im going to try so hard, even if i skip out on parties and hang outs. i dont want to be a dropout like my dad. i need to make it. if i ever do become an orthodontist or a pharmacist, the first thing im doing is taking my mom on vacation. her whole life she had to save money to support our family of four, my dad never had a steady job. she deserves it.
anywyas sorry about the rant!
who would you rather be?
i think shes gorgeous!
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